Flow

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I am running this half marathon in two and a half weeks. Running has almost come to a standstill. I don’t have any excuses just matter of fact reasons why I haven’t been able to run as scheduled. I have been working a lot of overtime. Every now and then I actually do chose sleep over exercise. This past weekend was full with family obligations that couldn’t be missed. Sunday morning I left work with a nasty sore throat and I knew that if I didn’t rest and take care of myself all day then it would most certainly develop into something worse. I had an adorable 4 year old “nurse.” He loved doting on me and eating popsicles with me in my bed (covered with a towel of course in case of drips!). It was a perfect day for staying in the house. It was rainy and cold. We lounged around, watched kid shows on Netflix, downloaded preschool age appropriate apps on my iPhone and played Leapster games. I dozed on and off. My husband went grocery shopping, cooked dinner and brought us popsicles whenever we demanded politely requested. By morning I was feeling better and ready to run.

The weather, however, has decided to be uncooperative all week it appears from the weather forecast. Rain, rain and more rain. I will take advantage of the gym tomorrow morning while Carlos is at school.  Hopefully there will be a clearing long enough to get a long outdoor run in either Friday or Saturday.

The half marathon will happen. I will run it and I will finish it. My training plans have slowed down but they haven’t stopped. After the half marathon last October I really never quit “training,” so to speak. I continued running 1-3 days a week including speed work and a long run most weeks. I have done a double digit run each month since last October. I don’t feel like I’m starting from scratch. I also did a lot of strength training over the cold winter. This spring I’ve added Zumba and yoga into my repertoire of activity. I do not in any way feel unprepared for this race.

I attended my third yoga class on Monday. I love it. It is a beginners class. The flow of the class is slow and informative. I am learning how to ease into poses. The two instructors I have had are kind and patient. It is a perfect fit for me. I feel challenged yet I want to do it again the next day. I plan to go the next four Mondays while Carlos is still in school. I will have to take a break over the summer, but I will definitely resume the class in the fall when Carlos is back in school.

Life happens and sometimes you just have to go with the flow. Trust me I’m not great at doing this but I’m learning. I am definitely not beating myself up over the lack of structure in my training plans. Things have been busy and very active around here. It’s not as though I am sitting around. I’ll be reworking my training schedule and I will do an 11 mile run before Saturday.

Pause

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I have to go to a wake today and a funeral tomorrow.

I have to work again tonight and tomorrow night.

I have to clean my house, all of it, from top to bottom.

I have to vacuum the front porch.

I have to buy a new vacuum.

I have to go for a run…but it won’t happen today.

I have to train for a half marathon that I am running on June 5, 2011.

I have to sleep at some point today.

I have to stop eating peanut butter by the spoonful.

I have to stop blaming PMS.

I have to stop blaming myself.

I have to remember that I am only one person and I can only do so much.

I have to take a shower.

I have to take a deep breath.

I have to press pause for just a little bit.

Mayday

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I can’t believe that it’s already May. It’s off to a great start. Yesterday’s 5K was a lot of fun. The weather could not have been more perfect. In the end I went with my heart and just ran it for the enjoyment of running a race for a good cause with great friends. And you know what? I didn’t do so bad after all. My chip time was 29:14. Not too shabby after working all night!

Posing before Derrill’s Race

Run Aimee Run!

Anyone who knows me knows how much I loathe looking at photos of myself much less sharing them with others. As a sort of unwritten New Year’s resolution I have been making more of an attempt to be photographed and also share those photos. I could pick on a million aspects of the above photo, but what I should see is a strong, beautiful woman who is doing something she never imagined herself doing.

I woke up this morning with absolutely no desire to run or go to the gym. I have been dying to try a yoga class and I knew that today was the day. There is a local studio that I’ve looked into before. A quick google and I pulled up their website. All the stars seemed to be aligned for my first official yoga class. There was a beginners class at 9:15 which fit perfectly into my morning since Carlos is in school from 7:50 to 11. Then I looked in my wallet and there was exactly $14 which is what a walk-in class costs. I never have cash on me so to have the exact amount seemed like fate to me.

Since I had about an hour to kill before class I went for a leisurely walk around the college. It was a beautiful spring morning. Here are some of the sights along the way.

Brown horse

Spotted horse

Daffodils and a dock

Sunlight over the water

I was nervous about yoga, but I was welcomed and put at ease immediately. The class was called Embodyoga which is described as “fluid and evolving system of discovery that incorporated much of the best of popular systems of yoga today with revolutionary investigation into inner workings and relationships of body and mind that has been developed through more than 30 years of insight and study by Bonnie Bainbridge Cohen and the School For Body-Mind Centering.”

It was a perfect first class. It was challenging, but moved at a pace that allowed me to understand the poses and movements. The instructor was kind, patient and knowledgeable. I will definitely be going back.

The break from running was delightful. Tomorrow I will begin half marathon training.

Flowers

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Every year I buy potted flowers to hang on the back porch. I have never had a green thumb. Read: I killed a cactus! I know that I will have to get over my hesitation about gardening because my son is encouraging us to let him plant “things.” When I told him that we could maybe plant tomatoes in a big pot he replied, “I don’t think that is such a good idea because then you will make me eat a tomato.” He’s right!

Well for now I’m sticking to the farm stand for my hanging pots.

My little guy in the greenhouse

My handsome helper

Carlos’ favorite color has always been yellow so when I asked him to pick out the flowers he, of course, chose a mix with yellow flowers.

The flowers along with the gorgeous day made it feel like spring is finally here.

I went for a great run this morning at the reservoir. I am running a 5K on Sunday and today was supposed to be a strength training/treadmill speed training day, but I couldn’t bear to be cooped up in the gym when the sun was shining. So I decided to run one loop around the reservoir which is about 3.75 miles and incorporate some bursts of speed. I felt awesome at the end. I finished in 34 minutes which is great for me.

I have mixed feelings about this weekend’s 5K. I always push myself no matter what my goal is for a race. The last two 5Ks I ran I went in with the goal to PR and I accomplished my goals. This race is my first of this year. I am running it after working all weekend and all night. I know I’m physically ready to run the race but I don’t feel like I am running under ideal conditions to PR. In my head I am fiercely competitive with myself and I feel like I have to PR in each race. However, in my heart I want to enjoy what I’m doing and not feel compelled to beat my time every time I run a race.

This race is special because I am running with a very dear friend who took up running last fall after recovering from foot surgery.  Her husband and neighbor are also running. They blame me! I think it’s wonderful that I have in some way inspired others to run and participate in local races. My friend’s husband used to run seriously years ago when he was in the military. He would run 10 miles daily in about an hour’s time. Now that’s fast!

In other running related news I registered for the Old Sandwich Road Half Marathon in Plymouth, MA on June 5, 2011. We are going to make a mini family getaway out of the weekend. Carlos adores staying in hotels and he will absolutely love the swimming pool at our hotel in Plymouth. It looks like a lot of fun. Although I have lived in Massachusetts for most of my life I have never been to Plymouth. I am really looking forward to it.

The weekend is here. Although I have to work all weekend I’m hoping for a continuation of today all weekend.

Appearance

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My 4 year old son and I love to listen to music. We love music that makes you move. In fact we have dance parties in the kitchen all the time. I have to admit that I am not a huge fan of children’s music. I tried. We did the Music Together program for a few sessions. I bought various CDs and downloaded music on iTunes, but I just couldn’t fake it. So I started listening to the radio in the car and Carlos would bop in his car seat to anything upbeat. It didn’t take long before he had his own playlist on the iPod which included everything from Dave Matthews to Enrique Iglesias. I then discovered Kidz Bop which takes popular songs and makes the lyrics more appropriate for children.

The other day a song came on the radio and we both instantly loved it; Adele’s “Rolling in the Deep.” Have you heard it? It’s fantastic. She has such an amazing voice. Last night while cooking dinner I found the video for the song on You Tube. Then I happened to read some of the comments below the video and I was so saddened that many of the comments had more to do with Adele’s appearance than with the music. Most agreed that it was a terrific song and that Adele has talent, but many also posted very mean spirited comments about the singer’s looks and weight.

This brought me right back to the hallways of my high school. I was always heavier than most of the girls. I was awkward with hair that didn’t know if it wanted to be curly or straight, unsightly acne, and a hideous wardrobe that definitely made me look heavier than I was. I was not picked on any more than other kids, but I internalized it and it made me miserable. Despite numerous diets I was never able to lose a substantial amount of weight. I had a horrible relationship with food and an even worse opinion of myself. I felt worthless, ugly and overall uncomfortable in my own skin.

Somehow I managed to find my way out of high school and into college where my mind was opened to new experiences, people and ideas. It was the beginning of my journey to self-acceptance and self-love. I wish I could say that I am now a confident woman. I am not 100% there yet, but I have come so far. Unfortunately society has not changed much. I think it is even worse today with so many social media outlets that provide people the opportunity to pick on others anonymously.

As I watch my son grow up amongst bullying policies at school, Facebook, Twitter, You Tube, reality television, shows like Pregnant and Sixteen, etc., I can only pray that he grows up to be a nice, respectful, confident young man with the guidance that we provide to him.

Here is Adele’s video for “Rolling in the Deep.” When I watched it all I saw was a beautiful talented woman. What do you see?

Relax

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I’m pooped today. Yup, me! I’m tired. I have been working a lot of overtime recently. I went into work early last night at 9:30 pm because my boss called and asked me to. She can be very persuasive! I walked into an extremely busy night and just jumped right in. It was my final night of three in a row.  My reward is three nights off.

I went for a sluggish four mile run right after work. It was really foggy and misty.

Foggy Morning at the Reservoir

Duck in the Mist

The air was warm though. My legs were sore and heavy from Sunday’s 10 mile run and yesterdays hill/speed workout. No matter how hard I pushed myself I could not seem to pick up the pace. So instead of stressing out about my time I tried to make the most of it and enjoy the peacefulness of my surroundings.

I got some housework done when I came home. While Carlos was outside playing I put together his new pirate tent that he got from the Easter bunny. He came in for lunch but got sidetracked by the tent. He spent about an hour hiding out in it with his DVD player. I took the liberty to sit in the papasan chair on the front porch. Since my brother-in-law was inside with Carlos I also allowed myself to take a cat nap. When my eyes opened minutes later I instantly felt guilty for dozing off. I jumped up to see if Carlos wanted lunch yet.

After lunch Carlos and his uncle went outside to ride bikes. I don’t have a bike so I decided to stay in and “relax.” No sooner did I return to my spot on the front porch the landscaper came to start our annual fertilization program. Our yard was horrible, beyond repair, we thought, when we bought the house. My husband could probably do the treatments himself, but we get a reasonable deal and it’s one less thing for us to worry about. Plus our lawn is finally coming back to life. Anyway I had to go out to unlock the fence and the guy said “oh you look comfortable.” I immediately felt badly again. I felt like I had to justify why I was lounging on the front porch on a Tuesday afternoon.

I never relax. You won’t catch me lying on the sofa watching television. I rarely sit because I’m always in the middle of three things. I am very active everyday with my son. In the lull of the night at work I will empty all the trash behind the nurse’s station and wipe down the counters. I like to be busy. I don’t take naps although that is what my family calls it when I go to bed.

Working nights throws your entire world upside down sometimes. I admittedly do not sleep much, but I do sleep everyday sometimes in the middle of the day or early evening. My husband has a knack for taking Carlos out when I am in the midst of one of my midday rests. They run into people and he simply tells them that I am home sleeping but offers no explanation. I can only imagine what people must think, “oh poor little kid his mommy is asleep at noon on a Saturday. Hmmm I wonder what she did last night?”

I am definitely concerned about what people think, much more than I should be. I know that I shouldn’t be, but it is a very hard habit to break. It is akin to negative self talk and it is something that I am trying to improve as I learn to love myself for who I am and not who I think I should be.

Carlos is playing in the yard now so I have moved to the back porch. It is so warm today it feels like summer. My inner dialogue is trying very hard to reconcile the fact that I am relaxing rather than being physically active right now. Relax does not equal lazy. It is ok to take a break once in a while.

Ravenous

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Sometimes I feel like I’m never full.  Yesterday I was like a grazing cow. I picked and grabbed and snacked my way through the day. It didn’t help that I bought three tubs of Trader Joe’s cookies for a play date we had at our house yesterday afternoon…ginger cats, meringues and ABC Cinnamon cookies were all calling my name. I also made Anne’s granola bars again. Fortunately I froze almost the entire batch so I couldn’t eat them all.  They are a favorite in my house.

I ate an early dinner because I had plans with a friend.  We went to the Odyssey Bookstore to see Cassandra Clare and Holly Black, two Young Adult authors, speak. They both live in the area and have quite a big following, both young and old(er). My friend introduced me to Clare’s Mortal Instruments series. I just finished the first book.

I really enjoyed it and can’t wait to read the next book in the series. I’ve been introduced to so many different books and authors this year. It has breathed new life into reading for me. So fun!

I got home around 8:15 pm and I could feel that ravenous monster rising up inside. I opened a cabinet and then I quickly shut it. I went upstairs and got into bed. I needed to just stop. I wasn’t really hungry. I just wanted to eat. I laid in bed feeling lots of negative feelings about my behavior. I woke up this morning still thinking about it. I felt instantly “fat” as though I had instantly gained 20 pounds as a result of extra snacking yesterday. I felt guilty about what I had done on top of the fact that I didn’t exercise Thursday or Friday. Oh I knew when I made the conscious decision to skip those work outs it would come back to haunt me. I chose to take a break because after working 7 nights in a row I felt like I really needed to slow things down for a couple of days. We also had plans that made it difficult to sneak in a workout.

I have been trying to remind myself that one “bad” day does not mean that I have to continue down that road. I need to move on. Today is a new day and I can make better decisions. I had a healthy breakfast of yogurt, pumpkin and oats. I have plans to go to the gym and I will tackle the workouts I missed on Thursday and Friday since it is pouring out today. I will move my 9 mile run to tomorrow because the weather looks beautiful and Sunday is normally a rest or light run day anyway.  I am going to stay clear away from the kitchen for now. I’ve got lots to do around the house that should keep me busy.

Just out of curiosity would this annoy anyone else…I made 12 of Angela’s In a Jiffy Spelt Veggie Burgers for my husband and brother-in-law for dinner. There was also a bean salad and roasted potatoes. I ate one of the burgers before I left. This morning I noticed that there were no veggie burgers left. They ate 11 veggie burgers??! and everything else. Talk about ravenous. I’m annoyed because I would have loved one for lunch today and also because they can eat whatever they darn well please and not gain an ounce.

Pampered

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I’m happy today. This morning I came home with a huge smile on my face. I finished a 7 night in a row stretch at work.  That would be horrible if I didn’t love my job so much, really it’s the people I work with that I love so much. I have a fun day planned. Right now I am in one of my favorite towns, home of UMass. I just got my hair colored and cut along with an eyebrow wax by my favorite hair dresser who recently started at a new salon here.

New Do

Sorry for the photo booth pic. I was just having a little fun.

I’m meeting one of my favorite friends for lunch. My favorite (and only) son is having the time of his life at activity camp at the YMCA this week. This afternoon Carlos and I have a play date at the playground with an old friend from high school and her son. Tonight I will at last have some alone time with my favorite (and only) husband.

This week has been a great running week to. I feel like I’m back in training mode and I’m loving it. On Saturday I ran 8 miles. I actually took Sunday off because we had a full day of Easter egg painting. I combined Sunday and Monday’s workouts into one on Monday morning. The day was gorgeous so I did some speed training indoor at the gym on the treadmill followed by a 30 minute strength training session and then I hit the trail at the college for a speedy 3 mile run. It wasn’t my speediest ever, but I pushed hard and finished three miles in about 28:40. I did little speed work over the winter and I definitely notice that I’ve lost some momentum. I have a post in the works about my thoughts on the speed issue so I won’t say much more except to say that I measure my speed against myself and myself alone. I aim to improve my own time. Tuesday was a zippy 4 miler around my neighborhood. I fit it in after work and before bringing to Carlos to camp at 9am so I could take advantage of the gray, rainy day to actually sleep. Wednesday was an impromptu hill workout on the treadmill. I totally wasn’t feeling a run, but then decided to spice it up with some hill work and I absolutely loved it. I was dripping with sweat. I only did 20 minutes but it flew by. I ran up hill at a 5 mph speed and then decreased the incline to a 2 or 3 for a minute or two at a 6 mph speed. I got all the way up to a 10 incline. I followed that up with 30 minutes of strength training.

I haven’t decided if I will do my scheduled 5 mile run today. I am not sure that I want to “mess” up my new do! I have to tell myself that once in a while it is ok to veer off my plan and take a break. There is always tomorrow.

Birds

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My new training plan called for an 8 mile run this morning. I went straight to the reservoir after work. There was a nip in the air, but the sun was just starting to peak through the clouds. I set out on the trail and I knew from the get go that I was going to have a good run. And then I was greeted with this view.

View on a morning run

I wish I could have captured the ducks that were peacefully gliding by on the misty morning water. There are also some beautiful birds that I’ve spotted around this area. I often see people out walking the trails with binoculars for bird watching.

It didn’t get much warmer but the air was calm. My breathing was steady. I pushed myself to go faster up the rolling hills while I coasted on the down hill. I allowed the beat of the music to determine my pace.  I have an affinity for fast techno/dance music while running because it really pumps me up and makes me move faster.

I am not quite sure when I morphed from the girl who “can’t” run to the girl who runs 8 miles on a random Saturday morning and likes it! I never once felt daunted by the number of miles. I enjoyed the time to myself. It was a nice way to unwind after working all night. It’s great getting my run or workout done as early as possible so that I can enjoy the day.

The rest of the day was super busy. Carlos had art class. We had a play date planned afterwards for the Carousel. While at the carousel my friend and I stumbled on a flyer for a Birds of Prey exhibit taking place in the neighboring visitor’s center so we walked over after a few rides on the carousel, lunch, and popcorn. The Birds of Prey exhibit was a pleasant surprise. We received a brief education on local birds of prey and then the man doing the presentation brought out a great horned owl, a falcon, a golden eagle, a kestrel and a baby owl. The kids were able to pet the birds and loved it. I found it very interesting.

Time for bed and then back to work. It may seem odd that I work nights, but I love being able to spend the majority of my day with Carlos. It is almost 4pm and he will be in bed before 7pm so I only miss a few hours of his day. Before I leave for work I tuck him in and give him hugs and kisses.

Coconut

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I almost dismissed this yesterday at Costco.

Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce

Then I turned the gigantic carriage around to have a closer look. All natural, gluten free…hmmm tell me more.

Ingredients List

Not too bad. This big bottle cost under $8. The recipe wheels in my head were already turning. I knew that I had some tofu that needed to be cooked. I had just bought a bunch of asparagus. Coconut rice immediately popped into my thoughts.

I had some light coconut milk on hand and I used that to cook some brown rice. I sprinkled a teaspoon of cinnamon into the mix towards the end. It smelled divine while it was cooking.

I lightly coated the tofu in the Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce and baked it in the oven for about 20 minutes on each side. While that was cooking I chopped onions, my last carrot, asparagus and two plum tomatoes. I sauteed the onions and carrot in a tablespoon of coconut oil then threw in the asparagus for a few minutes before adding the tomato. Once all the veggies were cooking away I put about 3 tablespoons of the Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce into the pan along with the tofu.

Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Tofu Stir Fry

The Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce is heavenly. It is lightly sweet with a kick of mild heat. I served the stir fry over the coconut rice alongside fresh pineapple. Delicious and refreshing!

Today was absolutely gorgeous. I ran 5 miles this morning. I just did a loop around town so it wasn’t the most scenic route, but the nice weather more than made up for that.

Carlos was outside all day except for a midday nap. I was in and out. Inside I was cooking and running up and down to tackle Mt. Laundry which erupted overnight.

Outside I played basketball with Carlos, explored the backyard, took out the trash, and sat on the back deck stairs chatting away with my favorite person. While picking up the backyard toys, Carlos and I discovered this adorable little bug. I have never seen anything like it. Check out the heart on its back.

Love Bug

It was a glorious day.