It sure has been a while since I last wrote. Marine Corps Marathon seems like it was so long ago. Who knew then how drastically life would change. I read back a few posts, but I couldn’t go too far without tearing up. I had so many plans and goals. I have wanted to write again for a long time, but every time I sit down to write, the words feel heavy and sad. I don’t think I’m alone in how I’m feeling. The world is in pain. I feel that so deeply.

There are a lot of loose ends to tie up starting with Marine Corps Marathon. My training was inadequate, but I ran it anyway. It rained for hours and then it turned into a hot, humid afternoon. It was the most challenging race I have ever run. I finished in my slowest marathon time, but quitting was never an option. However, I haven’t run much since. I lost the drive and joy. Lately the urge to run has been bubbling up inside. I want to run again, but I’m not quite ready. I walk everyday. Maybe one day soon I will pick up the pace. Hopefully this will apply to other areas of my life.

This year for Father’s Day, my sister and I took our father to Havana, Cuba for a long weekend getaway. He apparently told my sister that he’s always wanted to visit Cuba since his naval ship was briefly docked in Guantanamo Bay when he was in the navy. I was game. Cuba has always piqued my curiosity.

Prior to the trip, I was told by many people that we wouldn’t be able to get into the country. Of course we would not just book airline tickets and keep our fingers crossed that we would get into the country. The truth is, Americans can travel to Cuba. It is preferable to book certain aspects of your trip through Cuban owned businesses or accommodation rentals to support the Cuban people and their culture. We booked an AirBnB rental privately owned by a Cuban citizen and we booked a tour with a locally owned tour operator.

In the Fort Lauderdale airport, we checked in at the Jet Blue Cuban travel counter. It took all of five minutes and no questions were asked. Upon arrival in Havana we breezed through immigration and customs. Our return trip was equally as uneventful.

In our short stay, we saw as much as we possibly could, but I left wanting to see much more of the country. Being in Cuba is a bit like stepping out of a time machine.  Havana was vibrant and lively. The people were friendly and as Americans we felt very well received. There were only a couple of occasions when we were asked for money, but other than that there was no pan handling or begging. I felt very safe. I ran both mornings we were there and was not alone running along the Malecon and through the main streets of Havana and Old Havana.

The food was delicious and for the most part very affordable. The coffee did not disappoint. I have never been a fan of rum, but when in Cuba, I highly recommend trying a frozen mojito and perhaps a shot of Cuban rum. My smoking days are long over, and I was never a cigar smoker, but my dad enjoyed one.

We visited Hemingway’s home and the iconic El Floridita, home of the Cuban daiquiri and a favorite drinking haunt of Hemingway. I’m really not a big drinker, but again when in Cuba, have a daiquiri at El Floridita, and if not just go in for 10-15 minutes to cool down in the A/C and appreciate the spirited vibe of the place. We took a vintage car tour with a private tour guide. We explored the Bellamar Caves. We toured a Mexican naval ship in Havana harbor. We went to the Castle of the Royal Force. Mostly we wandered the streets and squares in Havana and Old Havana.

A photo tour of our weekend in Cuba 

Friday, June 15, 2018

Our AirBnB rooftop deck

Street near our AirBnB

Back in time

Gone but not forgotten

About 10 kilometers outside of Havana in the town of San Francisco de Paula is Finca La Vigia, the house that belonged to Ernest Hemingway. He lived there from 1940-1960. In 1961, the Cuban government expropriated the home along with thousands of books. Though the home is now a museum, you cannot go inside. You can only peek through the window to catch a glimpse of the eclectic lifestyle of Hemingway. On the grounds are the graves of Hemingway’s dogs and his boat Pilar.

Finca La Vigia – Hemingway’s Home

Hemingway’s Office

Hemingway’s Boat The Pilar

Back in Havana we visited a favorite of Hemingway – El Floridita.

El Floridita

Inside El Floridita is a dedication to Hemingway

On our first night in Cuba we were led to a cute little Cuban eatery I believe was called Paladar Doña Eutimia. The food was simple yet delicious and so reasonably priced. We enjoyed mojitos before our meal and then we were treated to shots of Cuban rum after dinner.

The perfect meal: black beans, rice and plantains

Shots of Cuban rum on the house

The captain with his rum and Cuban cigar

After dinner we explore Old Havana on foot. The Castillo de la Real Fuerza was beautifully lit up. It has been a UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1982. Construction of the castle began in 1555 and was completed in 1577. The Real Fuerza castle is considered the oldest Spanish stone fortress in Latin America.

Castillo de la Real Fuerza (Castle of the Royal Force)

Riding back to our AirBnB in style!

Classic Car Taxi

Saturday, June 16, 2018

My day began with a run through Havana and along part of the Malecon, a seaside avenue. From my AirBnB, I ran past the capitol building, El Capitolio, and Museo de Bellas Artes down the Prado.

El Capitolio

Museo de Bellas Artes

The Prado

As I circled back to the capitol building less than an hour later, a race had almost magically appeared. I received conflicting information about the distance and I cannot seem to find any information online. I finished up my run around 8AM and the race was starting at 10AM. It was already very hot and humid. I cannot imagine beginning two hours later.

We spent the day in a classic car with our own personal Cuban tour guide.

Bacunayagua Bridge – Highest bridge in Cuba 

Cuevas de Bellamar (Bellamar Caves)

We dined at La Guarida. This not so little “hole in the wall” paladar, the term used to describe private Cuban restaurants sometimes located in a one’s home, is perhaps best known as a location for the Oscar-nominated film Fresa y Chocolate. It is unique and inviting. The food was delicious. The decor was kitschy and creative. The rooftop bar was stunning. Reservations are strongly encouraged.

More mojitos

La Guarida rooftop bar

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Sights seen along my morning run on our last day in Cuba.

Jose Marti’s home

Havana Club – Cuban Rum Museum

An old canon

Early morning fishing on the seaside wall along the Malecon

A view of the Castillo de la Real Fuerza from the outside

Around Havana

Chinatown, Havana, Cuba

Street scene

Wall art

Breakfast at El Cafe. That was the name. It took us 2.5 days to find the little eatery, but it was well worth it. Cuban coffee for me, fresh pineapple juice for my dad, and fresh guava juice for my sister and me.

After breakfast we made our way slowly through Old Havana marveling at the intricate details on the buildings, the spectacular doorways, and the beautiful colors all around us.

We made our way through the Castillo de la Real Fuerza

Looking out onto the moat around the  Castillo de la Real Fuerza 

Classic car line up

We returned to the AirBnB to pick up our things and catch a taxi.

By afternoon we were back in Ft. Lauderdale. Never underestimate the value of long weekend adventures.

Until next time Cuba!

On Sunday, April 29th, my running partner, M, and I ran the Daffidil 10K in Amherst, MA. Carlos and his friend ran the 5K. Despite weather reports indicating a gray but dry day, the weather was cold and rainy. That did not stop us! It was actually perfect running weather. The rain let up for most of the race, but started coming down at a good clip in our last mile of the 10K. The hills in this race were no joke. Thankfully we ended on a glorious downhill and a flat stretch to the finish line. Personally I like a challenging race. There is something about pushing myself during a race and using the experience to improve for the next time.

Poncho action!

Since I got into running, I have run the Bridge of Flowers 10K every August. Much to my disappointment they are changing that race and making it an 8K. It’s not the same in my opinion so I have decided not to run it this year. It stands as my 10 KPR prior to the Achilles injury. I haven’t even come close to running that time. I know I am a different runner since the injury, but it’s been 3 years. It’s time to stop using it as an excuse to stall improvement.

Here’s the truth…I’ve gained a little weight this winter, about 10lbs. Yet my body feels like  it’s carrying 30lbs. I feel weighed down and that makes it harder to run. I’m still running and pushing myself, but it just doesn’t feel good. Today is day 1 of marathon training. My first marathon of 2018 is on August 26th, two days before my 45th birthday. If ever there was a time to make important changes in my life and promises to myself it is now. I know what needs to be done.

Someone once asked me why I can’t just lose the weight and be done with it. Clearly this was a person who has never struggled a day in her life with weight/food issues. On the contrary, she was the type of person who literally only ate because she had to in order to live. She experienced no joy in the act of eating. Food was food. Ahh! What must that be like? I love to eat. I eat too much. As a result I am overweight and have a difficult time saying no to food. I have succeeded in losing weight and keeping much of it off, but I am at a crossroads and if I don’t revert to the important habits that allowed me to lose weight slowly and healthily after Carlos was born, then the pendulum is going to keep swinging up.

To answer that woman’s question as to why I can’t just lose the weight and be done with it…the honest answer is I don’t know. If I knew I would probably be able to quit my day job. What I do know, is that I will not give up trying. The secret to weight loss is not so secretive. Eat less, move more. I’ve got the moving part down. It’s the eating part I need to continue working towards conquering.

Today is a great day to start fresh. It’s Monday, April 30th. Marathon training begins. A new graduate school course begins today. There are exactly 120 days between me and age 45. Let’s see what I am capable of in 4 months.

We will not be put off the final goal

We have it in us to attain…

Robert Frost

I have a horrible habit of writing posts and never finishing them. Carlos and I went on an awesome road trip to Washington D.C. last year right after he got out of school for the year. Here are a few of the highlights of our trip.

The FC Barcelona jersey Carlos is wearing caught the attention of a secret service agent. The two of them chatted for nearly a half hour about all things soccer.

We stayed in Old Town, Alexandria, VA. I could have explored the area for days. There was so much to do and see.

Carlos and I are not all that keen on visiting zoos, but we were interested in seeing the pandas at the Smithsonian’s National Zoo. Entrance to the zoo is free so we wandered in and found the pandas. I hate seeing them in captivity, but they are really interesting animals, and quite adorable.

Perhaps one of our favorite things on the trip was the International Spy Museum.

We strolled around the mall in the early evening to see the monuments lit up. I haven’t been to DC in so many years. It was as awe inspiring as I remember it.

We saw so much in the course of a few days. We walked everywhere or took the metro. It was very hot, but the air conditioned museums provided much needed respite from the heat. Carlos insisted on seeing the Holocaust Museum. He has studied World War II at length throughout the last couple of years. I had been to the museum before, but seeing it through a child’s eyes is very interesting. On our last day we went to the George Washington Masonic National Memorial in Alexandria, Virginia because Carlos was very interested in the history of the freemasons. All I could think of was The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown. I love that Carlos has interests in such a range of topics. I learned so much on the trip.

What better way to end a wonderful trip than with a delicious cupcake from Georgetown Cupcake.

Today is Earth Day, 4/22/2018. I enjoyed a lovely early morning trail/road run with my running partner M. She is getting a little more adventurous on trail. We ran about 6.4 miles today and 4 yesterday. It’s been a real treat seeing the sun for two days in a row.

Marathon training begins on 4/30 as does my next grad class, Health Information Systems. Carlos is playing spring soccer and baseball while continuing with weekly karate.  I know that organization will be the key to maintaining my sanity. I began getting a few things in order this weekend. Off to a good start!

It’s April 15th and it still feels like winter here. Today was the inaugural Fort Hill Brewery Half Marathon. Proceeds supported the town high school’s track and field and cross country programs. The weather predictions called for freezing rain and temperatures in the low 30s. Well Mother Nature was on our side. It was cold, but it’s afternoon now and still no rain. The cold I can handle. I was dressed properly and my hands were nice and warm. The wind coming right at us at various points along the course was not very nice, but no complaints because it was not raining.

My running partner, M, and I have been training for this race most of the winter. However, the last 6 weeks or so haven’t produced the best running. She was sick, I was away, I returned and have been feeling really off, and this winter just will not end. We stuck with our training despite some runs that felt downright awful. We maxed out at 10.5 miles and that was by far the most horrible run thanks to unexpected GI issues after I worked an overnight shift at the hospital. M kept me laughing though. We still made it 10.5 of the 11 planned miles that day.

The half marathon went much better than I anticipated. We ran, talked, and enjoyed the course. It was a route we have never run. The race was small and there were virtually no spectators. However, my dear friend Nancy waited at the end of her driveway to cheer for us around mile 5. She even had a sign for me! At the end of the race there was beer and pizza. I’m not a beer drinker and I don’t eat cheese. I sound like a lot of fun, don’t I?! They did have these amazing little energy bars and then, of course, we went for coffee.

Last weekend, I ran a local 5K with Carlos. It was a benefit for the town’s high school music program. I went outside after I woke up and was slapped in the face with 20 something degrees of coldness. The Tiger Pride Trot 5K started at 9am and at 8:15 I finally decided we should brave the cold and run. I do not love 5Ks because I feel like I have to hold a faster than normal/comfortable pace the entire time.  Self-imposed nonsensical thought process, I know. Carlos ran with his friend and his friend’s dad, also his soccer coach. He’s an awesome guy who really tries to motivate the kids to stay active. I moved ahead of them early on because I knew Carlos was fine with his friend and might actually enjoy the experience a little more without me right there. I was by no means killing myself, but once I warmed up, I felt great. This teenage girl stopped about 3/10ths of a mile before the finish and I passed her. About a 10th of a mile before the finish line I could feel her coming up behind me so I decided to fire it up for a little friendly competition. We crossed the finish line at just about the same time. She did beat me though! I was just thrilled to be back to a sub-30 minute 5K. Seriously the bounce back from the Achilles injury and subsequent 10-15 lb (depending on the day) weight gain over the last few years has really slowed me down. My attitude about it has been very relaxed, but I am finally beginning to contemplate running goals again.

Carlos crossed the finish line shortly after I did and he was all smiles. It’s the first race he has accomplished by running the entire distance without walking or complaining. I was very proud of him and secretly proud of myself for beating an 11 year old! Of course, I did not gloat. A couple of days later, my friend who also ran the race with her 11 year old and pushing her 4 year old in a stroller, texted to tell me I came in 2nd and she 3rd in our age group. OK that’s not saying much about the speediness of our age group then. My friend would have come in first and smoked the competition if she didn’t have the stroller. I ran with her once a long time ago and literally thought I was going to die after a couple of miles. She is fast! But I still say hot damn! Who the heck would have thought I’d be running 5Ks never mind coming in 2nd in my age group? I am quite proud of that accomplishment.

2018 is shaping up to be an exciting running year. I am registered for my 9th and 10th full marathon. On August 26th, I will run the inaugural New England Green River Marathon, a point to point course from Marlboro, VT to Greenfield, MA. After a few years of throwing my name in the lottery, I was finally selected to run the Marine Corps Marathon. I will run the 43rd MCM on October 28th.

I also signed up to work with a new running coach. My amazing running coach, Laura, suggested I talk with her friend, an accomplished trail runner, who also coaches. Laura thought she might be better equipped to coach me in running the back to back marathons. I was reluctant because Laura is amazing and has really guided me through the last few years. She assured me this was just a nudge to get me out of my comfort zone and try something new.

I started this running thing over 10 years ago as a challenge to myself. As a new mom strapped for time, running seemed the perfect activity for me as I tried to lose weight, become more energetic, and develop the ability to keep up with my already active child. I never imagined where running would take me. As I began to run longer distances, I have often suspected that I am holding myself back from my full potential. I am ready to dig deeper to find out what I am really able to accomplish. I have already accomplished more physically than I ever imagined was possible. I truly never believed this body could run a 10 minute mile or less than that. It seemed ridiculous at one time to think of myself running a mile never mind a marathon. I have proven myself wrong time and time again. So what if I stop saying I can’t for a little while and stop fearing the temporary burning in my lungs and legs? What will happen? I will never know until I try.

I am a bit nervous of this can of worms I opened in my initial conversation with this new coach, but it is part of the reason why I treat myself to the expertise of a coach. It may seem frivolous or ridiculous that I would pay someone to coach me for a marathon. I mean as someone kindly pointed out, I am not going to win the race! Perhaps I will never win a race, but in my opinion I win every time I cross a finish line or even complete a day to day run. Whatever crabby person. It is my gift to myself to work with a coach for both accountability and education. My goal is actually not to win the race, but to race better, run injury free, and improve MY skills.

I will be 45 in August. This is a tough birthday for me. I have never felt time closing in like I do right now. I wasted so much time before I had Carlos being sedentary and living a rather unhealthy lifestyle. I was moody and miserable. I’m none of that anymore, and I think only about embracing each day to make it more awesome than the day before. I want to do all the things, go everywhere, explore, engage with interesting people, learn new skills, try new activities, and live really live! My dream is to live to be a really old age, but with my mind and body intact. I feel like now is the time to start pushing myself again to see what I am capable of doing. I may never be able to qualify for Boston, but that’s not the only running goal I have.

Trail running and racing fascinates me as do ultra marathons. Running a faster 5K would be a huge accomplishment. The word triathlon swirls around my brain sometimes as does duathlon. For many years now, I have talked about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro when I turn 50. I want to be in good shape when I do (and I will). I want to be in the senior olympics in my 90s. I want to mentor senior athletes when I’m 100. Right now I really want to feel fitter and develop some much needed muscle tone and core strength. This just scratches the surface of my goals.

What are your goals, running or other goals?

Cold winter

It’s cold here in Western Massachusetts. It’s winter, and we expect cold, but it’s been extremely cold. I’m talking too cold to run outdoors. That’s how I determine the force of the cold weather. Now I’m fine going for a run when it’s 18-25 with no wind, 20-30 with a slight breeze, but anything below 18 particularly when it’s windy is just brutal. Friday was crazy warm for this time of year. It was nearly 50 degrees. My friend rallied me to run with her late in the afternoon while it down poured. The rain didn’t bother us because it was so warm out, but we were soaked!! My running partner and I have been keeping a keen eye on our weather app. Yesterday we called off a morning run due to cold and wind. We decided to take a chance and wait to run in the afternoon. It was a good call. The temperature got up to about 28 and there was minimal wind. We snuck in 7 miles for our first long run of half marathon training.

Spinning, Boot Camp, Piyo, Strength, Indoor track

Since I’m not running outdoors so much, it has been a great opportunity to try new fitness classes. My running partner is adventurous and loves trying out new things as well. We participate in a free boot camp every Sunday morning. It is welcome to all, family friendly, and requires no equipment. The woman who runs it, Laura, began a running/fitness/health craze in the area after she took charge of her own health when her daughter was diagnosed with leukemia at a very young age. Years later her daughter is doing well, and Laura continues to inspire many with her commitment to teaching others how to take one small step towards leading a healthier life. A local Cross Fit gym allows her to use the space on Sunday mornings to offer this awesome boot camp to her Run Your Health community. Laura leads us through a fun warm up which often entails a partner activity or group activity. It’s challenging, silly, and sometimes feels embarrassing, but heck we are all doing it. Then we do about 10-15 minutes of ab work. The last 20-25 minutes varies. Often we have a series of 5 exercises, we do 10 reps, run for 30 seconds, then repeat as many times as possible in the 20-25 minutes. Today we did a burpee challenge. Here it is:

Minute 1 – 1 burpee, rest for the remainder of the minute

Minute 2 – 2 burpees, rest

Minute 3 – 3 burpees, rest

You get the point. When you reach your breaking point and cannot possibly do any more burpees in a minute you could switch to 20 air squats and 5 push ups until the end of the boot camp round. I made it to 12 burpees in a row.

On Tuesday mornings at 5:30AM, my running partner and I go to an indoor track at a local high school for a monotonous run around the 10th of a mile loop above the basketball court. We usually squeak out a little over 4 miles in an hour. Sometimes we get dizzy because the loop is so short so we walk a couple of loops! It’s slow going, but we chit chat away and the hour goes by quickly.

Other mornings  during the week we have been going to spinning and strength classes at a local studio not far from my house. I bought a 12 class pass for the month. Our schedule this week:

Monday – 5:45AM Piyo

Tuesday – Indoor Track with possible parking lot loops if not too cold

Wednesday – 6AM spinning; possible 7:30PM boot camp at studio

Thursday – 5:30AM express spin; 6AM express strength and sculpt

Friday – 6AM Turn and Burn (half spin, half strength)

It has been such a fun change for me. I’m still running when I can. Sometimes I go to the gym and do the elliptical and a short treadmill run. I don’t like the treadmill. I still associate it with my Achilles injury so I am a bit reluctant to do it for longer runs. I’m feeling good with this new routine right now.

Yoga with Adriene

It’s January and that means a New Year 30 day yoga challenge with Adriene. I love her and her at home practice that she shares with the world. It’s manageable and beginner friendly. This year is the True – 30 Day Yoga Journey. Do it in 30 consecutive days or do it when it works for you. The classes range from a little under 20 minutes to 40 minutes. They are all different. Don’t care to do the challenge, check out Yoga with Adriene or her You Tube channel for so many different videos. There is a yoga class for every ability and every need.

Books

I’m taking a little break from grad school right now. The timing of the next eight week session runs into my trip to Mozambique. Since I’m not bound to read anything for school, I am elated to be reading for pleasure again.

Two recent reads:

It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover – just read it. It’s a quick read, seems like a light breezy romance novel to begin with, but then there is an interesting twist. Great for a cold weekend indoors or a long plane ride.

This is How it Always Is by Laurie Frankel – I just finished this and my mind is blown. I loved the characters. I was touched by the outcome. It was a sweet, somewhat uncomfortable at times, and well-written story. The topic of this book could not be relevant to our society than it is right now. I am reminded of the invaluable advice Atticus imparts onto Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird, “You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view . . . until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” While we can’t quite go that deep into another’s experience, this story offers the reader an opportunity to see a timely issue through the eyes of those living it even if they are fictitious characters.

Indoor soccer, friends, snow fort, electronics

Winter soccer season is in full swing. My son has been enjoying lots of time with friends during Christmas vacation and on weekends. He’s officially a pre-teen and I’m taking a back seat to his budding social life. He has good friends and he enjoys spending time with them. They are active and play outside more than inside. Carlos and his friend, Tyler, built a killer snow fort in our yard last week. He was so bummed that it only took one slightly warm day and rain to destroy their hard work. Electronics abound in our house, but as we try to find a healthy balance, the rule is weekends only for fun, and laptop during the week for school work. It’s a constant challenge to find the right balance between allowing Carlos the opportunity to learn how to properly use the technology and to remain physically active and attentive to his school work. I’m always open to suggestions or advice. I am the first to admit that this is all new to me and I have no idea what the hell I’m doing. I’m just trying to do my best to keep my child safe and healthy.

Mozambique travel plans

My light at the end of the winter tunnel is an upcoming visit back to Mozambique. My house is nearly complete though devoid of furniture and kitchen appliances. I am hopeful a refrigerator will be installed before I arrive. I do not care about a stove or living room furniture. We do have beds. Most of the time I am outside so indoor furniture is really unnecessary. We will get it at some point, but this home has been a labor of love for Orlando. It has taken many years and extra work to earn the money to build the home. We have taken it one step at a time because there is no mortgage or home loan. This time around the bathrooms are tiled and equipped with a shower, sink, and toilet.

We are planning a family road trip up the coast to Ilha de Moçambique. It will be a first visit for all of us. This tiny island is a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It was used by the Portuguese as a trading post en route to India. Though in disrepair, many of the original architectural structures remain and speak to the integrity of the building materials and quality of workmanship used so long ago.

Other than our road trip, I am really looking forward to visiting with family and friends, reading as much as possible, eating mangos and papaya every day, and taking long leisurely walks through the fields at sunrise.

Preparations for the trip include:

• obtaining visas for entry to Mozambique – send passports to Mozambican embassy in Washington, D.C.
• Travel Medicine for vaccines and anti-malarial medication. I am always given a prophylactic prescription for antibiotics just in case we get sick.
• Carry on: healthy food for the flight, compression socks, herbal tea bags, toiletries, tooth brushes/paste, vitamins, chargers, notebook, pens, iPad with tons of books loaded, etc.
• Pack Carlos’ Birth certificate in carry on for entry and exit to South Africa
• Arrange snow plowing service for our time away in case of a storm
• Put mail on hold
• Clean the house top to bottom so I come home to a clean home
• Order Peapod to be delivered the day after we return to save me a trip to the grocery store

I am turning another year older and feeling very reflective as I typically do on my birthday. The years are going by more quickly now, or at least they feel as though they are. It’s not my age that bothers me, but the vast amount of experiences I hope to accomplish before I am unable. There is just so much I want to do and the time seems to be closing in around me. I truly want to live life to the fullest every day. I am proud to feel younger today than I did 20 years ago when I was living a rather unhealthy, inactive lifestyle, eating horribly and smoking. I definitely did not embrace life back then. Now I feel as though I am playing catch up in many ways. I could fill pages with my bucket list, but for this post I will discuss only one running dream.

I’ve been hesitant to say this out loud because once I do it will become real. I have a running goal that is so far-fetched it seems absurd at times to even consider it. However, it has become clear to me in the last few years that I am capable of much more than I give myself credit for, and I am without a doubt not working up to my potential. It makes me wonder if I was committed to putting in the hard work might I be able to achieve this seemingly unreachable goal? They don’t call it chasing the unicorn for nothing.

I am a Massachusetts girl. I was born and raised in Western Mass. I have lived here most of my life.  I cheer for the Red Sox, Pats, Bruins, and Celtics. I am a terrible driver.  I say wicked, but without the accent because I’m not from Boston. Even before I became a runner, I would watch the Boston Marathon and cry as the winners crossed the finish line.  Then I would continue watching and crying as I listened to the touching stories of the regular Joe’s running the infamous course. In those days, I had no desire to join them. After running my first marathon, I understood the significance of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. Of the many things that make Boston special in the world of running, personally I think qualifying for Boston is the crowning glory for the average runner. Getting into Boston after qualifying is still quite complicated, even impossible for some, but to say I achieved a qualifying time will be vindication enough for my own personal running goals.

And so the chase for the unicorn may begin very soon. I have no plan in place yet. I am very far from a qualifying time. If I wanted to qualify within the next year I would have to run a 3:45 marathon, but if I wait a year until I turn 45 that time goes down to 3:55. I will then have 5 years to achieve that time.

This dream is only known to a few trusted people in my life and has been on a shelf until now. I work hard when I train for a race, but I feel like I hold myself back from really unleashing my true potential. This extends to other areas of my life as well. I can be pushed out of my comfort zone and rise to the challenge, but I have never set really big goals like this one. I read inspirational stories often of people who overcome the most unbelievable circumstances and I think if they can do it why can’t I qualify for Boston.

In 2013, I ran the Montreal Marathon in 4:16:35.  It was a huge PR for me and currently stands as my marathon PR. The next marathon I trained for after Montreal, resulted in injury and months away from running. I am still fighting to get back to the paces I was running that year. If I did it once, I can do it again, and if I could get my time down to 4:16 then why not 3:55? The infinite wisdom of running has taught me that I am more capable than I think I am, and consistent work yields noticeable progress. Regardless of the outcome of my pursuit of a BQ, I am excited to push myself in a very different way while tapping into strength and determination I know exist, but have yet to be uncovered.

We have kept a huge secret from my son since April and this weekend it was finally revealed. Carlos is a soccer player, FC Barcelona fan and soccer trivia buff. His favorite player is Leonel Messi from Argentina. Carlos wears soccer jerseys most days. He plays soccer fall, winter and spring. This summer he and his friends have taken any opportunity to practice together. Xbox game of choice is FIFA.

Soccer has also been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. I played briefly as a child, but my sister made it all the way to her college team until a knee injury took her out. I lived in Mexico and Mozambique where soccer is undoubtedly a national pastime like baseball is to the US. My husband is an avid soccer fan. I’ve gone to many games over the years and watched a number of them on television as well.

I have always enjoyed soccer, but as I’ve watched my son develop a natural love of the sport it enthuses me all the more. Carlos has played since he was four years old. He enjoyed playing with other children and just loved running around. Carlos undoubtedly loved the social aspect of soccer more than anything until about two years ago when he became very serious about it. However, he continues to play for a local travel team, not a competitive team. There are no try outs required. His coach is committed to sportsmanship, team building, and communication. It’s a really good group of boys. The team has struggled though. They are no strangers to losing, but they have learned to lose gracefully.

My sister called me from her home in Florida this April. She was so excited she could barely speak. She had just secured tickets to the final game in the International Champions Cup featuring Carlos’ favorite team FC Barcelona and my sister’s favorite team Real Madrid. My sister studied abroad in Madrid during college and has returned a number of times on vacation. My sister and Carlos share a very special bond. My sister has no children and Carlos is her only nephew. Carlos was also born on her birthday, a complete surprise to all of us. My sister now loves to surprise Carlos. For months the entire family has been in on this secret.

I did have to tell Carlos we were coming to Florida because he really wanted to attend a soccer camp with some of his teammates last week and I had initially told him he could probably go. He was a little disappointed to find out he wouldn’t be going to camp, but he always loves spending time with my sister so it was a fleeting disappointment. He eventually got wind of the International Champions Cup schedule. He never actually considered that he would be able to go to the game in Miami even though he knew we would be down here because I told him the game was sold out and we would be watching it on television with my sister, brother-in-law, his cousin and family, and my dad. Carlos was just excited to be close to the action.

The International Champions Cup culminated last week with four days of El Clásico events in Miami. As if seeing the game weren’t enough, a couple of days before heading to Florida we found out we could go to the Hard Rock Stadium in Miami to watch the teams practice the night before the big game. It was a really fun event. There were tons of kids. Carlos still didn’t know he would be going to the game so he was absolutely thrilled to be this close to his favorite soccer team and player. I loved watching all of the joy in the faces of the children there especially my own.

My sister finally spilled the beans shortly before it was time to leave for the game. She presented Carlos with two new Barcelona jerseys and asked him which one he would rather wear to the game. It took him a minute to understand what was happening. He was stunned! Then he started jumping up and down.

The night was incredible. We hit virtually no traffic on our way to the stadium. The storm from earlier in the day had subsided. The energy inside the stadium was positively electric. Soccer fans are passionate! The game started with a bang. FC Barcelona scored two goals in less than 7 minutes. Carlos went wild!

Real Madrid scored a goal before the end of the first half. Barcelona fans weren’t too worried though.

Halftime was a treat for me. Marc Anthony played a short halftime set. I absolutely love salsa music!

FC Barcelona scored the only goal in the second half and it led to a stunning win not only for that game, but the entire tournament. I was thrilled for Carlos. It was the perfect end to a terrific night.

I have really enjoyed this trip. However, I did not do much running due to the heat and humidity. Even at 5am the air was uncomfortably thick. Instead of running I took this opportunity to change up my workouts. I experienced Orangetheory Fitness for the first time and I loved it so much I took another class. I really wish we had one closer to home. I took a long leisurely walk through nearby Hugh Taylor Birch State Park and on the beach. I also swam almost every day. It felt amazing to be back in the water. I have always been a strong swimmer, but I do not do it nearly as often as I should. I was reminded of how important it is to get outside of my comfort zone once in a while. Running is great and I love it, but my body needs a little jolt of change once in a while.

I have a few hours to sleep before it’s time to get up and get ready to go back home.

I have half a dozen unfinished posts. I’m days behind in paperwork for my job. I have taken a hiatus from grad school already and I have only completed three courses. I have no marathons on the calendar for the rest of 2017. I haven’t had my eyebrows threaded in too many weeks. My pedi is almost overdue but hanging in there. My house could use a scrubbing. And the list goes on…

I certainly haven’t been relaxing on a gorgeous beach letting my life fall to pieces. It’s my job. It’s sucking the life out of me. No details needed. They would bore you and frankly they don’t matter. I’m an employee through and through. I do what I’m told even when it’s simply too much for one person. I learned a valuable lesson years ago when I complained about a situation at work. I was scolded and told that if I was going to complain I better have some solutions to improve the situation. 

I don’t have any suggestions on how to make this situation better or more manageable right now. I’m not alone in how I feel. I know my colleagues are feeling the burn too. We work independently and rarely come in contact with each other. Venting via work email is not a good idea because we are positive big brother is watching. 

I listen to podcasts when I’m in the car or while I’m doing mundane paperwork. I love how many of these people advocate for others to leave a job that isn’t fulfilling or meaningful and follow their dreams. They never mention practical things like financial aspects of up and quitting your job to start a smoothie stand on a touristy beach in Mozambique (I beg Orlando everyday to let me try. I’m bringing my Vitamix next time we go!)

So how do they do it? Do people not care about having money to retire? Or for those with children are they not concerned about giving them life experiences which often cost a little bit of money? How about health insurance? Interestingly I work for a health insurance company and my husband’s package is much better than mine so we use his insurance. Do these people not pay car insurance, excise taxes, utility bills? They all have social media so they must have to pay for at the very least a smart phone. Those are not cheap. Do they eat or do they all grow their own food? I have so many questions none of which are ever answered in the podcasts or in blogs. 

The truth is, I’m not really sure what my dream job is, but I know for sure it’s not what I’m doing now. I’m a nurse case manager for a senior care plan for a large national health insurance company. Basically I help low income elderly obtain healthcare services so they can stay at home as long as possible. I love visiting with them, but that is the smallest part of my job. The majority of the time I am dealing with mountains of documentation and tending to compliance issues. There seems to be a new issue daily. It’s mind numbing and frustrating, but… and this is why I can’t just quit, I work from home, the job is flexible, the other benefits are decent, I get a fair amount of vacation time (though I tend to do paperwork because it’s portable), and I don’t have to worry about finding to watch my son on snow days or if he gets sick. 

In all honesty I’m not brace enough to quit. I’ve worked since I was 15. I am a hard worker. I’m very dedicated even if I don’t like my job. When I worked full time at the hospital I only called out sick three times. Once was when I broke my ribs. I took two days off for the broken ribs. My co-worker broke her toe and was out for a month! I am not advocating this work ethic because you don’t win any awards for it. If you’re not feeling great physically or even mentally and you have sick time take a day off to decompress and revive your soul. It’s right to take care of yourself. I am not great at practicing everything I preach.