Freedom

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My little guy is attending day camp this week at a local YMCA. He is having an absolute blast. The camp counselors are so sweet, fun and patient. My goodness are they patient. They keep the children busy all day long with a new activity nearly every 30 minutes including swimming, arts and crafts, gymnastics, dancing, games and more. Carlos is absolutely wiped out by the time I pick him up at 3.

Everyone keeps asking me what I’m doing with my new found “freedom.” I’ve been plenty busy for sure. On Monday I ran 6 miles before running a bunch of mundane errands and picking up the house. On Tuesday I ran 8 miles, did more errands and then I went to the mall. I got my eyebrows waxed, bought some new eyeshadow at Bare Escentuals, and even treated myself to a few new things from Loft. Yesterday I received an email from Loft announcing a one day sale on scoop neck tees, 2 for $15. I couldn’t pass it up. I also picked up two pairs of crop pants. They are OK, better than jeans for this warm weather we’ve been having.

I hate pants! There I said it. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want to walk around naked from the waist down. I have always had a problem finding pants that fit properly and flatter my figure. They don’t exactly make pants for woman with pear shapes. Yup that’s right I’m all hips and butt! Try getting skinny jeans on my lower half…ain’t gonna happen. I have no sense of fashion. I just try to keep it simple and neutral colors. I used to beg friends and family to nominate me for the TLC show “What Not to Wear.”

Enough of that. I had to have a filling removed and replaced this morning. I specifically made the appointment for today since I knew that Carlos would be at camp and I wouldn’t need a sitter. My dentist is great. I was in and out in 23 minutes. Now I am relaxing on the sofa, alone, just me. I don’t think I’ve sat here since I was pregnant…just joking. Sort of.

Sure it’s been nice to have some time to get things done around the house and errands I’ve been neglecting. Everyone needs a little “me” time once in a while. This opportunity is wonderful for him to spend pure, quality playing time with old friends and new ones too. I miss the little guy though. Soon enough he will be in school full time for the next 13 years if you count kindergarten. This camp is only for one week in June and one week in August. We’ve got lots of local activities planned in between. It is shaping up to be a fun summer.

In my last post I talked about feeling a sense of freedom when I put away my scale and how I was recently reintroduced to the scale. I am working on my weight loss goals again. I still don’t have a clear cut plan, just trying to use the “tools” that have helped me to lose in the past and making small changes. I have decided to weigh in every two weeks for now so that I can gauge my success. I refuse to allow it to become a daily habit or a burden to my goals.

Fourth of July weekend is upon us. You know what that means – picnics, barbecues, fireworks, swimming and desserts! I’m currently on the hunt for a healthy, tasty Independence Day inspired dessert because we also celebrate my aunt’s birthday on that day.

Here are some fun facts about the Fourth of July:

  • Massachusetts was the first state to declare the Fourth of July an official state holiday (Yeah Mass!)
  • The vote for actual independence took place on July 2, 1776 but it was on July 4 that Congress formally adopted the Declaration of Independence
  • Founding Fathers John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both died on July 4, 1826, ironically the 50th anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence.

Many moons ago before I became a nurse I graduated from college the first time with a degree in History. I have always loved learning about early American History. I often wonder what our Founding Fathers would think if they saw what this country has become today. I won’t wax political very often, if at all here on the blog, but I think we can all admit that this country has been at war for a long time. Operation Iraqi Freedom began on March 20, 2003. It is all too frequent that I hear of local men and women who have lost their lives serving this country in the Middle East. I fear for the family members of friends who are currently serving in the military and are stationed in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere. I pray for them to remain healthy and return safely. My sincerest thanks to the American troops everywhere.

Fly Freedom

Numbers

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About a year ago I put my scale away and I haven’t weighed myself since. It was liberating to be free of the scale. I was no longer playing weird mind games with myself about the numbers on the scale. You know, if I don’t eat anything from now until morning, drink lots of water and then weigh myself completely naked after my first pee in the morning then maybe it will show a loss. It wasn’t working. I was stuck on a never ending plateau.

Around the same time that I ditched the scale I also registered for a half marathon and began training. My body seemed to change over the course of six months. I dropped from a size 14 to a size 12. Suddenly everything in my closet fit. I felt so much better in my body. Judging by my clothing I fluctuated a bit over the winter, but I knew when to reel it in and seemed to return back to where my clothing fit comfortably within a week or two.

I am nowhere near a happy weight, but I am much more confident and comfortable in my skin. I have been thinking a lot about getting back into weight loss mode now that I have adapted a regular fitness routine. I enjoy running so much and I love running races, but it often bothers me to know that I could be running faster and stronger if I were to lose a little more weight. I know that it would make me feel better and more confident.

A few weeks ago my husband and I had to have medical exams for new life insurance policies. The first time we took out life insurance I was denied any kind of preferred status because of my weight. Well that was shortly after giving birth to my now four year old son. I weighed nearly 200 pounds. When I last weighed myself a little over a year ago I was 168 pounds. I thought for sure I had lost at least 10 pounds if not more over the last year. Needless to say when the nurse weighed me for the insurance medical exam I was shocked and disappointed to learn that I had only lost 4 pounds. I weighed 164 pounds. Writing the numbers here is difficult for me. I never discuss my weight in numbers, but it’s important for me to acknowledge where I am at this point in my weight loss journey. I should also mention here that my height is 5’3″ (barely).

This has been on my mind for days. I instantly berated myself and decided that I should restrict certain foods from my diet until the scale showed a more significant loss. Within minutes I reminded myself how far I’ve come over the past year. My diet is made up of nearly all whole foods. I no longer rely on fat free and sugar free substitutes. I now bake my own treats with real ingredients and eat realistic portions. I make activity a part of every day. I have run a half marathon, signed up for a full, tried yoga, Zumba and body blast classes. I hike with my son. I take the stairs whenever possible. We rarely eat out anymore because we are all happier with my lighter, healthier creations. I wear a bathing suit when I go to the beach and I don’t even dread it (mind you it’s a tankini with the skirt bottom!). My weight is no longer the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I consider when I go to bed.

So instead of putting myself on some ridiculous crash diet I did nothing…nothing drastic. I knew that I needed to give myself time to decide how I wanted to approach this. My son was finishing up school which meant a huge change in my workout schedule. I had the half marathon to run. My husband’s work schedule had changed a bit possibly rendering my sleep time even less. My Dad came to visit over Memorial Day weekend. I worked a 7 night stretch at the same time he was visiting. Too many things were going on at once. From previous experience I knew that any changes to my diet would be fruitless with so much happening and so little time to plan.

We met with the insurance agent just a couple of days ago to finalize our policies. My husband, of course, qualified for the highest preferred category. This time I did qualify for regular preferred though I was denied the highest preferred rating due to my weight. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I have struggled with weight issues since I was a teen. Though, I can honestly say that I have not felt this good about myself ever. I don’t love my body the way I wish I did, but I am so proud of what my body has been able to do in these last four years starting with carrying another life and giving birth to my son. I have so much more respect for my body. I know for a fact that I will not return to the 170s, 180s, 190s or 200s again. I hated the way I felt when I was at those weights and I haven’t forgotten that uncomfortable, self-conscious feeling yet. However, it’s time to see this weight loss journey to the end so that I can take a right turn and travel down the road to maintaining my happy, comfortable weight.

I don’t have an exact plan yet. One change at a time seems to be what works best for me. The first thing I know I need to tackle is night time snacking at work. I have been eating my fair share of graham crackers, Saltines and peanut butter at work for a few months now. Going cold turkey and eating nothing is not the answer, but I can bring healthier foods to curb my hunger. Last night I had to go to bed when my husband got home so I packed my dinner to bring to work. I brought some fresh pineapple and this amazing Quinoa Mediterranean salad from Emily’s recipe at Daily Garnish. It was light, refreshing, healthy and delicious. I brought extra for my co-workers to try and they loved it too. My husband ate the huge container I left him for dinner and he thought it was fantastic too. It was certainly a much more nutritious option than graham crackers. And yes the grahams sometimes served as my dinner. Bad bad bad!

Other small things I have been doing:

  • measuring and weighing food to control portions
  • immediately chopping and storing produce when I come home from the store to make it readily accessible for salads and snacks
  • drinking homemade fruit flavored unsweetened iced tea
  • snacking on my basic Green Monster smoothie (ice, banana, spinach, carrot, 1/3 cup soy or almond milk, cinnamon, ground ginger and a teaspoon of Agave)
I don’t have an exact weight that I want to be. I just know that this is not it for me. I am realistic and really more interested in feeling, being and looking healthy.

Wyola

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On Saturday I ran the Lake Wyola 31st annual 4.8 mile road race around the lake. This is one of my favorite places to go during the summer. The lake is about 40 minutes from my house. The drive there is easy and generally there is no traffic. My friend and I go at least once a week with our four year olds. This year we are sharing a parking pass which allows us access to many of the state parks across Massachusetts. We pack a cooler with drinks and lunch, unload our chairs, bags, beach toys, etc. and we are in for a fun and relaxing day.

There is a perfectly sized sandy beach area equipped with at least two life guards. The swimming area is roped off so the kids no where they can swim. We plop our chairs by the shore and chit chat away while the kids have a blast swimming and digging in the sand. It is such a low maintenance day for us especially after working all night.

Carlos at Lake Wyola 2010

Carlos at Lake Wyola 2011

My little fish

Anyway last week when we were there I noticed a sign for the road race. At the very last minute and after a really wet Friday I decided to run it on Saturday morning, the morning of the race. My Mom came to watch Carlos because my husband was working. He was bummed because he loves it there too.

Carlos and my Mom headed to the beach while I went to register and wait for the race to begin. The registration was held in the lake’s association building which was adorable. There was no line so I walked right up with my form and money. The people were super friendly and welcoming. There were huge trays of watermelon, bananas and orange slices out for the runners and walkers to enjoy along with water and Gatorade.

I absolutely love people watching pre-race. As I’ve said before I have no pre-race rituals. I just kind of hang around waiting for the race to begin. I watched as the walkers took off at 9:30. One woman at the front of the pack started off at a slow jog and was disqualified!

The race began promptly at 10 am. We ran towards the beach area which was only about a quarter of a mile away if that. I was able to high five my son. Then we began a nearly 1.5 mile ascent up the road that leads back into town. The weather was perfect for running but seemed blazing hot going up the hills. I ran almost the whole incline, but walked a small portion at the end while drinking some water. After the uphill climb we took a left and were treated with a steady decline along a shady dirt road. There were a few more small hills towards the end but they were nothing compared to the beginning.

I was so excited to see my Mom and Carlos at the finish line. I crossed the finish at 46:35. The post race festivities included more fruit, water, Gatorade and lots of baked goods. We stayed to watch the winners get their prizes and for the raffle. I didn’t win a raffle prize but I did go home with a bag of bananas…great for banana soft serve or smoothies.

While they were announcing the winners Carlos very loudly asked when they were going to call my name! I’m sure that I turned red. After every race he asks if I won. I always explain that I did win because I finished. Someday he’ll understand exactly what I mean, but for now I’m just glad that he’s there to watch me doing something healthy and active.

This was a fantastic race. I hope to do it again next year. The race was well organized, family friendly and followed a beautiful course.

To close this post I thought I would share a photo of how most of our trips to Lake Wyola end.

One tired fish

Lake

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I’m leaving in a few minutes to run a race around my favorite local lake. There is a 4.8 mile road race this morning at Lake Wyola in Shutesbury, MA. I just found out about it and thought it would be a fun way to get my run in today. This week was a horrible week for activity. We had a lot of rain and I didn’t have any babysitters lined up to watch Carlos.

I was playing this race by ear because of the rain. Right now it is gray, gloomy and damp outside, but no rain at the moment. My mom will be coming too so that she can watch Carlos while I run. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for a dry race, but I’m so glad that I saved my old sneakers so my new ones won’t be a disaster.

Here’s my mom now. I’ll be back for a recap.

Sandwich

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This past Sunday I ran my second half marathon…ME! I ran the Old Sandwich Road Half Marathon in Plymouth, MA. The day was absolutely perfect for running. It was sunny, high 60s to low 70s with a cool breeze.

I woke up bright and early around 6 a.m. thanks to my four year old alarm clock! I can’t resist that face though.

My alarm clock

Since the race wasn’t starting until 10 a.m. I had time to relax and snuggle with my little bug. I took my time getting ready. I ate my usual Joseph’s whole grain tortilla with a banana and peanut butter. I gathered all of my gear including the packet of Gu I found in my race bag. I had never tried Gu before but I didn’t have anything else for fuel so I thought I would try it. I got dressed, put my number on, tied my sneaks and off we went.

Orlando and Carlos dropped me off at South Plymouth High School where the shuttle buses were waiting to take us to the starting line. Here are the obligatory family pre-race photos.

Orlando and I before the race

Before the race with Carlos

Can I just say that Carlos takes much better photos than Orlando. I know, neither are stellar, but at least it preserves the memory.

The shuttle ride to the starting line took about 15 minutes. I was on the first bus so I had about an hour’s wait before the race began. The view from where we waited was beautiful, overlooking the ocean. I didn’t know anyone there so I just stood and took it all in. I am a pretty low key racer. I don’t run before a race and I had already done some basic stretching at the hotel. I love watching all of the pre-race rituals. Running is such an individual sport. There really is no wrong or right. I did eventually strike up a conversation with a few women and that helped to pass the time. One of them was wearing Vibrams and was doing her first long run in them. I spotted a few more along the course. Fun!

The start time was delayed by 10 minutes. By this time the sun had really perked up and we were beginning to feel the warmth. The start was a bit disorganized and chaotic. I simply started moving when everyone in front of me got going. There was no timing mat. We had to wear velcro ankle timing straps. This was new for me, but it wasn’t bothersome as I feared it might be.

We started out on Old Sandwich Road for which the race is named. It is the Oldest Road in America, having once served as a Wampanoag Indian foot trail. It later became a common stagecoach and mail delivery route between Sandwich, MA and Plymouth, MA.

Old Sandwich Road

There are seven historic sites along the dirt road. Unfortunately they are not highlighted along the route and although I had read about them prior to the race, I definitely missed most of them. Once the crowd thinned and I had some room to breath I just zoned out and enjoyed the tranquil scenery.

The Boy Scouts did a wonderful job of manning water stations along the way. They had water and Gatorade which was so appreciated.

I really felt good throughout the race. I knew that I was running a steady pace, but since I didn’t have my Garmin I wasn’t sure of my actual pace. There were no time clocks along the way so I had no idea how I was doing. When Old Sandwich Road ended at about the 6 mile mark the “rolling hills” began and continued until just about the end of the race. I took the Vanilla Gu around mile 7 and I wanted to gag. I did not enjoy that at all. I will stick to fruit chews or raisins. Yuck!!

I started losing steam around mile 11. There was quite an uphill climb about half way into mile 11 and I finally gave in and took a walking break. Once I saw the mile 12 marker I picked up the pace. The race ended in the high school football stadium. As soon as I saw the high school I instantly felt a surge of energy. The course had us run around the back of the school before we could see the stadium. Once inside the stadium we had to run 3/4 of the track before finally crossing the finish line.

I was ecstatic to finish in 2:16:51. My only goals in a race are to have fun, run strong and try to beat my last time by a second or more! I accomplished my goals and more. This was definitely a PR as my last half time was 2:21:49.

A few days after the race I got an email directing me to a race review website. I wrote a glowing blurb about what a great race it was. Not only do I hate to be negative I really didn’t have anything bad to say about the race. Then I read this review and my heart sunk:

“The course was short; only 12.7 not 13.1 and the lack of medals was really a huge disapppointment; especially since a finisher’s medal was advertised on the website.  If they needed to cut expenses, they should have done away with the cold hamburgers and hot dogs.  The race time should have been earlier; having your longest race go into the heat of the day isn’t great planning.  There was also a section of the course where runners were on both sides of the street and cars were coming in both directions; again, poor planning.  I wouldn’t run this one again.”

If the course wasn’t really 13.1 then I didn’t really PR. That would be a huge disappointment.  I didn’t wear my Garmin so I’m not sure. As for the medal, I have never received a medal for any race I’ve run, including the ING Hartford Half Marathon. Most people find this odd. I don’t really care. I don’t even keep my bibs. I’m not a saver. I know I ran the race and usually have a photo or two of me wearing the bib. I also have a race tab on the blog to keep track of my races and times.

I agree that the start time should have been earlier, 8am would have been perfect. Sharing the road with cars was a bit daunting as the runner lane was wide enough for barely 2 runners, but I understand that blocking traffic or closing roads can be challenging as well.

By the time I finished the race there was nothing being offered except water bottles. Since I was heading to lunch with my family I didn’t really care, but I did find it a bit odd since every race I have run has had some post race festivity.

Overall I enjoyed the race and I would recommend it to others who live nearby.  It was a great feeling to cross that finish line. I seriously get tears in my eyes when I realize that I have completed two half marathons. Really? Who am I?

Plymouth

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What a fabulous weekend! I ran the Old Sandwich Half Marathon in Plymouth, MA yesterday. The town is about a 2.5 hours drive from our home. It is south of Boston and just north of Cape Cod. I try to use races as an opportunity to spend time with my family in a new place.

We arrived to Plymouth on Saturday around 11 am.  Since it was too early to check into our hotel we decided to visit Plimouth Plantation. Although I grew up in Massachusetts and have a Bachelor’s Degree in History I am ashamed to say that I have never visited the historical town of Plymouth.

Plimouth Plantation is an experiential learning center for visitors to explore the unique relationship between the English settlers and the Wampanoag People who called this land their home long before the colonists arrived.

A Wampanoag man carving out a canoe

The English Village

The three of us in the English Village

Then we went to downtown Plymouth for lunch. We sat on the deck of the Waterfront Bar & Grill for a light lunch. I had the Waterfront Salad which was described as a bed of mixed greens topped with sliced strawberries, blueberries, red onion, toasted pine nuts and diced baby swiss cheese. It was just ok. They went very conservative on the berries and I should have asked for feta cheese instead of the swiss. I had mine with balsamic vinaigrette. The hot soft rolls that came with it were delicious though.

Then we set out for a long walk along the waterfront. We saw the Mayflower II and Plymouth Rock.

Mayflower II

The Mayflower II is an actual replica of the original Mayflower which brought the Pilgrims to what is now Massachusetts in 1620.

Plymouth Rock Portico

Plymouth Rock

Yup that’s it! The original Plymouth Rock has been moved, broken and chipped at numerous times. What remains is now on display at the waterfront in Plymouth not far from the Mayflower II.

Carlos on the waterfront

It was a beautiful day, but we did need sweatshirts especially down near the water. After our walk we checked into the hotel. Carlos had been waiting patiently for the highlight of his weekend, the Pilgrim Cove Indoor Theme Pool with a water slide.

Pilgrim Cove Indoor Theme Pool and Water Slide

We had a blast. I think we did at least 60 runs down the slide. I felt like a kid again. We spent almost two hours in the pool. Needless to say I had worked up quite an appetite. After showers we went to dinner at the hotel restaurant. I was really craving greens. I ended up with almost the same salad I ate for lunch except this one was hearty, came with feta cheese and was loaded with berries. After dinner we went back to the waterfront for ice cream and then got silly with the camera.

Horseback ride

Rock Climbing

Mommy in the middle (taken by Carlos)

Tree climbing

We packed a lot into one day, but still made it to bed at a reasonable time. I felt well rested when Carlos woke me up around 6 am. The race had a start time of 10 am so I had some time to just relax and take my time getting ready. Stay tuned for a recap of the Old Sandwich Road Half Marathon.

Crazy

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Yesterday was a low key day. I prepared the house for a visit from my Dad who is visiting from Florida. I cleaned and then baked this delicious banana blackberry bread that I found on Foodbuzz. I saved two pieces to bring to my co-workers and my husband ate nearly half of it before I went to work last night. I must say it was tasty.

After a busy two nights off from work I returned last night to begin a seven nights in a row. I enjoyed a relaxing visit to the salon yesterday evening to “paint” my hair as Carlos likes to say. I’m trying so hard to grow my hair out to donate it to Locks of Love. I have always wanted to do this but I’ve never been successful at growing my hair long. You are required to donate 10 inches from tip to tip. We measured my hair last night and it is about 5.5 inches if I were to cut it just above my shoulders. I’m not sure how long it will take but I’m willing to keep growing it until I reach the 10 inches.

Work was good. We have been extremely busy lately and have maintained a full house for quite a while. I am so lucky to work with a great team. At night it is just myself, the charge nurse and a mental health associate. We all get along so well which makes the night even more enjoyable. Plus I bring them treats! They loved the banana blackberry bread.

All night I had a slightly unsettled stomach at the thought of doing my long run this morning while Carlos was at school. I even forgot to eat my usual banana and peanut butter toast. I had eaten a small bowl of cereal at work and too many graham crackers so I wasn’t too concerned. I grabbed some fruit leather and Welch’s fruit snacks for the run. I gathered up my gear: Garmin, iPod, headphones, and 3 water bottles. I dropped Carlos off and decided to just go for it…12 miles was the plan.

I felt so great during my first loop that I decided to do part of the loop again to make 5 miles before I hit the car for water and a snack. I completed the first 5 in just under 50 minutes. Then I started out for another 5 miles. I was a bit slower, but there were moments during this second loop where I felt phenomenal, like my legs could run forever. I completed 10.20 miles by the time I made it to the car for a second round of water and a snack.  I only had 1.80 miles to complete my goal. Piece of cake! I finished the 12 miles in just under two hours and five minutes. It was a great day for a run. The rain held off, the sun was out, there was enough of a breeze to mask the looming humidity, I was running at my favorite reservoir and I felt fabulous! I’ve come to know some of the grounds crew there by face and the man mowing the lawn gave me a friendly wave or a thumbs up each time I ran by. As I passed him for the last time I signaled that this was it, he chuckled and mouthed jokingly “you’re crazy.”

I am a little crazy. My days are chock full. I love being busy and active. I try to take advantage of each day to do something fun, active and outdoors with Carlos. For so long I made excuses to not be active. I couldn’t lose weight as a result. I feel so much better when I exercise and it undoubtedly helps me to lose weight and has helped me maintain any weight loss.  I find that doing “something” every day prevents me from losing momentum which makes me less likely to quit. Sometimes “something” is as simple as a walk to the library. So while most would agree that I should get more sleep, I am healthier and happy than I have ever been. I don’t advocate that anyone try to emulate my schedule. It works for me and my family. I do get sleep, probably more than it would seem.

Our day ended with a huge play date at the playground. We went with my Dad, his girlfriend and her two granddaughters and then met up with lots of kids from Carlos’ school and their parents. The kids had a blast and the grown ups were busy chit chatting about the rapidly approaching summer break. It was a great day!

Vegitari-not

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The other night we had dinner at our friends’ home. We sat down to a lovely home cooked meal of chicken, tomato risotto with sausage and sauteed kale. My husband looked at me curiously to see what I would do. We hadn’t talked about this and I was silently praying that he wouldn’t say anything to our friends.

I stopped eating red meat, pork and poultry in March.  I have made many modifications in my diet over the past year and this seemed like a natural transition. I have seen Food Inc. and read various articles as well as the book Skinny Bitch. I never had a strong connection with animals. I didn’t grow up with pets nor am I all that comfortable around animals, but I don’t like the idea of any living thing being treated cruelly or tortured. I had decreased the amount of meat in my diet to once or twice a week if that in the last year so it wasn’t really difficult to stop eating it all together.

I really like the way I feel when I do not eat meat. I will be honest, I would love to go full force all on vegan, but I know myself and if I don’t ease into change then it doesn’t stick. That’s always been my problem. I start out strong but finish weak making any changes null and void.

I don’t label myself with any diet terminology. I actually haven’t been very vocal about my diet change. I told my immediate family and a few friends. So at dinner on Saturday night I graciously accepted a small piece of chicken, a helping of risotto and as much kale as I could possibly take without depriving others of a serving.

That experience made me realize how challenging it would be to become strictly vegetarian or vegan. It would require me to actually tell people for one thing. I grew up in a big Italian family who thought it was sinful not to eat large heaping portions of homemade meat ravioli drenched in meat sauce accompanied by chicken parmesan. Seconds were practically mandatory. To say that my family is set in their ways is an understatement. I brought a quinoa salad to Thanksgiving dinner and my mother kept asking me what to do with it. “Now what is this again?” I love her dearly but seriously??? She is trying though and now keeps veggie burgers in the freezer.

Ironically when I was in the application process to become a Peace Corps Volunteer I was asked during the interview if I was a vegetarian or had any dietary restrictions. I said no and then was asked if I understood why I would be asked such a question. I did understand. Meat is a luxury in many countries. Offering a chicken or a goat is often a sign of respect to a guest in someone’s home. Also other cultures have different traditions or celebrations that “require” eating certain foods. Let me tell you I ate my fair share of goat, freshly killed chicken, pig, cow, innards, fish with heads, sardines, and a variety of unidentified things I would rather not think about.When your colleague invites you to her home, comes in with a white and a brown chicken that probably cost her family a week’s salary, and asks you to choose which one you want for dinner it’s really difficult to say “oh by the way I don’t eat meat.” That’s not to say that you can’t maintain your convictions, many volunteers did remain vegetarian. I am a people pleaser and have always tried to be accommodating to others. These are not in any way redeeming qualities. The older I get the more I am learning that I need to take care of me first and then worry about others.

My husband and I talked about how I felt after eating meat on Saturday night. I didn’t enjoy it as much as I would have years ago. I felt a little guilty but mostly conflicted. If I am not a full fledged vegetarian then how often is it ok to eat meat. Do I make up my own rules like I will only eat meat if it is served to me at someone else’s home?

One thing that might make it easier for me in situations like this would be to bring a hearty side dish like this Cilantro Lime Speltberry Salad from Angela at Oh She Glows.  I made it the other night and it is truly delicious. I offered to bring something but was asked to bring dessert. Next time I will bring both!

This was an eye opening experience that has given me much to ponder especially as we head into Memorial Day Weekend and at least two barbecues on the calendar.

Grass

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This weekend was my first weekend off in a month. Aside from the indecisive weather, rainy one minute…hot and humid the next, the weekend was glorious and busy. I was off Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. Thursday afternoon was the dreaded swimming class. I decided to take Carlos one more time. He became upset upon the mere mention of the class. He insisted on clinging to me all the way to the pool. Then he sat and watched the entire class. We approached the instructor at the end and informed him that we wouldn’t be coming back. Carlos seemed instantly relieved.

Thursday evening I went to the 6 pm Zumba class in town. I love Zumba. I am not the least bit self conscious in this class.  It helps that the class is in a big auditorium so there are no mirrors encircling the room. I love the music and the dance moves. It’s just fun.

Friday was a busy day. I brought Carlos to school and then had to make a snap decision about where to do my long run. The misty drizzle turned to a light rain and I decided to head to the gym. I cranked out 11 boring miles on the treadmill in about 2 hours 10 minutes. My strategy on the treadmill is to just go with the speed that I am comfortable with. I increase when I feel like it and decrease it when I feel like it. I never go below 5 miles an hour and I try to stay more in the range of 5.5 to 6.5 miles per hour. I take a quick water break at a walking pace after each mile and a slightly longer break off the treadmill after 3 or 4 miles. I brought two little boxes of  raisins with me which I ate after mile 6 and mile 9. I refilled my water bottle 3 times. Once I was finished I felt great, even better when I realized I wouldn’t have to worry about doing a long run all weekend. Friday night after putting Carlos to bed I made a pilgrimage to Trader Joe’s, Whole Foods and Walmart (don’t judge). I picked up the juicer that I had ordered on Walmart.com. Orlando and I have wanted one for a while. I have yet to open the box, but I think today will be the day. I also picked up lots of goodies at Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. The weather was wild and at one point while driving there each side of the street looked an entirely different climate.

Sunny side

Stormy side

As I drove off after taking these photos lightning cracked across the sky in one of the most brilliant displays of nature I have ever seen. I wish I could have captured a photo of that.

On Saturday morning we met with a financial advisor, someone we have been working with for a few months to tweak our retirement and life insurance plans. It was a very informative and productive meeting. The afternoon was consumed with a benefit for a family member with leukemia. There was a blood drive and bone marrow donor registry. Orlando and I did the cheek swabs to be placed on the bone marrow donor list. Unfortunately we are unable to donate blood because of our recent visit to Mozambique as it is a malarial country. It used to be that you could donate after six months but now you have to wait a full year after visiting a malarial country. I used to donate blood as often as I could and I was also a platelet donor.

After the benefit we went to dinner at our friends’ house. We haven’t seen this couple and their two girls in a long time. It’s terrible how quickly time flies. It was such a nice night, lots of chatter, a glass of wine and great food. The kids got along really well even though Carlos is much younger than the girls. He was a little pesky at times but they didn’t seem too bothered. He loves playing with the big kids.

We all slept a bit late on Sunday and by late I mean 7 am! Carlos and I hit the grocery store around 10 am. By the time we got home the sun was out and we were all anxious to do something outdoors. The three of us decided on a hike at a nearby hiking area. We ended up on a trail that was new to all of us. It led us up Mt. Norwottuck and eventually we came upon this gorgeous view…

View from Mt. Norwottuck

It was a great hike. I am always impressed by the stamina that Carlos has at four years old. He loves to hike and charges right up any incline. He lets us know when he needs a break but they aren’t frequent or long.

Here are few more pictures from the hike.

Carlos and Orlando at the top of Mt. Norwottuck

After our hike we stopped at one of our favorite ice cream places Flayvors at Cook Farm. I was intrigued by the special flavor Hadley Grass. I was offered a sample of their homemade asparagus ice cream! It was delicious and intriguing. You could see pieces of asparagus but it didn’t have a strong asparagus flavor like I expected. I ordered a kid size cone. Carlos even tried a bite!

Hadley Grass (Asparagus Ice Cream)

It was a productive, fun family weekend. I returned to work Sunday night and Monday night. Now I am off for two before I begin a long seven night stretch at work. This is not the norm for me, but I am working Memorial Day for a colleague so that puts me on for seven nights in a row. I have a weekend away in Plymouth and a half marathon to look forward to the following weekend.

Torn

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Carlos has always loved the water. Even as a baby he loved playing in it and playing with it.

Just chillin'

Bath time was just an excuse for more play time in the water.

Fun in the bath

As much as he loved the water, Carlos was always a bit hesitant to “let go” in the pool. Last summer Carlos took swimming lessons in our town. Our elderly neighbor continues to teach the lessons that he has been teaching for at least a half century.  The parents of many of the kids in the class had Mr. Houton for their swim instructor. Carlos felt comfortable in the class even though he didn’t know any of the other kids. The class was only two weeks but he went every day and progressed quickly. They didn’t use any kind of flotation devices and the goal was for each child to swim from the deep end to the shallow end on their own. While Carlos didn’t achieve that goal he did feel much more at ease in the water and he has been excited about taking the lessons again this summer.

Orlando took Carlos to family swim night every other Friday while I was sleeping before work. While on vacation in Mozambique this winter I was shocked to find Carlos swimming on his own in the deep end of the pool at our hotel. Orlando was not too far away, but they had kept it a surprise that Carlos could now do the doggy paddle on his own. I was so proud of him.

In the deep end

Carlos attended day camp at the YMCA during April vacation. He loved it. They did swimming lessons first thing and then had activities all day. After that week I signed him up for a seven week session of swimming lessons at the Y.

The class started four weeks ago. He did great at the first class. At least I thought he did until he got out of the pool at the end of class with huge tears streaming down his wet face. He was so upset and he couldn’t seem to explain why. First Carlos said it was because the lifeguard “yelled at him.” Well that’s not quite what happened. The lifeguard reacted swiftly when Carlos let go of the wall, but when he saw that Carlos was fine he gently scolded him. The lifeguard even came over after to see if he had upset Carlos.

Then Carlos told me that he didn’t like the teacher because he was big and has tattoos. Apparently Daddy made some offhanded comment about people with tattoos being bad when four year old Carlos remarked that he wanted one. Suffice it to say that Carlos’ favorite person in the entire world just happens to have a tattoo that he is well aware of and he adores me her. Orlando and I had a little chat about that!

Carlos was anxious about the class all week. At the second class he refused to go in the water at first and would only sit on my lap. Finally the Aquatics Director, a very sweet woman, offered to take Carlos in herself. He finally went in and participated in the remnants of class with intermittent tears in his eyes.

Before the third class Carlos decided that we needed to talk. Here’s how that conversation went:

C: “Mom do I have to go back to that swim class?”

Me: “Yes.”

C: “Well I don’t think that I will.”

Me: “Why not?”

C: “I just don’t want to OK.”

Me: “Carlos please tell me what it is that you don’t like about it.”

C: “Mom how about you just sign me out of the class OK. I think that’s a good idea.”

I was left speechless. “Sign me out”…Where does this child get this stuff? I called the YMCA to talk to the Aquatics Director, but she was unavailable. I was considering switching Carlos to another class with one of his close friends which I found later was full. Herein lies my dilemma. My head was swirling in three different directions. I didn’t want to allow Carlos to simply quit the class. I was hesitant to “fix” things by switching him into the other class. I also hated to see my child so anxious about something like swimming lessons.

I allowed him to skip the third lesson because he was so worked up over going. I figured that it would give me time to think about how to handle the situation.

On Monday and Wednesday this week I took Carlos to open swim at the Y. We went with his friend. They had a great time and he swam great. This morning I mentioned that swim class was soon and all hell broke loose. His story today is that none of his friends are in his class and he doesn’t like that. I tried briefly to explain that his friends are in classes with kids they don’t know, but they still go. I offered him a pony ice cream. I made threats up stories about him not being able to go swimming all summer if he didn’t go in the pool. He finally put his bathing suit on crying all the while. He clung to me as we entered the pool area and wouldn’t let go until I agreed that he could just sit and watch. Only one mom was nice enough to sympathize with me. It was probably just my imagination but I could feel the other moms judgmental glares burning into my back.

At the end of the class we approached the instructor and explained that we wouldn’t be coming back. I commended him for the wonderful job that he is doing with the kids. Carlos was beaming with relief as he said goodbye. He is my happy, agreeable toddler right now. I am left torn in pieces by my decision to ultimately allow him to quit.

I have tried to tell myself that in the grand scheme of life this is not a fight worth fighting. Carlos loves to swim and he is comfortable swimming on his own without a bubble. He is excited to go back to the swimming lessons here in town given by our neighbor. The anxiety was never about fear of the water. I truly believe that it was just a bad fit and while many times in life you have to play the hand you’re dealt there are times that life is a little more flexible.