Category: Sleep

Seasons Change

I write daily blog posts in my head. I am often sorry I missed the boat on becoming a professional blogger. I don’t think pursuing that now would be all that sustainable or financially lucrative for me.

Fall is nearing its end. It’s my favorite season. Yet for much of it this year we enjoyed unseasonably warm weather. I’m not complaining, but now we seem to be entering winter weather a bit prematurely.

Since my last post my life looks like this:

  • Wake up at 3:30/3:40AM, go to the gym to be home by 5:15 when Orlando has to leave for work. I have been participating in a Step Bet challenge so I use this morning gym time to get my steps in on the elliptical while reading my school assignments. It’s been a super productive hour or so.
  • Get ready for the day, pack Carlos’ lunch, make Carlos’ breakfast, prep patient visits or other work tasks.
  • 7:35 stop at Cumberland Farms for much needed giant coffee. I’m not a coffee snob and for 99 cents you can’t beat it. It stays super hot in my stainless steel travel mug for a good two hours.
  • Bring Carlos to school for 8AM.
  • Usually I see one to two patients starting at 9AM.
  • Home by 11/11:30AM. Eat something. Do some laundry.
  • Noon – 3PM paperwork
  • Some days I will take a break for a 30 minute – 1 hour run
  • 3:15PM pick up Carlos
  • The afternoon varies depending on Carlos’ activities. I typically do not plan on any work productivity between 3-6PM. I make work phone calls, cook dinner, and do some things around the house. It’s not a time I can use to do any focused work.
  • Most nights between 6-7PM, I head to the Mount Holyoke College library to tackle school work.
  • I have been committed to getting to bed by 11PM most nights. Some nights I actually make it earlier.

Then I repeat it all the next day. On October 1st, I began a new role at work as a Clinical Liaison for my team. So far I’m not so sure it was a great decision. Although my caseload is being lowered a bit, it has not had an impact on the amount of work in the present because the patients I have given up were not due to be seen for a month or two. I have the same amount of patients to see right now with the added responsibilities of this new position. I will be training new RNs on our team eventually, and I have already started leading WebEx trainings for new nurses across the state.

Work has been stressful for another reason. Last December my boss was let go. A nurse on my team took her place. She’s wonderful, supportive, approachable, and really reasonable. Our team is made up of two sections of Massachusetts. I work on the Western Mass portion of the team which is small in comparison to the Worcester portion. In the spring a nurse from my area became our supervisor. There was never a clear understanding of her role yet it became quickly evident that she was essentially managing the Western Mass staff. She’s the complete opposite of our manager. She is cold, unapproachable, task oriented, inflexible, and demanding. It has placed an unbelievable amount of stress amongst our group. One of my colleagues has taken the brunt of her wrath. The worst part is that her behavior is totally unnecessary and it is going to drive some great staff out of the job which will mean nothing to her, but will increase the work demands for those of us remaining.

I decided to return to grad school at the end of August. I had two more core courses to complete before I can begin the actual program specific classes. I was dreading these two courses – Nursing Research and Evidence-Based Practice. My fears were quickly realized. Each course is 8 weeks. I did get an A in Nursing Research, but I work my tail off to earn that grade. Not only was the course demanding and pushed me so far outside of my comfort zone, but the professor was absolutely no nonsense. I turned in a paper 37 minutes late and lost 20% on the grade. It was my own fault. I owned it and I didn’t offer any excuses. She was completely unforgiving and made a comment on my next paper to “watch those late assignments” as though I turned them all in late. It was just the one!

These courses I am taking are all online and follow a very similar structure. The course begins on a Monday. We have a discussion post due on Wednesday night by 11:55PM Eastern time. Between Thursday to Saturday we are expected to respond to two of our peers for a minimum participation grade, but if we are Type A overachievers and want the full participation grade then 4-5 responses are needed. The discussion post and responses are not a short blurb. Research is required and we must include references. For both the research class there were two extensive papers due midterm and at the end. We also had an actual midterm and final exam, timed online. The evidence-based practice class I am taking now also requires two larger projects, one of which is due tomorrow night by 11:55PM. I am nowhere near done, completely lost, writing myself in circles, and frustrated. Will it get done? Yes. Will it get done well? I’m not so sure on this one. It is like nothing I’ve ever done and I honestly don’t know if I am on the right track with it. This course ends on 12/15 and I am counting the days.

I ran the Zooma Half Marathon in Falmouth at the Cape in early October. I was there as a Zooma ambassador. I met some wonderful women and ran a lovely race with new friend Heidi. We chatted and chatted until I could see that she was picking up steam around mile 11 so we parted ways. My legs weren’t quite as perky at that point, but I was pleased with the race I ran nonetheless. I have no other races planned. I am not training for anything. I just run when I feel like it and for as long and as fast as I want. I am beginning to think about possible spring marathons.

Carlos, his best friend Tyler, and I did our annual Halloween spooky attraction. This time it was the Rails to the Dark Side haunted trolley and haunted trolley museum. The night was awesome!

Carlos and I are on a flight from Florida right now. He had Thursday and Friday off this week. I had a ton of time off to use before the end of the year. We also had Jet Blue vouchers to use before they expire. We planned a quick trip down south to visit my dad and sister. I used the opportunity to get some work done on my paper due tomorrow and to catch up on paperwork. Working in the sun by the pool made it much more bearable. The weather was gorgeous.

Time to land!!

9/3/14

Carlos and I had a pretty amazing summer. We spent tons of quality time together. There were lots of get togethers with friends. We were outdoors a lot. We talked and played. We also both read the first Harry Potter book. Carlos finished before me and kept trying to spoil the ending!!

However, I have been working a ridiculously insane schedule to cover holes in the schedule and my husband’s has had to work longer hours since August. Unlike summers before I simply couldn’t do it all and something had to give. I already mentioned that training for a race was nearly impossible and even my regular level of fitness was interrupted. I did the absolute best I could with what little free time I had. I started working out at home more and introduced new things to my workout routine like push ups, kettle bell swings and squats.

The other thing I did was put away my electronics as often as possible. I didn’t want Carlos on his electronics so I tried to set a better example. I admit it…I like love my iPhone and my iPad. This summer I barely blogged, took Facebook breaks for days at a time (I don’t have a huge presence there anyway) and essentially tried not to be attached to a device. I realize that time is of the essence with Carlos. He’s 7 now and still loves hanging around with me, but I know those days don’t last forever.

I really enjoyed the summer, but inside I felt very unbalanced and by the last week of school vacation I felt like I was burning the candle at both ends. I put a lot of effort into parenting this summer, but failed to nurture my marriage or myself. Even my house suffered a bit of neglect. I don’t even want to talk about sleep, or lack thereof. I know that some things need to change before next summer rolls around. I cherish my time with Carlos, but I need to find a better balance between work and home life.

On a positive note, I did learn to let go of a few of my hangups this summer. I learned to let some housework go in exchange for a morning walk or jog with Carlos. I let my list of “things to do” grow and grow if it meant meeting friends out at the park. I learned to tackle only the priorities. I think my mantra of this summer was “it will get done -eventually.”

I saw this video for the first time yesterday and thought it was a simple way of making a very important statement.

Free flow

Gosh I’m feeling all unbalanced today. Hormones? Change of season? Stuff swirling around my mind? Busy pace of life lately?

I allowed one bratty entitled patient last night to burrow under my skin.

Feeling really self conscious at the gym today especially since I keep losing my balance doing single leg barbell dead lifts for the first time.

Not sure if I’m doing the work I’m meant to be doing.

I just want to run in the cool crisp air and hear the crunch of the leaves under my feet. Tomorrow I will run.

I’m positive one of my arms is longer than the other.

I swear the girl at the front desk of my gym dislikes me because I’ve been going for years and she is always snotty to me no matter how polite and friendly I am to her.

I keep feeling like I want to cry. Ok it’s hormones!

Christmas is already stressing me out. I just want to hide for the holidays.

All sorts of negative body image thoughts on my mind. Wondering why my legs are still so big.

The leaves are so beautiful today. I love the fall. It’s my favorite season and probably the only reason I live in New England.

I love my fall wreath this year.

20131016-092956.jpg
I vow not to watch the biggest loser this season. The show upsets me anyway but especially this season because that American Idol contestant Ruben Studdard is on the show. I believe he has the financial resources and the support to lose weight on his own. I don’t believe the show is the best role model for weight-loss but it still helps people to lose weight. Someone else could really benefit from being a contestant on the show.

I seem to be the only person in my family who can put the laundry away.

My husband called me on his lunch break and made me feel little bit better.

Tonight is my last night of a 7 night stretch at work. It was self-induced. However, I’m glad it’s almost over.

I’ve been journaling my food on paper recently. Today I went back to MyFitnessPal. Want to see what I eat? Come find me there at mozaim.

I’m struggling with afternoon snacking. Those calories add up so quickly. I think I will always have to work against emotional eating. Today I will fight the urge.

4:52 pm- At last it is time for bed before work. Aside from a small apple I didn’t have anything else to eat this afternoon.

This post was written entirely by the talk to text feature on my phone. I spoke a sentence here and there throughout the day as things popped into my mind.

Crazy

Yesterday was a low key day. I prepared the house for a visit from my Dad who is visiting from Florida. I cleaned and then baked this delicious banana blackberry bread that I found on Foodbuzz. I saved two pieces to bring to my co-workers and my husband ate nearly half of it before I went to work last night. I must say it was tasty.

After a busy two nights off from work I returned last night to begin a seven nights in a row. I enjoyed a relaxing visit to the salon yesterday evening to “paint” my hair as Carlos likes to say. I’m trying so hard to grow my hair out to donate it to Locks of Love. I have always wanted to do this but I’ve never been successful at growing my hair long. You are required to donate 10 inches from tip to tip. We measured my hair last night and it is about 5.5 inches if I were to cut it just above my shoulders. I’m not sure how long it will take but I’m willing to keep growing it until I reach the 10 inches.

Work was good. We have been extremely busy lately and have maintained a full house for quite a while. I am so lucky to work with a great team. At night it is just myself, the charge nurse and a mental health associate. We all get along so well which makes the night even more enjoyable. Plus I bring them treats! They loved the banana blackberry bread.

All night I had a slightly unsettled stomach at the thought of doing my long run this morning while Carlos was at school. I even forgot to eat my usual banana and peanut butter toast. I had eaten a small bowl of cereal at work and too many graham crackers so I wasn’t too concerned. I grabbed some fruit leather and Welch’s fruit snacks for the run. I gathered up my gear: Garmin, iPod, headphones, and 3 water bottles. I dropped Carlos off and decided to just go for it…12 miles was the plan.

I felt so great during my first loop that I decided to do part of the loop again to make 5 miles before I hit the car for water and a snack. I completed the first 5 in just under 50 minutes. Then I started out for another 5 miles. I was a bit slower, but there were moments during this second loop where I felt phenomenal, like my legs could run forever. I completed 10.20 miles by the time I made it to the car for a second round of water and a snack.  I only had 1.80 miles to complete my goal. Piece of cake! I finished the 12 miles in just under two hours and five minutes. It was a great day for a run. The rain held off, the sun was out, there was enough of a breeze to mask the looming humidity, I was running at my favorite reservoir and I felt fabulous! I’ve come to know some of the grounds crew there by face and the man mowing the lawn gave me a friendly wave or a thumbs up each time I ran by. As I passed him for the last time I signaled that this was it, he chuckled and mouthed jokingly “you’re crazy.”

I am a little crazy. My days are chock full. I love being busy and active. I try to take advantage of each day to do something fun, active and outdoors with Carlos. For so long I made excuses to not be active. I couldn’t lose weight as a result. I feel so much better when I exercise and it undoubtedly helps me to lose weight and has helped me maintain any weight loss.  I find that doing “something” every day prevents me from losing momentum which makes me less likely to quit. Sometimes “something” is as simple as a walk to the library. So while most would agree that I should get more sleep, I am healthier and happy than I have ever been. I don’t advocate that anyone try to emulate my schedule. It works for me and my family. I do get sleep, probably more than it would seem.

Our day ended with a huge play date at the playground. We went with my Dad, his girlfriend and her two granddaughters and then met up with lots of kids from Carlos’ school and their parents. The kids had a blast and the grown ups were busy chit chatting about the rapidly approaching summer break. It was a great day!