Free flow

Gosh I’m feeling all unbalanced today. Hormones? Change of season? Stuff swirling around my mind? Busy pace of life lately?

I allowed one bratty entitled patient last night to burrow under my skin.

Feeling really self conscious at the gym today especially since I keep losing my balance doing single leg barbell dead lifts for the first time.

Not sure if I’m doing the work I’m meant to be doing.

I just want to run in the cool crisp air and hear the crunch of the leaves under my feet. Tomorrow I will run.

I’m positive one of my arms is longer than the other.

I swear the girl at the front desk of my gym dislikes me because I’ve been going for years and she is always snotty to me no matter how polite and friendly I am to her.

I keep feeling like I want to cry. Ok it’s hormones!

Christmas is already stressing me out. I just want to hide for the holidays.

All sorts of negative body image thoughts on my mind. Wondering why my legs are still so big.

The leaves are so beautiful today. I love the fall. It’s my favorite season and probably the only reason I live in New England.

I love my fall wreath this year.

I vow not to watch the biggest loser this season. The show upsets me anyway but especially this season because that American Idol contestant Ruben Studdard is on the show. I believe he has the financial resources and the support to lose weight on his own. I don’t believe the show is the best role model for weight-loss but it still helps people to lose weight. Someone else could really benefit from being a contestant on the show.

I seem to be the only person in my family who can put the laundry away.

My husband called me on his lunch break and made me feel little bit better.

Tonight is my last night of a 7 night stretch at work. It was self-induced. However, I’m glad it’s almost over.

I’ve been journaling my food on paper recently. Today I went back to MyFitnessPal. Want to see what I eat? Come find me there at mozaim.

I’m struggling with afternoon snacking. Those calories add up so quickly. I think I will always have to work against emotional eating. Today I will fight the urge.

4:52 pm- At last it is time for bed before work. Aside from a small apple I didn’t have anything else to eat this afternoon.

This post was written entirely by the talk to text feature on my phone. I spoke a sentence here and there throughout the day as things popped into my mind.

12 thoughts on “Free flow

  1. Aimee…I loved this post…not that you had so many frustrating, difficult things you were dealing with…but just the pure honesty of it. I think so many of us just always say “fine” when people ask how we are doing…it’s refreshing to be able to know what someone is really thinking…even if it is just random free flow like this.
    I think you are a great person and doing great things…things will undoubtably (sp??) look better soon.

  2. I love the way you did this post, with random thoughts through your day, good and bad. I have to agree with you that fall in New England is amazing, and that I also vow not to watch the Biggest Loser this season. Hope today is a good one for you 🙂

  3. Single leg barbell dead lifts sounds unbalancing. Maybe sigle arm barbell dead lifting would stretch out your shorter arm.
    Your wreath is very pretty. I love the Fall leaves, too. October is my favorite month!
    Fruits and veggies are “free” foods on WW. An apple is my favorite pre-run snack.
    I bet you’ll feel a lot better once you’ve had a day off and a good run!
    Remember that you are loved and appreciated by so many people, especially by the ones whose laundry you fold.
    I’ve always loved the quote about how once you make a decision about something, the universe conspires to make it happen.
    Trust the journey and stay alert for signs along the way.
    Free lowing is kind fun! 🙂

    • Deb, thank you for your comment. My shorter arm is so strange! I never noticed it until I started weight training. It’s a silly thing to focus on, and it makes me chuckle.

      I love this “trust the journey and stay alert for signs along the way.”

  4. Hi Aimee, I have days like that–yesterday would be one of them! I’m never exactly pleased with my figure and my fitness level. I’ve let too many people burrow under my skin lately. I could have the house cleaner! I also wonder if I should have a different job, but I’m not even certain if I could get a different job I liked. I ate some foods that I should not have eaten yesterday. I’m POSITIVE that certain people don’t like me at the gym, but there are so many people who do like me that I’m okay with that. You’re okay, in the best sense of the word. 😀

    • It’s interesting how much of my emotions is tied to my weight, the number on the scale and how I look to myself in the mirror. I’m in a strange emotional place right now. I’d like to write about it, but it’s a bit jumbled in my head. I’m pulling out all the tools right now. This too shall pass and I’ll come out healthier and happier on the other end, but in the meantime I am also trying to allow myself to really feel what I am feeling so I can understand how to change it. This period of self-reflection is necessary right now, but it also makes me very vulnerable. I know you understand Marion.

  5. What a fun post! I love the free flow of ideas, hence the name, I guess.

    I’ve felt like you do about what you’re meant to be doing many, many times. But those are just the bad days that come along with such a demanding job. You are absolutely doing what you are meant to, at least for now. And the nice thing is, you can go run and crunch those leaves anytime you’d like and it will help you de-stress. 🙂

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