I’m happy today. This morning I came home with a huge smile on my face. I finished a 7 night in a row stretch at work.  That would be horrible if I didn’t love my job so much, really it’s the people I work with that I love so much. I have a fun day planned. Right now I am in one of my favorite towns, home of UMass. I just got my hair colored and cut along with an eyebrow wax by my favorite hair dresser who recently started at a new salon here.

New Do

Sorry for the photo booth pic. I was just having a little fun.

I’m meeting one of my favorite friends for lunch. My favorite (and only) son is having the time of his life at activity camp at the YMCA this week. This afternoon Carlos and I have a play date at the playground with an old friend from high school and her son. Tonight I will at last have some alone time with my favorite (and only) husband.

This week has been a great running week to. I feel like I’m back in training mode and I’m loving it. On Saturday I ran 8 miles. I actually took Sunday off because we had a full day of Easter egg painting. I combined Sunday and Monday’s workouts into one on Monday morning. The day was gorgeous so I did some speed training indoor at the gym on the treadmill followed by a 30 minute strength training session and then I hit the trail at the college for a speedy 3 mile run. It wasn’t my speediest ever, but I pushed hard and finished three miles in about 28:40. I did little speed work over the winter and I definitely notice that I’ve lost some momentum. I have a post in the works about my thoughts on the speed issue so I won’t say much more except to say that I measure my speed against myself and myself alone. I aim to improve my own time. Tuesday was a zippy 4 miler around my neighborhood. I fit it in after work and before bringing to Carlos to camp at 9am so I could take advantage of the gray, rainy day to actually sleep. Wednesday was an impromptu hill workout on the treadmill. I totally wasn’t feeling a run, but then decided to spice it up with some hill work and I absolutely loved it. I was dripping with sweat. I only did 20 minutes but it flew by. I ran up hill at a 5 mph speed and then decreased the incline to a 2 or 3 for a minute or two at a 6 mph speed. I got all the way up to a 10 incline. I followed that up with 30 minutes of strength training.

I haven’t decided if I will do my scheduled 5 mile run today. I am not sure that I want to “mess” up my new do! I have to tell myself that once in a while it is ok to veer off my plan and take a break. There is always tomorrow.

My new training plan called for an 8 mile run this morning. I went straight to the reservoir after work. There was a nip in the air, but the sun was just starting to peak through the clouds. I set out on the trail and I knew from the get go that I was going to have a good run. And then I was greeted with this view.

View on a morning run

I wish I could have captured the ducks that were peacefully gliding by on the misty morning water. There are also some beautiful birds that I’ve spotted around this area. I often see people out walking the trails with binoculars for bird watching.

It didn’t get much warmer but the air was calm. My breathing was steady. I pushed myself to go faster up the rolling hills while I coasted on the down hill. I allowed the beat of the music to determine my pace.  I have an affinity for fast techno/dance music while running because it really pumps me up and makes me move faster.

I am not quite sure when I morphed from the girl who “can’t” run to the girl who runs 8 miles on a random Saturday morning and likes it! I never once felt daunted by the number of miles. I enjoyed the time to myself. It was a nice way to unwind after working all night. It’s great getting my run or workout done as early as possible so that I can enjoy the day.

The rest of the day was super busy. Carlos had art class. We had a play date planned afterwards for the Carousel. While at the carousel my friend and I stumbled on a flyer for a Birds of Prey exhibit taking place in the neighboring visitor’s center so we walked over after a few rides on the carousel, lunch, and popcorn. The Birds of Prey exhibit was a pleasant surprise. We received a brief education on local birds of prey and then the man doing the presentation brought out a great horned owl, a falcon, a golden eagle, a kestrel and a baby owl. The kids were able to pet the birds and loved it. I found it very interesting.

Time for bed and then back to work. It may seem odd that I work nights, but I love being able to spend the majority of my day with Carlos. It is almost 4pm and he will be in bed before 7pm so I only miss a few hours of his day. Before I leave for work I tuck him in and give him hugs and kisses.

I almost dismissed this yesterday at Costco.

Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce

Then I turned the gigantic carriage around to have a closer look. All natural, gluten free…hmmm tell me more.

Ingredients List

Not too bad. This big bottle cost under $8. The recipe wheels in my head were already turning. I knew that I had some tofu that needed to be cooked. I had just bought a bunch of asparagus. Coconut rice immediately popped into my thoughts.

I had some light coconut milk on hand and I used that to cook some brown rice. I sprinkled a teaspoon of cinnamon into the mix towards the end. It smelled divine while it was cooking.

I lightly coated the tofu in the Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce and baked it in the oven for about 20 minutes on each side. While that was cooking I chopped onions, my last carrot, asparagus and two plum tomatoes. I sauteed the onions and carrot in a tablespoon of coconut oil then threw in the asparagus for a few minutes before adding the tomato. Once all the veggies were cooking away I put about 3 tablespoons of the Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce into the pan along with the tofu.

Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Tofu Stir Fry

The Pineapple Coconut Mango Tequila Sauce is heavenly. It is lightly sweet with a kick of mild heat. I served the stir fry over the coconut rice alongside fresh pineapple. Delicious and refreshing!

Today was absolutely gorgeous. I ran 5 miles this morning. I just did a loop around town so it wasn’t the most scenic route, but the nice weather more than made up for that.

Carlos was outside all day except for a midday nap. I was in and out. Inside I was cooking and running up and down to tackle Mt. Laundry which erupted overnight.

Outside I played basketball with Carlos, explored the backyard, took out the trash, and sat on the back deck stairs chatting away with my favorite person. While picking up the backyard toys, Carlos and I discovered this adorable little bug. I have never seen anything like it. Check out the heart on its back.

Love Bug

It was a glorious day.

Yesterday was an active day.  After working all night I completed a 4 mile run per my new training plan. I forgot my Garmin but I think I averaged about a 10 minute mile. I got out of work at 7am and was home before 8:30.

It’s no secret if you’ve read any of my posts that I have a four year old son, and if you know that you might be wondering where the heck he is while I’m running or at the gym after work. Since my husband leaves around 6am for work we always need to have a babysitter from that time until when I get home around 7:10am. I have been very fortunate to have my brother-in-law staying with us for a few months. On the days that Carlos is not in school he graciously babysits in the morning after Orlando leaves for work which allows me the luxury of going for a run or to the gym. Otherwise I sneak in my workout while Carlos is at preschool on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

When I got home from my run I declared it a spring cleaning day. Carlos, my brother-in-law and I cleaned away for about 3 hours. We cranked the music up, sang and danced as we cleaned every nook and cranny of the downstairs.

As I was just about to take a shower I got a text from a work friend inviting me to a local Zumba class two minutes from my house at 6pm. I loooovvvveeee Zumba! I stayed nasty for the rest of the day and went to Zumba. It was so much fun.

I showered as soon as I got home and went to bed not long after. What a day. I ate great all day. I didn’t even have an evening snack. I really do love being active. I am looking forward to many more Zumba classes and I’m excited about my new training plan. Off to pick up the little guy from school.

When life gives you S*^# …sometimes you have to call a plumber. Sunday started out to be such a great day. I lounged in bed until 7:45 which hasn’t happened since probably 2006. I am not even exaggerating. My husband left to do a job. He’s a mason and often does small jobs on the weekend. Carlos and I had breakfast and then decided that it was a perfect day for a hike.

We headed to a smaller local mountain. Carlos has really taken to hiking. This mountain has a road for cars but he insisted we hike the trail and off he charged. It might be smaller but the hike up the trail was steep. Carlos led the way.

Leading the way

He never complained and only stopped twice for a “catch your breath” break.

Quick Break

At the top is an observatory tower which we climbed twice. Last year Carlos couldn’t see over the wall at the top of the tower and now he can albeit on his tip toes.

Observatory Deck

We went down the same way we came up. I was beaming with pride when my 4 year old turned to high five me as we approached the car and said, “that was an awesome hike mom!” I couldn’t have said it better.

Just a couple more photos from our hike because it was such a gorgeous day.

View of the Connecticut River

View of Western Massachusetts

We took a quick trip to Trader Joe’s for a few goodies. Then we went home for lunch. Carlos played outside while I got lunch ready. His swing set is finally up in the backyard and his basketball hoop is assembled both of which were birthday gifts back in wintry December. So he was having a great time.

After lunch Carlos willingly settled in for a nap. I threw in a load of laundry just before going upstairs. When I came back down about 10 minutes later I heard what sounded like a cascading waterfall coming from the basement. I ran down to find our utility sink overflowing with mucky water.

I threw some buckets underneath to try to catch some of the water, stopped the washing machine, called my husband and shut off the water valve. Long story short my husband and a friend tried to snake the pipes to no avail so the town and a plumber both came to the house. Of course it is not a town sewer issue. Our home was built in the 1920s. The pipes are old and there are roots encroaching on the pipes causing blockages from time to time.

The whole house permeated with eau de crap. Carlos and I went to my mother’s house so I could shower just in case things weren’t resolved because I had to go to work later.

By 7 pm the basement smelled fresh and clean.  I smelled fresh and clean. I had dinner made. Carlos was ready for bed. My wallet was a couple hundred lighter (plumbers cost a lot more on Sundays). It was as if it had all been a dream…a bad one!

Actually my husband and I tend to weather these types of issues very well together. The day didn’t go as either of us had planned but when we said goodnight as I left for work we also thanked each other. Our lives our busy both separately and as a family. Because of our opposite work schedules we are like ships passing in the night sometimes. This September, Orlando and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We have been married twice on two different continents and I would say “I do” again in a heartbeat.

I have been thinking a lot about what it means to feel hungry. I am not sure if I know that feeling. I try to stay on top of my hunger with healthy snacks so I am not tempted to over eat. I definitely know what it feels like to be stuffed or full. I used to feel that way all the time. In the last year I have used different strategies to avoid over eating. Now I absolutely hate that stuffed feeling and I try to avoid it, but every once in a while it happens.

Today I am going to pay close attention to my hunger cues. I am going to really listen to my body. This isn’t about starving myself or depriving myself of food. It’s about getting in touch with what my body is asking for as opposed to what I think it should have.

I worked last night and went straight to the gym after work. I did 60 minutes on the arc trainer and a brief 10 minute lower body strength training work out. I got home around 9. For breakfast I had:

• 1 cup of plain nonfat yogurt
• 1/3 cup of pumpkin
• 1 small banana
• 1 tbsp ground flax
• 1 tbsp all natural peanut butter
• 1 tsp chia seeds
• 1 tbsp craisins

I felt very satisfied after eating breakfast. In fact it is noon and I am still feeling satisfied. What prompted this post is that I just made my son’s lunch. As I was making his grilled cheese I almost tore off half a slice of cheese for me. Then I stopped and was instantly aware of how my stomach was feeling. I wasn’t hungry at all. Just taking that second to think made me realize that I definitely didn’t want a piece of cheese or anything else for that matter.

I know that my grazing typically starts when I am preparing Carlos’ lunch and it can last throughout the afternoon although it has improved greatly in recent months. I usually eat breakfast a little later than my son most days, but often eat lunch at the same time or as I just mentioned, start snacking. I doubt that I am even hungry most of the time.

I’ve seen a lot written lately about intuitive eating. I am finding that my weight loss journey is as much about losing actual pounds as it is about learning when and why I eat what I eat. I didn’t become overweight over night. I developed unhealthy habits over time and now I am trying to not only break bad habits but also develop new healthy habits that will stay with me for the rest of my life. I think that this mentality is integral to weight loss and maintenance.

My son is finished with his grilled cheese, banana and Triscuits and I have not had one nibble. I will be updating this post throughout the day to document my progress.

1:10pm – I just put Carlos down for a nap. I feel like a small lunch so I am having a small bowl of minestrone soup that I made the other day.

1:50 – Dang the soup was good but I felt a little munchy after that. I just had about 10 Triscuits and a piece of cheddar cheese. I am done for a while. I feel good, not stuffed.

2:15 – 4 mini meringue cookies just because I wanted something sweet

3:30 – We are leaving in 5 minutes to go see Hop. After the meringues I went upstairs to shower and get ready. I came down at 3:15 and immediately looked in the cabinet. I am not hungry. I think I did that merely out of habit. Instead of acting on instinct I grabbed the vacuum and vacuumed the front porch, washed the front and back storm door windows and cleaned the sink. And now it is time to go! I feel good about not grabbing a mindless snack. Now if I can just withstand movie snacks.  I’ll be back to let you know.

9:00pm – We went to see Hop this afternoon and while my eating habits have certainly changed I could not resist the temptation of popcorn. I got Carlos popcorn without the addition of more butter. Fortunately he doesn’t know the difference. I helped myself to about 3 handfuls and then he told me that it was his! My friend also made little snack bags for the kids with pretzels, gold fish and M&Ms.  Since Carlos was so engrossed in his popcorn I picked out the M&Ms. There were only about 20.

I made homemade pizza for dinner with sauce, light cheese, peppers and onions. I had 3 slices which was less than half of the pizza. The slices were not very big. That was it for the day. I went to bed early since I had worked the night before.

Thoughts: I definitely don’t always think before I eat. I do eat sometimes when I’m not hungry.  In the past I would have had my own popcorn at the movies and I probably would have eaten much more pizza. I have a long way to go, but there have been many positive changes and for that I will give myself some credit.

I have been thinking about rejoining WW for a couple of months now.  I have been maintaining my weight since last year and I would love to get back into losing mode again. I know from experience that I achieve greater success when I document my food.

I have had reservations about paying for a WW membership.  It’s not exactly in the budget right now, though I could fit it in if I really wanted to. I have talked about ditching the scale last spring.  Well I haven’t weighed myself since.  It has been very liberating not to be controlled by the numbers on the scale and I don’t think that I want to return to weekly weigh ins.

I know approximately where I am at by the fit and feel of my clothing. I know that I haven’t gained weight.  I have actually lost a little bit in recent weeks and I would like to continue losing.

I have also been considering a return to Spark People. Oddly enough my inbox had three emails from them this morning which, of course, I took as a sign.  I have used Spark People in the past with good results. I like learning the nutritional breakdown of what I eat. The website is full of valuable resources as well as a huge online community of support.

I feel like I need to be accountable for what goes into my body right now. I know that as a result I will begin to lose a little weight in the process. I am satisfied with my slow rate of weight loss over the last year. Instead of setting a weight goal I have set a size goal. By summer time, June or July, I would like to fit comfortably in a size 10 pair of pants. I am currently in a size 12 and they are beginning to feel a little loose.

I have tracked my breakfast, lunch and snack so far.  However, I have a pre-mother/son date this afternoon which involves ice cream.  I learned a little trick last summer to deal with the temptation of ice cream, one of my favorite treats.  If I am really dying for it then I order myself a kids size cup. If I can live with a few tastes then I “share” with Carlos (if he lets me!). I try to stick with a sorbet or FF frozen yogurt if available.  I enjoyed regular ice cream dates with Carlos last summer and never once felt deprived.

Our real mother/son date will take place tomorrow.  After pre-school we are going to see Hop and then out to lunch. This movie is particularly meaningful since Carlos’ favorite stuffed animal is a bunny and aptly named, “Bunny.” Carlos has had “Bunny” since Easter of 2007.  Bunny goes everywhere with us and sleeps with Carlos.

I now present “Bunny”…

Bunny en route to Mozambique 2009

Bunny heading to the Dominican Republic (2010)

It’s hard to see him in the above photo, but if you look closely you can just make out Bunny’s foot under Carlos’ arm.

Bunny makes it back to South Africa in 2011

Bunny hanging out after a bath in Mozambique (2011)

Bunny has also been to Florida, Kennebunkport, ME and various other shorter trips. OK I know, enough of Bunny.  The moral of the story is that if by chance I happen to have a second child I will banish any large stuffed animals from the house immediately!!  Oh and how do I know Bunny is a boy? Carlos tells us that he is his brother.  So there you have it.

Any childhood stuffed animal stories to share? I am so embarrassed proud to say that I carried a stuffed doll turned piece of cloth that I called “Booby!”

This was my first full weekend off in almost a month.  I had Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights off which was wonderful and much needed.

Thursday was a busy errands day.  I had to make a Costco run, return books to the library, and drop off a form to work.  We snuck in an hour at the playground.  The sun was shining but it was still cold.  Carlos didn’t mind though. I get him outside in some way, shape or form every day unless it is raining.

Thursday night I went out to dinner with two of my nursing school friends.  It’s hard to believe we graduated five years ago.  The time has gone by so quickly.  It was so nice to see the girls. We chit chatted the night away and enjoyed a nice Italian dinner. I had a pasta dish with salmon.  It was just ok.  I ate all of the salmon and left a little over half of the pasta to take home.  The star of dinner was the gorgonzola garlic bread.

Friday I went to the gym in the morning.  I really wasn’t feeling motivated at all, but I went and got in a decent hour long workout.  I picked Carlos up from school and we came home for lunch. We had a play date planned for the afternoon so he took a short nap.  Then we went to his friend’s house for some outside trampoline jumping.

Friday night I did something I haven’t done since nursing school.  Dork alert! We live just minutes from Mount Holyoke College.  They have one of the most gorgeous libraries. It is a joy just to sit in it.  I packed up my lap top and bill folder and headed out to the library at the college to get some work done.  I usually just settle down in bed with the lap top after Carlos goes to bed, but I fall asleep so easily.  I stopped at the little coffee shop inside and bought a small nonfat mocha au lait.  Brought me right back to my nursing school days! I spread out at a table and got to work.  I only had a couple of hours since the library closed at 10 pm but I was so productive in that time. I loved feeling just a little bit like a student again.

Saturday was another busy day and despite the cold I started it with a 3 mile run around my neighborhood.  Then I brought Carlos to art class in town.  I get to hang out in a coffee shop for the hour that he is in class which is such a treat for me. After art class it was home for Carlos’ lunch and to prepare a few things for the afternoon.  We had plans to go to be oldest and dearest friend’s house.  We grew up across the street from each other.  She is a nurse practitioner and truly one of the most intelligent people I know.  She has four boys that range in age from 15 to 4.  They are great kids. I made a spinach salad with blackberries, pear, cucumber, red onion and goat cheese with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing to bring along with the “green” cupcakes. An entire dozen cupcakes were demolished by everyone.  They loved them even when I told them the “secret” ingredient.  It was a really fun afternoon.

This morning I got up determined to make good on a promise.  After the half marathon last October I promised that I would do a double digit run once a month until I began training for another half marathon.  I have made good on that promise and with March coming to an end I knew that it was today or never.  I went to the reservoir and completed three loops around for 10.5 miles.  It felt great to run outdoors but it was still a little colder than I would have liked. The run was slow, but I pushed through.

Now I am just chillin’ with my little guy.  He is watching a Peanuts DVD and I am writing this.  We are going to eat dinner in a few and then I hope to rest a bit before work.

I know that I have mentioned this a few times in past posts, but my four year old son is an extremely picky eater.  I was a picky eater until I was 25 years old, but he is worse than I ever was.  He will not touch a vegetable with a ten foot pole.  He is practically vegetarian save for chicken nuggets (don’t judge, they are not McDonald’s) and the occasional turkey dog.  He will eat eggs but only the white of a hard boiled egg.  The typical fare for Carlos includes toast, grilled cheese, Cheerios, gold fish crackers, macaroni and cheese, yogurt, noodles with butter, cheese pizza light on the sauce, berries, apples and occasionally a banana.

I’m not sure when it happened or why.  My husband and I eat very nutritiously and our home is stocked with fruits, vegetables and healthy snacks including home baked goods.  Carlos is developing properly and is a very healthy weight and height for his age.

I refuse to give up on the plight to encourage Carlos to eat a wider variety of foods.  I will stop at nothing.This month we started keeping a calendar and he receives a star for every new food he tries each day.   The idea is that we will count up the stars at the end of the month and give him a penny for each star to put into his piggy bank.  Shhh he is only 4 and has no idea how much that really amounts to.  It’s a win win for both of us.  He gets money and I get the satisfaction of knowing that he has at least tasted foods that he has never tried before.

I am determined to sneak nutrition into both conversation and food whenever possible.  Carlos and I bake together and discuss things like why too much sugar is bad for your body, why vegetables are important and why the orange popcorn in my grandmother’s pantry is not “natural” like the air popped popcorn I make.

This week saw one huge success.  Carlos usually doesn’t eat anything that we bake together.  On Monday we made these muffins from Fannetastic Food.  I used zucchini instead of carrots because that’s what I had on hand.  I absolutely love the recipe for its simplicity, nutrition and flavor.  Carlos and I whipped up a batch in no time.  He actually helped grate the zucchini so he knew it was in there.  In a moment of madness I offered him 20 stars on his calendar to eat a muffin.  I honestly never thought that he would take me up on the offer.  Well he did!  He was outside playing and came in for a snack.  I said, “sure you can have a muffin.”  He walked over to the plate, grabbed one and proceeded to gobble up the entire muffin.  I stood there in shock and disbelief.  I checked his hands and his pockets.  It can’t be, I thought.  I asked him where the muffin went and he simply pointed to his belly then asked for his stars!

Certain that it was just a fluke and would never happen again I waited out an entire day before offering Carlos another zucchini muffin.  I didn’t even give him a whole one.  I split one with him and just left a half on his breakfast plate.  Again he ate it.  It is truly a miracle.

Tonight I decided that I needed to go undercover and make these from Roni’s Green Lite Bites while Carlos slept. Cupcakes with spinach surely that would be gross.  That’s right applesauce and spinach in lieu of oil and eggs.  I was skeptical, I admit it, but oh my goodness soft, moist, flavorful…unbelievable!  My husband and I each ate two because we just had to make sure you couldn’t taste the spinach.  The little guy is asleep so I will have to wait until the morning to see his reaction. The only hurdle could be their bright green color.  Otherwise you would never ever know that the cupcakes are chock full of such nutrition.  We’ll see what happens tomorrow when Carlos tries one.

I know with kids you have to learn to pick your battles, well this is one battle I am willing to keep fighting.

UPDATE: Carlos ate an entire cupcake this morning (neither of us could wait).  He didn’t even question the green color.  Mommy 2 – Carlos 1 (not that I’m keeping score!)

I often go to the gym straight from work which means I need to change into my workout clothes once I get there.  I just recently discovered that in the shower area of the girls locker room there are three changing stalls with a curtain you can close for privacy.  I must admit, I am still shy when it comes to getting changed in a public dressing room.

I know that it stems from my teenage years when getting changed for gym class was biweekly torture.  I was heavier than a lot of the girls in my class and extremely self conscious about my body.  Some girls pranced around like they were auditioning for a chance to live at the Playboy mansion.  The rest of us changed as quickly as possible using every trick in the book to remove as little clothing in the process of changing into our gym clothes.

I remember in eighth grade they made it mandatory for us to take a shower after gym class.  I would have preferred to smell like BO for the rest of the day. A bunch of pubescent girls bathing in less than private shower stalls…whose brilliant idea was that?.

Eighth grade also introduced swimming to our gym class curriculum.  I have always been a good swimmer and I love swimming.  However, I would have rather gouged my eyeballs out with an ice pick than (a.) change into a bathing suit in front of my female classmates and (b.) jump into a swimming pool in said bathing suit amongst not only the girls but the boys as well.  Seriously?  Needless to say I came up with my own coping mechanism…skip gym class. I found numerous ways to get out of swimming including pink eye, menstrual cramps, my period, just got a perm the day before and the list goes on.

The beauty was that the makeup classes simply involved swimming 20 laps after school; piece of cake for me. There was usually no one there but the swim team and they were too busy to pay any mind to me.  One day the swim team coach actually approached me and asked me to please consider trying out for the swim team.  To this day I could kick myself for passing up that opportunity.  I did not try out for the swim team because I was too embarrassed of my body.  If only I knew then what I know now.  This is what I would tell the fourteen year old me:

“Aimee do it.  You will make friends, good friends probably, and you will be doing something wonderful for your body.  You will likely lose weight naturally simply by exercising more often. You will also gain a new appreciation for your self image because you will see how strong your body is and what it is capable of.  Don’t worry about what anyone thinks.  They all have insecurities right now too.”

These days I have no problem changing my clothes in an open locker room if I have to.  I don’t have the same fears and insecurities just an awkward feeling at times. For instance there is one adorable elderly lady who loves to talk my ear off while I’m changing and she insists on making eye contact. So sometimes I do find myself heading to the curtained changing areas at my gym now.  It simply makes me more comfortable to change in private.

I’ve come a long way though.  The teenage me would have never even gone to the gym.  She certainly wouldn’t have run in public.  I know for a fact she would not have been caught dead on the beach in an actual bathing suit on her recent vacation. It has been a long process and slowly but surely I am learning to love the skin I’m in no matter what the number on the scale.