Angry Letter to Myself

I believe that the only way to make permanent changes in your life is to be brutally honest with yourself. We often look at others who complain about something they want to change in their life and we can instantly identify what they are doing to prevent themselves from making that change. However, it’s almost impossible to tell people the truth even though we all need to hear it once in a while. Since I’m unlikely to hear this from someone else I’m going to tell myself exactly what I need to hear right now.

Dear Aimee,

For years you have struggled with your weight. From your highest weight of 208 pounds (not pregnant)/223 (pregnant) to your lowest weight of 160 you have struggled. Weight loss has never come easy to you, nor will it. If it was easy to lose weight everyone would be thin. It’s hard work to lose weight. The funny thing is you’re no stranger to hard work. You’ve done lots of hard jobs and busted your ass to do a stellar job at whatever you do. You have worked as a waitress, a nurse’s aide, lifting boxes off of trucks as a receiver for Barnes & Noble and as a nurse on the medical floors. Those jobs were physically demanding yet you did them day in and day out without complaint.

Weight loss is challenging. You never back down from a challenge. You joined the Peace Corps and spent almost 4 years living in Mozambique. You decided to become a nurse in your early 30s and studied full time while working full time. You trained for and ran a freaking marathon. If that’s not challenging then I don’t know what is.

Weight loss requires sacrifice. Now you’re no stranger to sacrifice. Aren’t you the one who works nights so you can stay home with your son during the day? It’s ok to sacrifice sleep but not a few calories throughout the day so you can reach your weight loss goal.

You know exactly why you aren’t losing weight. You snack too much. You eat mindlessly particularly at work. You have been lazy about measuring out portions and you tend to overdo portion size. You have been using your exercise as an excuse to eat more. Life has been busy lately so eating has been done on the run. You haven’t been diligent about planning healthy meals and therefore meals aren’t always satisfying which leaves you going back for more later.

You have always said that your weight issues are a result of eating too much of the wrong food. You have now proved that you can deter weight loss by eating too much of the right food. Your food choices are overall very healthy, but you still need to monitor portions. For example nut butter is not to be enjoyed with a spoon. OK there I’ve said it. You know you do it. A taste here, a taste there. It adds up.

You’re almost 40 years old. You have changed your diet immensely from your days of not eating vegetables. You have committed yourself to daily physical activity. Thanks to the running your body has changed and toned. Your clothing fits better and you feel better about the way you look. You have done everything you have set your mind to except this one thing. Stop making excuses and do this! You have all the tools you need to accomplish this goal. Your weight does not define you, but you know that you will feel better, run faster, and be internally healthier once you lose this last 20 pounds.

No more excuses girl! You can do this.

Love,

Yourself – your biggest fan, your reality check, your truth teller

 

8 thoughts on “Angry Letter to Myself

  1. I love this Aimee! You’re definitely right that we all need to be brutally honest with ourselves if we really want a change. I know you can and will lose those last 20 lbs.

  2. Aimee…
    I know how disappointing it is when we KNOW what to do, but keep disappointing ourselves in the moments that make up our days. Oh how easy it is to SAY…this is what I need to do, how easy it is to IMAGINE every night how much better the next day will be, but then how DIFFICULT it really is when confronted with every meal, snack, food opportunity…especially when we are compromised by emotions, boredom, sleep deprivation, and thoughts of “it’s just not fair.” I’m not assuming I know how you feel, but just expressing how I feel.
    I too have struggled for SO long it seems. And I’m just tired of it all. And I’m hoping that I’m finally at the end of my rope. Frustrated enough to really make a change.
    I know like you said that portion control is key for me. BUT I also need to feel satisfied. I like a big meal. I like to feel like I can eat a lot. So I just need to realize what I can indulge in and stuff that although it is good for me, I still need to be mindful of portion size. I love my peanut butter too!! So hard to do one spoon worth!
    Like you said in your food journal post, failing to plan IS planning to fail.
    You have all the resources, so I know you will do this too. You have accomplished SO much and many times I am just so jealous! But then I have to realize that we are all on our own journeys and we must all focus on what is best for us. It’s so much better that we can actually support each other. I think I just always think that when someone else succeeds, it means I fail. But I need to remember that that’s not true!! I learn so much from you and your blog and all of the other blogs that I read…without them, I wouldn’t have half the healthy thoughts that are floating around in my head 🙂
    I guess this became quite wordy! Just needed to vent I guess.
    Thank you for a wonderful post!
    Kaye

  3. What a great post Aimee! You’re absolutely right – when you outline all of the hard work and sacrifices you’ve made, you can TOTALLY DO THIS! (Though I had to laugh about the nut butter comment…you’ve got a great sense of humor 🙂 )

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