I often go to the gym straight from work which means I need to change into my workout clothes once I get there.  I just recently discovered that in the shower area of the girls locker room there are three changing stalls with a curtain you can close for privacy.  I must admit, I am still shy when it comes to getting changed in a public dressing room.

I know that it stems from my teenage years when getting changed for gym class was biweekly torture.  I was heavier than a lot of the girls in my class and extremely self conscious about my body.  Some girls pranced around like they were auditioning for a chance to live at the Playboy mansion.  The rest of us changed as quickly as possible using every trick in the book to remove as little clothing in the process of changing into our gym clothes.

I remember in eighth grade they made it mandatory for us to take a shower after gym class.  I would have preferred to smell like BO for the rest of the day. A bunch of pubescent girls bathing in less than private shower stalls…whose brilliant idea was that?.

Eighth grade also introduced swimming to our gym class curriculum.  I have always been a good swimmer and I love swimming.  However, I would have rather gouged my eyeballs out with an ice pick than (a.) change into a bathing suit in front of my female classmates and (b.) jump into a swimming pool in said bathing suit amongst not only the girls but the boys as well.  Seriously?  Needless to say I came up with my own coping mechanism…skip gym class. I found numerous ways to get out of swimming including pink eye, menstrual cramps, my period, just got a perm the day before and the list goes on.

The beauty was that the makeup classes simply involved swimming 20 laps after school; piece of cake for me. There was usually no one there but the swim team and they were too busy to pay any mind to me.  One day the swim team coach actually approached me and asked me to please consider trying out for the swim team.  To this day I could kick myself for passing up that opportunity.  I did not try out for the swim team because I was too embarrassed of my body.  If only I knew then what I know now.  This is what I would tell the fourteen year old me:

“Aimee do it.  You will make friends, good friends probably, and you will be doing something wonderful for your body.  You will likely lose weight naturally simply by exercising more often. You will also gain a new appreciation for your self image because you will see how strong your body is and what it is capable of.  Don’t worry about what anyone thinks.  They all have insecurities right now too.”

These days I have no problem changing my clothes in an open locker room if I have to.  I don’t have the same fears and insecurities just an awkward feeling at times. For instance there is one adorable elderly lady who loves to talk my ear off while I’m changing and she insists on making eye contact. So sometimes I do find myself heading to the curtained changing areas at my gym now.  It simply makes me more comfortable to change in private.

I’ve come a long way though.  The teenage me would have never even gone to the gym.  She certainly wouldn’t have run in public.  I know for a fact she would not have been caught dead on the beach in an actual bathing suit on her recent vacation. It has been a long process and slowly but surely I am learning to love the skin I’m in no matter what the number on the scale.

Carlos and I have been talking about spring for weeks now.  We had a great, active winter, but we have just about had it now.  We want green grass, warmer weather and dry ground.  We want to see flowers and leaves and hear the birds again.  More importantly we want to get our hike on!  Last year Carlos started hiking with me.  We have some very kid friendly hiking spots in our area.  He also completed two nearby mountain hikes.  He loves it.

After work yesterday I went to the gym.  The gym has been there for me all winter but I am really tired of it now.  I could see the sun starting to shine outside.  I knew that the weather was supposed to be warmer than usual.  I wanted to do something outdoors with Carlos, but the playgrounds are still too wet to enjoy.  When I got home I asked him if he wanted to try hiking Skinner Mountain.  He started jumping up and down, he was so excited!  Weird right?

The trail was in rough condition and parts of it were closed so we settled on hiking up the paved road to the top.  Carlos was so disappointed.  Off we went and then suddenly we hit this:

Wintery Reminder

The road went from clear and dry to a snowy, icy mess.  It didn’t stop us though.  The road improved as we got higher.

Look Mom the trail is right there

The temperature actually got warmer too.  It turned out to be a perfect day for a hike.  Carlos had three layers on to begin and ended up with just a light long sleeved shirt by the time we got to the top.

Skinner Mountain Summit

Still Climbing

I love hiking mountains because you do all the hard work up front.  The hard work is rewarded with gorgeous views and an easy down hill return.  I have a goal of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro for my 50th birthday with Carlos.  My husband says he won’t do it, but I suspect once we get involved in the planning stage of the adventure he will likely join in.  I’ve got a while before that dream becomes a reality, but it’s fun to think about.

“All of our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them.” -Walt Disney

What do you dream of doing?

For much of my life I have been a half glass empty kind of a gal. I used words like no, not, can’t, won’t and never quite frequently.  Over the last ten years or so I have been gradually changing my tone.  I can’t run has turned into crap it’s raining out and I can’t run outside so I guess I’ll have to run on the treadmill at the gym.  I won’t ever be thin has turned into I will be healthy and achieve a healthy weight naturally.  I will never run a marathon has turned into:

Disney Marathon 2012 Registration

I have been anxiously awaiting March 15 for a few months now.  As soon as I crossed the finish line of the Hartford ING Half Marathon back in October I knew that I would pursue a full marathon.  I can’t imagine a more fun place than Disney World to experience my first marathon.  Carlos will be 5 years old which is a perfect age to explore Disney so we are incorporating a family vacation into the plan.

My friend and her husband are also participating in the running events.  She is running the 5K and he is doing the Half Marathon. My friend just had foot surgery over the summer and like me never considered running.  She is half way into the Couch to 5K program. I’m so excited for her.  We are planning to run a 5K together in the spring.

I don’t expect to start really training for the marathon until this summer.  My cousin, Jenna, has run many marathons and now coaches for Team in Training Ft. Lauderdale.  She has already offered me numerous tips but I am expecting to work with her a bit on developing a training calendar.  I am hoping to do a couple of half marathons this year and a few shorter races.

I thrive on goals.  This is quite a lofty goal.  But I will accomplish it.  I know that I can…one step at a time, literally.  My cup is no longer half full and it never will be again!

Disney 2012 here I come!!!

What day is it today?  I have been working a lot of overtime lately.  I work 32 hours which is considered full time.  Sometimes we have patients who require someone to be within arms length of them at all times for safety reasons.  Additional staff is needed and on the overnight shift it is often difficult to find people to work so I try to fill in when I can.  The extra money is always welcome, but the days do begin to roll into one another as though I’ve been living one long perpetual day.

I worked last night.  I got home, brought Carlos to school, returned home and quickly changed into running clothes.  The sky was overcast and the temperature chilly.  I didn’t care.  I just wanted to run outdoors.  I’m really getting tired of the gym.  I put on my Garmin and hit the road.  I had no plan.  Sometimes I like it that way.  I just ran and let my feet decide the route.  I ended up running 7 miles.  It wasn’t my fastest run but it was a consistent run. and I felt great.

In other news we have decided to participate in a CSA this year.  I am really excited about this.  We have talked about it for the last year or so.  Western Massachusetts has a number of CSA options.  I am still researching them but I think any one of them would be terrific.

The first 5K I ran in 2009 supported The Kestrel Trust, an organization dedicated to preserving farm land, forests, rivers and mountains in 9 Connecticut River Valley towns in Western Massachusetts.  Running the race and learning more about the efforts of The Kestrel Trust really brought about a new appreciation for the local natural treasures we have right in our backyard. Carlos and I are already planning our hikes for the spring.

I have to get ready for work now.  I am looking forward to a night off and a big announcement in a day or two.  See you then!

Tonight is daylight savings time.  Time to spring ahead.  I’m working tonight so that means that I only have to work for 7 hours instead of 8. Daylight savings time also means that tomorrow night when I try to put Carlos to bed at 6:30 he will tell me that it is not bedtime because it is still light out.  Grrrrr!  Whoever made up this daylight savings business clearly did not have small children with early bed times.

Yesterday I picked up our taxes from the accountant.  I used to do my own taxes because I thought that I was intelligent enough to follow Turbo Tax. Unfortunately tax talk is like speaking a different language, one I am not fluent in.  I’m barely proficient. We got audited one year and then the next and then the next.  The IRS didn’t get much out of us but they certainly managed to find a mistake every year for a few years thereafter. We finally hired an accountant to do our taxes.  For the past two years we have been audit free.

Now I’m not exactly finance savvy but I am always trying to learn more and improve our financial situation.  We are great savers.  I think we do well with our money overall, but I always feel like we could do better. We have an appointment a financial consultant on Tuesday.  It never hurts to talk.  I usually learn something.  I’m not easily swayed into trying new “products,” but I often find it easier to understand the many options out there when I am talking to someone face to face.

Last year we researched other car insurance policies and were able to decrease our auto insurance considerably.  We received an additional discount by switching our home owners insurance to the same company.

There are so many things to think about today that my parents didn’t seem to worry about.  Many employers no longer offer retirement options.  My job does not so I have to make sure that I am provided for later in life.  We started contributing to our own IRAs a few years ago. Considering I haven’t paid off my student loans yet and I went to a state school, I can only imagine how much college will cost when it is time for my son to go.  We opened a 529 Education Savings Plan for him. We do not pay interest on our credit cards.  We use mostly Discover to accrue the cash back rewards but pay off the balance each month.

I would like to think that Suze Orman would be proud of us.  However, if your reading this Suze I would love for you to have a look at our finances and tell us what you really think!

I decided to recap 2010 in a series of posts which I began in the last post. I want this year to be equally as positive, healthy and productive as last year.  As this winter wears on, I find myself trying to find some structure in relation to my eating, exercise and personal goals.  I want to remind myself of all the positive changes I made in my life last year in hopes of continuing along that path and adding new healthy changes and challenges this year.

In the first Tools post I talked about ditching the scale.  Although I am contemplating a return to the Weight Watchers program I will probably not attend meetings.  My aunt has all of the new WW plus materials that I can use to follow the program on my own.  I will use my clothing, how it feels and fits, to set goals.  I am currently in a size 12 pants/jeans.  I would absolutely love to wear a size 10 by early summer.

I have always been a fairly active person but I never realized my full potential.  I worked out because I felt I had to and because I was always trying to lose weight.  Last year I decided to embrace exercise and learn to love it both for me and my son.  I don’t want to be the mom that is lagging behind.  I want to be right along side of him doing whatever activity he’s doing.

In 2009 I ran my first 5K.  As I crossed the finish line I knew I would run another race.  I kept running outdoors whenever possible in early 2010.  At some point in the spring I kicked it into full gear and started running a few times a week or as often as possible and then eventually decided to train for a half marathon.  To read more about my running “story” please visit this post.

I began to crave running because I loved being outdoors.  I sought scenic running trails.  I looked forward to longer runs because it was more time just for me.  I used the time to think, rock out to my iPod and also to set new activity goals.  It was a hot summer and I took advantage of it by swimming as much as possible at my Mom’s or at my favorite nearby lake.  My son and I also took walks and hikes on local trails.

On top of Skinner Mountain

I was no longer working out solely to lose weight.  I loved the way I felt after being active. By pushing myself and reaching little goals I actually inspired myself to continue running and exercising.  When I did the dorky fist pump as I crossed the finish line of the Hartford ING Half Marathon in October it was seriously one of my proudest moments. (Wow my eyes just welled up with tears.  Yes I really am a dork!).

I am looking forward to finally putting together my 2011 race schedule.  I can’t wait to start hiking again.  Lake Wyola is already calling our name.  I am also excited to add some new activities like biking.

Last year marked some big changes in my life. 2010 was one of my best years yet. It wasn’t by chance though. I made a conscious decision to make it a healthier, happier and more active year. Something clicked over the last year for the first time in my lifelong struggle with weight loss and body image issues. The shift came in large part from reading healthy living blogs as well as learning to trust myself and my judgment. I began to take a holistic approach to living a healthy life rather than focusing on weight loss solely. I realized that I have all the tools I need to be successful; I just needed to begin using them.

One of the first changes I made was ditching the scale.  That was about 10 months ago. I still have no idea how much I weigh. I know that I’ve lost some weight because I went down a size since last year. I have maintained that loss but haven’t lost anymore since.  It has been liberating not relying on the scale to gauge my progress. I have been working on creating a new relationship with my body. I no longer see myself as a number. I would be lying, though, if I said that I love my body and never wish it to be different. I still struggle with these emotions but I am more comfortable in my skin than I have ever been.

My photos from this year actually include photos of me and not all above the waist photos either!  I always hide behind the camera so I don’t have to be in the photos.  It made me sad though to think that my son might want to have certain memories captured on film.  On our recent vacation I made an effort to get in more photos.  My sister sent me some adorable dresses to bring with me.  I promised to take photos to show her the dresses on me.  I must preface the below photo by telling you that it was easily 98 degrees in the shade.  My face had a constant shine “glow!”  The sweltering heat might account for the serious face too!!

Striking a pose

I admit that it’s still difficult to see photos of myself, but I have come a long way.

More posts to come on my healthy living changes in 2010…

First I would like to report that my day of rest yesterday was so worth it.  I woke up today feeling great.  I took advantage of a free hour this morning and went for a 6 mile run outdoors.  It was only 20 degrees out but it just felt fantastic to be running outside again.  I set out without a mileage goal.  I figured I would do my easy 3 mile loop but I felt so good I decided to just keep going.  I have to remind myself that taking a day off should not be perceived as a set back.  Rest is necessary and important.  I need to continue to trust the cues that my body sends me.

I have seen this floating around the blog world so I thought, “hey why not!”

A. Age: 37

B. Bed size: Queen size bed for my husband and I.  We have never even contemplated getting a King.

C. Chore you dislike: Cleaning the bathroom

D. Dogs: None.  No pets actually.

E. Essential start to your day: A big hug for my son.

F. Favorite color: I don’t really have a favorite color.  I prefer earthy tones.  If I had to choose I would probably say green.

G. Gold or silver: Silver

H. Height: I always thought that I was 5’3″ but last year at a routine physical I was measured and told that I am actually 5’2″.

I. Instruments you play(ed): For some reason we had an organ and I took organ lessons as a child.  In middle school and junior high I played the clarinet and tried the saxophone for a little while.  Now I am usually the tambourine player when my 4 year old son wants to have a band.

J. Job title: Registered Nurse

K. Kids: One

L. Live: I live in Western Massachusetts.

M. Mom’s name: Lois

N. Nicknames: Aim

O. Overnight hospital stays: I suppose the fact that I work nights at the hospital doesn’t count!  I have only had two overnight hospital stays.  When I was 17 years old I had my tonsils out.  More recently I had a C-section when my son was born and I had to spend 4 long nights in the hospital.

P. Pet peeves: Texting while driving; when people say “I says” or “I goes”; people who speak loudly to non-English speakers.

Q. Quote from a movie: I’m so bad at remembering quotes but this is one of my all time favorite movies.  From Overboard with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.  Dean Proffitt: “What could I possibly give you… ever… that you don’t already have?” Joanna: “A little girl.”

R. Righty or lefty: Righty

S. Siblings: Nicole (35 years old)

T. Time you wake up: Well this is probably the most difficult question for me to answer.  If I am not working then I am up anywhere from 5:30 to 6:30 am depending on when my son wakes up.  On nights that I work this answer will vary depending on when I go to sleep.

U. Underwear: odd question…of course I wear them and that’s all I will say about that!

V. Vegetables you dont’ like: I have a confession to make.  I did not eat any vegetables until I was about 23 years old.  I now eat almost every veggie that comes my way.  I will try anything.

W. What makes you run late: I am always early.  I joke that I have to “try” to be on time.

X. X-rays you’ve had: Lots of dental X-rays; a chest X-ray for Peace Corps medical clearance

Y. Yummy food you make: I think that I make really good rice and beans. Thanks to the blog world I have made so many tasty dishes in the last couple of years.

Z. Zoo animal favorites: The zoo just isn’t my thing.  I hate the idea of the animals being all caged up.  I did enjoy seeing elephants when on safari in South Africa.  They are such fascinating animals.

So there you have it.  A little bit about me.

I didn’t go to the gym today.  I didn’t go for a run today.  I didn’t do an On Demand exercise program.  I thought about working out.  The weather was warmer than it has been in ages and the roads mostly dry.  It would have been a nice day for a run, but I didn’t go.

I haven’t felt great the last two days.  I feel as though I pulled a muscle in my upper back. I also just wasn’t feeling well.  I went to bed very early last night after being up for over 20 hours.  I took 600 mg of Ibuprofen before bed and slept well.

I woke up feeling well but within an hour I began to feel the muscle strain again.  It wasn’t as bad as yesterday though.  I contemplated my work out plans.  I listened to what my body was telling me and I decided against a formal workout or run.

Instead Carlos and I went for a walk around the college in town.  It was great to be out in the fresh air, a little cool but refreshing.  After our walk I gave in to Carlos’ pleas to go to Friendly’s for lunch.  I had my usual cup of chicken noodle soup and then Carlos and I split a kids size cup of ice cream.  Carlos chose strawberry and vanilla.  We had such a nice time.

My lunch date

After lunch we went grocery shopping.  I had yet to do a major grocery shopping since returning home from our trip so I was armed with a long list.  Mission accomplished, Carlos and I headed home to do some baking and Jello making.

We made a big bowl of strawberry Jello, plantain muffins and two zucchini breads.  By the time we finished with all of that it was time to make dinner. This morning I bought a homemade loaf of Sundried Tomato Basil bread from my favorite breakfast restaurant, Kristina’s Kafe in Belchertown, MA.  The waitress mentioned that it was delicious for making grilled cheese.  I could not get that out of my mind and decided to go with an old classic for dinner…grilled cheese and tomato soup.

I remember reading this post on Eat, Live, Run and quickly searched for it.  It was an unbelievably delicious meal.  I added tomatoes and spinach to the grilled cheese.  The soup was so flavorful and creamy.  My husband absolutely loved the soup.

I once again thought about going to the gym after dinner, but I decided that my body has been giving me signs all day that it needed a break today.  As I lay here in bed typing this I hear my body saying that it will be much better tomorrow.