It’s official I’ve registered for the Vermont City Marathon. Today was the last day before prices go up so I had to make a decision. Last night I went for a late run. It was gorgeous out, perfect running temp. I no longer have Map My Run set to announce my pace or time, only mileage. So I just ran and breathed and thought. I admit I was still on the fence about Vermont City.
Here’s the thing, I’m not a whiner. I work really hard, rarely take days off. I don’t complain if I’m in pain, but if I say I’m in pain you darn well better believe something hurts at that point. I am busy, not busier than other people, but busy. I work two jobs. I keep a clean house. I really really enjoy spending time with my son and I cherish that time. Time with Carlos is nonnegotiable and other things often take a back seat. I love my husband, but he’s busy too so trying to find time for us is important. Sometimes my needs get pushed to the side for a bit.
Since my last marathon in September 2013 I have been on a bit of roller coaster of emotions, backsliding into old habits and weight fluctuations which inevitably cause more emotional issues. Then there was “the injury” last year. My Achilles! It set me back further than I ever imagined, taught me a lot about myself and about running. I am a different runner now. A new runner in some ways. I am not a beginner although it often feels like it. There has been some other crap in the last year and a half and compared to things other people deal with my life isn’t so bad. But I realized last night while I was running that these are my trials and tribulations. I don’t have to justify them, feel ashamed about them or minimize them. They are real to me and they have made me cry, feel frustrated and have darn near defeated me some days.
I keep trying though. I keep pushing through and attempting to find a new way to do things both in running and in life. I refuse to give up. Last night while I was running I declared that I will run Vermont City because I CAN! It won’t be a PR marathon for me, but that’s ok. The point is despite my shitty 22 miler on Sunday I could have gone another 4 miles if I had to. I CAN run a marathon. No one says I have to run it fast. I am thankful everyday that my body is healthy and well, my legs allow me to run and my lungs allow me to breath effortlessly.
I run because I love to run. I run because I never believed it was possible for me to run and enjoy it. I run because it makes my body feel good. I run to show my son that commitment and dedication is important. I run because I CAN!
So not only did I register for the Vermont City Marathon I also took on the challenge of the New England Double Marathon which includes the Hartford Marathon in October. Vermont is my entrance back into running the distance…but I’ve got other plans for Hartford.
“If you can’t fly then run, if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Martin Luther King
Glad you signed up, and Hartford will be exciting, I’ve heard good things about it. As you can imagine, I have come to find a great deal of value and joy in doing marathons even where there’s no PR (though usually I sign up hoping for one). Can O and/or C bike with/near you on runs sometimes? Might be a good way to multi-task running and family time. I like your perspective on owning your own struggles rather than minimizing them. I have a friend who sometimes will share something that’s bothering her, and then call it a first world problem. My reaction is always, yes, you’re right, we’re lucky we have ample access to clean drinking water, etc., and yes, there are bigger struggles that are life-threatening, etc., but don’t minimize it, if it bothers you, it bothers you, own it, accept it, and resolve it if you can. It’s not illegitimate just because other people deal with worse things.
Aimee…Congratulations on deciding to run…I know you will feel good about that decision because you love to run. I agree also on each of us having our own trials that can cripple us…sometimes I forget that everyone has their own albatross and I start to feel defeated as well but I like how you said it…you keep on keeping on…you keep trying to better yourself and so do I and we both have to at least give ourselves credit for that 🙂
Hi Aimee, “these are my trials and tribulations. I don’t have to justify them, feel ashamed about them or minimize them. They are real to me and they have made me cry, feel frustrated and have darn near defeated me some days.” — I resonate with this so much.
I had an incredibly stressful week this week–most stress in one week this year. I had a moment where I just sat for a few minutes and cried, then got up and kept on with my deadline. I could feel the happy chemicals were sunk, definitely not to normal levels in my brain. I was just mentally drained. Would these same things cause another person the same amount of stress? I don’t think that question matters because my stress is mine and I don’t need to justify it.
I wrote about this on my blog and some commenter asked if I was “making excuses,” I cannot deny–that comment bothered me!!! (This person does not have any idea about what happened to me this week, so she does not know how she would have reacted.) I replied– no, I was saying that we should acknowledge that we are doing our best in stressful situations. and all you say above too. 🙂
Love–that you enjoy and appreciate yourself, Aimee.