Jones 10 Miler

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Aimee

The Jones 10 Miler in Amherst is a legendary winter race in New England and a great training race for the Boston Marathon. I have been playing this race by ear because of weather, schedule and a birthday party on the calendar. I already ran a race in February so this would be an extra in my plan to run one race a month. I needed a long double digit run this month so a 10 mile race would fit the bill. An impending storm heading up the east coast forced the race to be postponed from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. I hadn’t registered yet so it wouldn’t be a financial loss to not run. As it became clear that the storm was not going to hit us I worked out the schedule for Sunday with my husband and decided I would run the race while he went to the birthday party with Carlos.

However, the weather started looking grim mid-morning on Sunday. As I left the house to make the 20 minute drive it was drizzling with threats of sleet and snow on the forecast. The old Aimee would have turned around and said screw it. Instead I said to myself, “what the hell I’m already out I might as well give it a go.” The drive to Amherst, one of my favorite places and home of my alma mater UMass, is along slow winding back roads. As bad luck would have it I got stuck behind a long line of cars and a bus. The normal 20 minutes to my destination was now pushing 35. I found the location or so I thought. Turns out registration was a short drive away and it was already 10 minutes to the start. I registered as quickly as I could, put my bib on, stashed my key in my bra (I’m classy like that!) and off I went in search of the starting line.

I saw it in the distance and as I was running toward the start the race began. It was a bit awkward to have 500 runners hurtling towards you. I ran past the start line and turned around to start the race dead last. It was raining at this point and big fat flakes of snow were slowly forming. I laughed to myself at the hilarity of the moment. The old Aimee would have been embarrassed and self-conscious as the bystanders watched my faux pas. Instead I fell into a comfortable pace and quickly began making my way into the pack.

This course is notoriously challenging and hilly. Female winner Stephanie Reilly, a cross-country and track and field coach at Bryant University, was quoted as saying “This course is very, very difficult!…I ran a 16-mile race in Derry (N.H.) in January, and I think this race is much harder.” She still managed to finish in 58:40. That is pretty amazing in my book. I would have to agree with her assessment of the course. It was by far one of the toughest races I have yet to run. It was also one of the most gratifying races.

I have never run a 10 mile race so any time would be a PR, but I had a time in mind. I seem to running sub-10 minute miles these days despite my constant disbelief. I continue to hang onto a little of that self-depricating habit of downplaying my achievements. For instance I have a hard time calling myself a runner. That’s ridiculous considering I run all the time. Achieving a 10 minute mile after running for a year or so was huge for me. Slowly but surely I began running a little faster and so on. Despite knowing my abilities I still set my goal for this race at 1:40, a 10 minute mile pace, and really I even told myself that somewhere in the range of 1:45 to 1:50 was more likely because of the weather.

However, when I get out on a race course my mind usually takes over and gets a little competitive. This race was no different. The hills were manageable to start but at mile 3 is where things started to get steep. I took one look at the hill ahead and said ~~forget it~~ hell yes I can do this and I did it…again and again and again because those dang hills just kept coming right up to about a quarter mile from the finish. I ran the hills, each and every one. With each one I ran a little taller and felt a little prouder.

Somewhere at around mile 3.5 I came shoulder to shoulder with another woman. We ran together for a bit both very focused on our own run. I got ahead of her and then after a water stop she pulled ahead. We continued like this a couple of times until she finally pushed past me for good, but I knew she was running at a pace faster than I was used to so I kept as close as possible even adding a few sprints from time to time to catch up a little closer. I never caught up to her but no one else came between us.

The hills in the 9th mile were cruel and unforgiving. I pushed my way up them and as I rounded a corner I realized I had made it to the finish line. It was up a ways and I could see that we had to loop through a parking lot. As I got closer I caught sight of the time clock. Up to this point I had absolutely no clue what my time was. There were mile markers along the entire course but no clocks.

I wax on and on about what running has done for me physically and mentally so I hate to get all emotional again. I honestly can’t help it though so consider yourself warned. I saw the clock and I gasped as tears welled up in my eyes. I must have been a sight to see as I tried to catch my breath and sprint towards the finish. I think I had a mini asthma attack. That woman ahead of me finished in 1:35:38. I tapped her on the shoulder as I left the finish chute and congratulated her on a great race. I also thanked her for pacing me. You know what? She thanked me too. She told me she was grateful to have me close by through all the ups and downs of the course. We shook hands and parted ways. Wow I was floored. I was beaming from ear to ear. My official finish time was 1:35:54!

Oh and that crazy winter weather, would you believe it really wasn’t that horrible to run in. It made the quaint scenic route through farmland and wooded areas look even more like a quintessential New England winter scene by Norman Rockwell. Sure I was wet at the end, but my shoes stayed relatively dry and my hands were warm enough to take off the gloves in the first few miles.

After a small bowl of vegetarian chili and a banana, I loaded up on free Odwalla bars and headed home. I drove home in silence reflecting on the race. From here on in I will no longer sell myself short with negative self-talk. I will not underestimate my abilities. I will continue to train hard some days, run for fun other days and always trust in my progress. My son asked me if I won like he always does and I replied like I always do, “I win every time I cross the finish line.”

The Farm Table

Posted on February 18, 2013 by Aimee

For Christmas we received a generous gift card from my mom for dinner at The Farm Table restaurant. We had been once before and loved it. Last night we had the rare opportunity to spend an evening out since Carlos was staying at my sister’s house.

The restaurant is housed in an 1800 colonial house located in Bernardston, MA at Kringle Candle. The Kringle Candle complex is on both sides of the street and you can smell the sweet scents of candles as soon as you step out of your car. The quaint buildings blend in with the colonial architecture of the Farm Table building. At night there are candles twinkling in the windows. It is so beautiful.

The Farm Table at Night (photo credit The Farm Table Facebook page)

It is about a 40 minute drive north of where we live, but well worth the drive. We had a 7:15pm reservation and we arrived about 45 minutes early with the intention of enjoying a glass of wine in the bar. To our surprise they were able to seat us before we could order drinks.

The dining room (photo credit The Farm Table Facebook page)

The service is impeccable, formal yet friendly. We let our server know that we were not in a hurry and wanted to take our time between courses. Yes courses! I am very dedicated to watching my weight as I continue working on losing the last 12 or so pounds. I knew we were going to dinner so I planned my day accordingly to allow for this rare occasion. Another rarity is having a drink, but I do enjoy a glass of wine every now and then. We started the night with a glass of Torres ‘Vina Esmeralda’ Moscato – Gerwurtztraminer. I don’t know what most of that means, but I will tell you that it was delicious. Orlando and I are not wine aficionados. We like it white and a bit on the sweeter side. This was crisp, refreshing and not too sweet.

After looking at the menu we decided to get different dishes and share everything. We knew from before that the portions are not huge, but the food is intensely flavorful. We started the night with an appetizer of Warm White Bean and Rosemary Hummus served with Marinated Sun Dried Tomatoes, Oil Cured Olives, Warm Toasted Flatbread with Roasted Garlic Chili Oil. We both agreed that the hummus could have been eaten straight up with a spoon.

Next was the soup and salad course. We selected the Native Butternut Squash Soup with a Seared Day Boat Sea Scallop and Chive Oil along with the Warm Quinoa and Roasted Butternut Squash Salad with Maple Vinaigrette, Roasted Mushrooms, Carrot, Parsnip and Honey Crisp Apple, finished with Pepitas and Feta Cheese. We pretty much died and went to heaven. The soup was rich and creamy without being heavy if that makes any sense. The salad was perfect for this time of year. The flavors blended so perfectly that nothing overpowered the dish.

Break time! I’ll pause here like we did during our dinner and I’ll tell you a bit more about the restaurant. The restaurant’s motto is “The Way it Used to Be” referring to a simpler time when food was fresh, grown in a garden or obtained from a local farm. The restaurant itself has an organic garden and if the produce doesn’t come from the garden it is almost all from within a 50 mile radius. The menu changes with the seasons. I love knowing that the food I am eating is fresh and local.

After a lengthy breather we ordered our entrées. Although I do not eat meat I still eat seafood on occasion particularly when I eat at a nice restaurant. We ordered one of the specials Pan Roasted Cod and Saffron Butter Poached Lobster served on a Crispy Risotto Cake with Sauteed Swiss Chard, Smoked Paprika Oil and Rainbow Micro Greens. The other entrée was Pan Seared Salmon Lemon Ginger Beurre Blanc, Aged Balsamic Vinegar, Seasonal Vegetable Sauté, Curry Scented Quinoa. They were both delicious but I actually preferred the salmon dish. I loved the sauteed chard in the first dish and the lobster melted in your mouth, but the fried risotto cake was heavy and distracting. After one bite I ignored it and focused on the greens and seafood. The flavors in the salmon dish melded so nicely together. It was a lighter dish and less complicated which in my opinion made it much more enjoyable.

As I said the portions here are not meant to stuff you so we were satisfied but not uncomfortable. We sat for quite some time after dinner chatting before ordering dessert. This was my guilty pleasure for the evening. I love dessert, but my husband can live without it although even he agreed we should give it a try since everything else had been so outstanding. We had a sampling of the vanilla bean cheesecake and the hazelnut banana cake. The descriptions were much more detailed, but the dessert menu changes so it is not listed on the website. Both were delicious. I don’t usually like banana flavored foods, but the hazelnut banana cake featured real banana and a hazelnut crust. It was quite decadent without being overly sweet. Anything with vanilla bean is a win for me so I loved the cheesecake.

I felt like I was on Top Chef last night. It was insanely fun to really savor great food. I have never had a culinary experience quite like this. It also gave me some inspiration to use in my own kitchen.

If you could dine at any restaurant in the world which would you choose and why? I would love to dine at Chez Panisse, Alice Waters’ famed restaurant in Berkeley, CA. I am fascinated with the farm to table restaurants because of the creativity and spontaneity required by the chef. Food is a work of art crafted out of what is available and in season. I also really admire the work of Alice Waters.

Snowstorm Classic

Posted on February 9, 2013 by Aimee

We woke up to a winter wonderland this morning compliments of Nemo. It was beautiful to see the glistening snow sparkling in the sunlight. However, this is not the snowstorm I’m referring to. I loosely decided I would like to try to run at least one race every month. February’s calendar filled up quickly and I was having trouble finding a race to fit into my schedule. At the last minute I found that a local running group holds a series of races from December through March called the Snowstorm Classics. They alternate between 5Ks and 10Ks. Last Saturday happened to be a 5K which was perfect with my training schedule. I haven’t run a 5K in almost 2 years.

The races are really low key and take place in and around a local park. Registration takes place on race day and it’s only $5. There were 81 racers. A great turnout on a chilly Saturday morning.

I don’t love 5Ks. There I said it. When I go for a long run or run a distance race I have time to find a good pace, get my breathing even and fall into a comfortable rhythm. The 5K distance is short and I don’t pace myself well during a 5K race. I usually start out too fast and lose steam towards the end.

We got started and immediately ran up a hill! Talk about getting your heart pumping. I felt good and was really hoping for a 5K PR. The uphill start prevented me from going out too fast. At the top of the hill the course flattened out. We did a loop and a half around the athletic fields and then headed out of the park. As we turned onto the road in front of the park I neared the man in front of me. I soon passed him and pushed closer to the woman ahead. She was long and lean. It seemed as though she was running a speedier pace than I normally run. I stayed behind her and came close to catching up to her a couple of times.

My legs felt good during the race. I wasn’t sure of my pace, but I felt like I might be running my way to a PR. I had a feeling the finish line was near when we came towards another hill. Fortunately we didn’t have to go up that hill. There was a slight incline as we approached the finish line and out of the corner of my eye I noticed the man I had passed earlier closing in on me. I thought to myself “oh helllll nooo! He’s not going to pass me now!” I started running like I was being chased by a band of zombies. I pulled it out at the end and beat my imaginary competitor. He came up to me and congratulated me on a great race which I thought was very cool. There was no time clock at the finish so I actually had no idea of my race time.

I stayed for a bit, watched and cheered as others came through the finish. I listened as some of the runners discussed their upcoming races, training and for some preparations for the Boston Marathon. I’ve never been involved in a running group, but standing there amongst other runners I did feel as though I was part of a unique club. There is the running lingo – PR, BQ, chip time, splits, Garmin and the like. I smiled to myself as I headed to my car. I still get a charge out of my new life. I run races or go for long runs on Saturday mornings when years before I remember sitting on the sofa all morning watching reruns of 90210 (do not judge!).

Being a small, no frills race I knew it might be a while before my time was posted. My current 5K PR is 28:53 which I have declared is false for a few reasons. I had major stomach drama that morning and I felt sluggish through the entire race. At that time I was not consistently running a sub 10 minute mile for any length of time. This race was definitely a better test of my abilities. Though I knew I ran a strong I was still floored when I saw I ran it in 27:02!!

“Racing teaches us to challenge ourselves. It teaches us to push beyond where we thought we could go. It helps us to find out what we are made of. This is what we do. This is what it’s all about.”
-PattiSue Plumer, U.S. Olympian

How to Eat Like a 6 Year Old

Posted on February 1, 2013 by Aimee

This morning when I came home from work I asked my son what he had for breakfast as I always do. His answers are much the same cereal, egg, toast, fruit… Today’s answer was a bit different and it still has me shaking my head in disbelief. He replied, “I had cereal mom, but I didn’t eat a lot.” I offered him an apple for the ride to school and his reply blew me away. “No I don’t want anything else to eat because today is a special day at school. We are having donuts and a movie at snack recess today and maybe some other special treats so I don’t want to make my stomach full and not be hungry later.”

I have always been in awe of how Carlos eats. He asks for food when he is hungry and stops when is full. It boggles my mind to see him literally stop eating a piece of decadent cheesecake or what have you practically mid-bite, push it away and state matter-of-factly “I’m all done.” It is as though he is hard wired with an on and off switch that I clearly lack. I am envious of that and as I work towards overcoming a life long battle with food I find myself observing my son’s eating habits in hopes that they will rub off on me a bit. He is healthy, energetic and strong. He does not and probably will never have to concern himself with his weight if he continues to remain so self-aware and maintain the habits he has now.

However, he is a child and some of his habits are tied into his environment. I have never discussed my weight issues with my son. I do not fret about how I look in front of him nor do I obsess about what I eat to him. I educate him the best I can about nutrition, fitness and overall health and wellness. I have done some things differently with him regarding food that stray from the way I was raised. I do not ever force him to eat if he says he is not hungry. I carry a few healthy snacks on me at all times so we are not at the mercy of junk food if hunger strikes. His beverage of choice is water, juice is very limited and he does not drink soda in my presence (I can’t always control what happens when I’m not around, but he seems to think it’s disgusting for now). I start him with a normal child size portion and allow him seconds if he is still hungry after eating everything on his plate rather than present him with an adult size portion which might encourage him to eat more than he wants or needs.

Maybe Carlos’ tummy was a little hungry as he left for school this morning, but he knew it would be full with a more enticing treat in no time. In the world of Weight Watchers and other weight loss programs this is called pre-planning your day. For Carlos it was a simple decision. Psychotherapist and nutritionist Ellyn Satter sums it up nicely, “The parent is responsible for what, when and where. The child is responsible for how much and whether.”

Friend Makin’ Mondays: Getting to Know Each Other

Posted on January 28, 2013 by Aimee

I can’t believe the weekend is over. Where did it go? I kicked off the weekend with a really great yoga class on Friday morning. I also managed to sneak in a 10 mile run outdoors on Saturday morning. It felt so great to run outside even if it was in the 20s. I kept thinking this is perfect running weather followed by who the heck am I? Carlos had asked that morning if we could go to the rock climbing gym so we jumped in the car after my run for an hour of climbing before his basketball game.

On Sunday, Carlos had ice skating lessons. The program he is in is phenomenal. The coaches are so kind, patient and encouraging. The group is huge yet week after week you can really see the progress the kids are making. This is echoed in the weekly emails we get from the head coach. He is so positive and clearly thrilled with how well the kids are doing. They are using sticks and pucks were introduced this week. As of yet Carlos has no plans to play hockey which is fine with us, but he loves to skate and looks forward to the lessons each week.

After skating we attended Open House at his school. It was so cute. He was proud to show us his work and his classroom. He adores his teacher and the feeling is obviously mutual. Needless to say I was feeling lots of pride and joy as well as a touch of sadness at how quickly my little boy is growing. Cue the Kleenex!

Nothing like a Monday morning to snap us back to reality. If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so everyone can see your FMM questions. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

Getting To Know Each Other

1. What is your favorite color? I honestly don’t have a favorite color which drives my son nuts. My son declared his favorite color to be yellow when he was about 2 and hasn’t changed his mind since. I tend to be most comfortable around earth tones, nothing too bright or colorful.

2. Share one or more of your talents. I got nothin’!

3. If you were spending the day getting to know someone new, where would you want to go? Whenever I am meeting up with a new “mom” friend I love to grab a coffee or tea at Barnes & Noble or something outdoors with the kids like the playground.

4. What is your favorite meal? If you had asked me this question 15-20 years ago I would have said pasta (and lots of it) with my aunt’s meat sauce. Today I adore ethnic food particularly Indian, Thai and Mexican, but those meals are best when I eat them at authentic restaurants. At home my favorite meal lately is a big kale salad with roasted butternut squash, loads of veggies and chick peas. I’m addicted to kale!

5. Do you prefer to text or talk? Texting is my preference because I really dislike the quality of my iPhone as an actual phone and since it’s my only phone I would rather just text than deal with the dropped calls or poor reception.

6. Share something about yourself that might surprise someone that you’re getting to know. I had really big hair in the late 80’s and I saw some of the big name “hair” bands of the time like Ratt, Poison, Motley Crew and White Snake amongst others. Aqua net…oh yes I did!

7. Do you color your hair? Yes, thanks to my grandmother. I inherited the go grey in your 20s gene from my grandmother. I went gray around my right temple in my mid-20s. I hated it. My grandmother was so proud of the fact that she was totally gray by her late 20s. No thank you very much! I color my hair ever 5-7 weeks. I love my stylist. She’s adorable and always makes me feel very youthful.

8. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I wear glasses for driving.

9. What is your favorite breakfast food? I really love oatmeal though I’ve switched to more veggie based breakfasts like egg white omelets lately.

10. Would your friends say that you’re sarcastic? Absolutely! I always have been and I don’t mean any harm by it. However, I am often misunderstood, but mostly by my family all of whom have known me my entire life and should get my sarcasm by now.

11. Do you prefer salty or sweet? Sweet.

12. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? I’m not partial to any particular attribute. I suppose I first notice personality. I almost always developed an attraction to a man after meeting and getting to know him.

13. What is the last movie you watched? The last movie I saw in the cinema was The Hunger Games. I went to the midnight showing on opening night. Yes I’m aware that was almost a year ago. I’m approximately 83 years old on my nights off and cannot stay awake long enough to watch a sitcom. I have been watching lots of food/nutrition documentaries on Netflix. These often take me days because I don’t have time to just sit and watch a movie in its entirety.

14. Are you religious? I believe in God and I’ve always thought of myself as privately spiritual, but I do not attend church regularly despite the fact that my son goes to Catholic school. I love learning about all kinds of religions and I will gladly attend a service of another religion.

15. Are you a neat freak, a slob, or somewhere in between? I’m extremely tidy. OK everyone who knows me would say I’m a neat freak. I can live somewhere in between for a few hours, but then I have to tidy up.

16. Share something from your bucket list that you hope to do someday. I have so many things I hope to do and many revolve around traveling to as many places in the world as I am able to safely. I am adamant about climbing Mount Kilimanjaro with Carlos on my 50th birthday.

17. Are you a risk taker, or do you prefer to play it safe? I am a risk taker to some degree. I love doing new things, but my desire to do things like parachute out of a plane no longer holds any appeal since becoming a mother.

18. Have you ever worn braces? Yes. I was the first person in my grade to have braces. I got them in 4th grade and off in 6th. However, I now need to consider Invisalign for my bottom teeth which have shifted tremendously.

19. Would you rather spend an evening at a theater or at a club? I like them both, but I would choose a salsa club over the theater any day.

20. If you could have three wishes, what would one of them be? I hate to end on a somber note. I am sending my thoughts, prayers and wishes to Mozambique in hopes that the flooding will soon subside and the waters would magically disappear so everyone could return to life as it was (I will post about this later in the week). We are feeling very helpless here and know all too well from experience what they are going through. My in-laws and friends are safe and most are out of the town, but thousands of people will soon face the task of rebuilding their town once again.

Now it’s your turn to answer the questions. Don’t forget to visit Kenlie’s blog and link up in the comments!

Day Dates

Posted on January 27, 2013 by Aimee

My husband and I rarely go out on dates. It has a lot to do with my schedule. I work nights and I work every other weekend. It also has to do with the exorbitant cost of babysitters these days. What the heck happened to $2/hour? When I am lucky enough to even find a babysitter the minimum is $10/hour.

My husband is a mason and he gets laid off most winters. We plan for it financially so we don’t stress about money, but it tends to take an emotional toll on the two of us. I think it’s the lack of day structure that makes my husband a bit loopy after a few weeks. Needless to say neither on of us can wait for work to begin again.

We decided to take a different approach this year. For one I have stepped down off my martyr throne and now graciously accept any offers to drive Carlos to school, do other errands or jobs around the house. We are also enjoying some much needed quality couple time together. Since we don’t have too many Saturday night dates we are now taking this opportunity to go on day dates. I have no idea why we never thought of this before.

So far my favorite day date was snowshoeing at Northfield Mountain. It was a first for both of us and it was so much fun. Northfield is a small town located in north western Massachusetts. It was established in 1723 and straddles both sides of the Connecticut River.

The trails were nicely groomed, it was a good day for a winter activity, not too cold and no wind. Oh I have to interject here that it was also my first outing in my new snow pants. I splurged and bought a pair of black North Face snow pants. I decided that in order to really enjoy winter and all the fun winter outdoor activities then I need to dress appropriately. I have never had great winter gear so I’m always cold and uncomfortable. No more! These pants were amazing; warm, perfect fit, not bulky and they looked decent. According to my husband the view from behind was rather pleasing! They weren’t exactly cheap, but I suspect I will have them for years to come.

Back to snowshoeing…it was a blast. We tore up the mountain once we got the hang of walking with the funny shoes. We followed the map to the summit. There is a reservoir on top with pretty views all the way into Vermont. We took in the view and then back down we went at a speedy pace so we could head back to pick up Carlos from school on time. It was a workout for sure, but it was so much fun it didn’t feel like work.

Enough talk. Here are some photos of the day.

Mozambican Mountain Man

Scenery along the way

Nearing the summit

We made it!

Taking a break to admire the view

New snow pants and a view of Vermont in the distance

If you have never snowshoed before give it a try. It’s like hiking in the snow. It’s fun, refreshing to be out in the crisp winter air and it’s great exercise.

Skin Deep: Living in America

Posted on January 16, 2013 by Aimee

Earlier this sumer I introduced a series of posts touching on my weight issues and body image over the years. I have wanted to return to it for some time now. If you missed any of the previous posts they can be found below.

Skin Deep: Adolescence

Skin Deep: College Years

Skin Deep: Mozambique

I left off on the verge of leaving my life in Mozambique to return to the United States. I was newlywed and had been out of the country for nearly four years. Unfortunately student loan payments began calling and neither my husband or I could find stable employment in Mozambique. So back to the U.S. it was.

I looked and felt great the day I stepped off the plane. In the back of my head I was worried about the temptations that awaited me. I returned home first. Orlando arrived two months later. I lived with my mother while I began setting up our new life in the states. I got busy applying for jobs and while I waited for work I began substitute teaching in my hometown. However, I often found myself alone on days I didn’t work. It didn’t take long for my old habits to rear their ugly heads. I began to eat my old favorite processed foods I hadn’t eaten for the years I lived abroad. I didn’t just eat a little. I ate a lot and I ate most of it in private. As you can imagine it didn’t take me long to start gaining weight.

By the time I was reunited with my husband I had gained at least 10 pounds. With the weight came the old feelings, insecurity, self-consciousness and lack of confidence. I knew I was on a slippery slope and it didn’t end there. Despite being here with my husband I felt very lonely. Friendships had changed while I was away. My family was adjusting to my marriage particularly my mother who strongly disagreed with my decision. As my weight increased so did my defensive attitude. I became angry, frustrated and looking back I can now identify that I was also depressed.

A year earlier a very good college friend had asked me to be in her wedding. The wedding was 5 months after my return. I had been fitted for the bridesmaid dress a year earlier on a visit to the U.S. at a time when I was comfortable with my weight. The dress fit beautifully and looked quite nice. Cut to a year later as the wedding neared. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my body. The dress was beyond snug. It actually looked horrible. I didn’t want to be in the wedding. Needless to say I was not the model of a supportive bridesmaid. I was resentful because of how I felt inside. I attended the wedding alone and though I did my best to be happy for my friend I clearly wasn’t happy to be there. After the wedding our communication waned. I haven’t seen my friend since. I did call her months later to apologize for my behavior but the damage had been done. This memory is cemented in my mind and thinking about it makes me feel terrible.

My husband began working within days of arriving for a swimming pool company. I was not so lucky. It turned out to be almost as difficult to find employment here in the U.S. It took me 4 months to get a full time job with health insurance. I finally took a position running a program for pregnant and parenting teens. The program was run through the state supported Department of Transitional Assistance as an alternative to traditional schooling. Since the girls were all receiving welfare they were required to attend school or obtain a GED. This program prepared the girls to take the GED. I also ran health workshops, parenting classes and life skills classes. I enjoyed the job and the day structure.

After a few months on the job I began to lose some weight and felt a bit better about myself. I began walking a lot for exercise. As I lost weight my mood improved, but I would get down 5-10 pounds and then gain again. It became a vicious cycle. My eating habits were terrible. I relied on frozen foods and convenience food for meals. My pantry was full of packages labeled fat free, low fat and light. I tricked myself into believing that I was eating healthy by eating less fat.

I also picked up some new damaging habits. This is difficult for me to write about because I haven’t readily admitted it before. I began eating in secret. I would buy a forbidden treat at the grocery store with the intent of finishing it in the car on the way home, quite a feat considering I lived about 3 minutes away. I would hide a bag of chips in the pantry and basically binge eat it when my husband was at work or asleep. Again rather risky given the fact that we lived in a small apartment. I didn’t do it all the time, but when I did I was left feeling confused, remorseful and regretful. I would instantly vow to embark on a drastic diet the following day. You can probably guess where that kind of thinking led me.

Between 2002 and 2004 my weight bounced up and down finally settling somewhere in the high 170s, a place I had been many times before. I squeezed into my familiar size 14s, did my best at hiding my body with baggie sweaters and used my go to defense mechanism of sarcasm to deal with the hurt and shame I felt. I was miserable inside.

Despite the weight I didn’t shy away from new opportunities or challenges in other aspects of my life. I had thought about becoming a nurse during my years in Mozambique because of the need for health care workers there. Also the demand for nurses here promised a decent paying career. My job with the Young Parents Program was tenuous and budget cuts in the state forced the program to close temporarily in the beginning of 2003. When it reopened the program I ran did not so I was only offered a part-time position in another town. I declined because I had the foresight to register for a prerequisite nursing class at a local community college. At that point I decided to throw myself into preparing for nursing school full time so I signed up for more classes and began working at a pizza shop where my aunt worked for extra money.

My self-esteem was at a low. My weight was all over the place. In October of 2003 we had our U.S. wedding for my friends and family. It was a nice day, but I am disappointed looking back on it. I wanted to glow and feel my best, but instead I settled for mediocre. I didn’t feel like the beautiful bride. I was jealous of how thin my wedding party was and how great they looked in their dresses. Imagine the bride envious of her wedding party. The way I felt about myself definitely cast a shadow on my mood that day. I managed to put on a good face, but deep down I was mad at myself for once again allowing my weight to dictate my mood.

I’m aware that I may get comments about these photos. Remember that how one feels about their body is subjective. This is my story and these are my feelings. I have struggled with weight issues most of my life. While my weight in these photos may not be considered by some to be a problem, to me it was a problem.

Here comes the bride: My Dad and I walking down the aisle

I do…again!

After the wedding I threw myself into my studies, I joined a gym and I began waitressing full time. I was busy. My weight fluctuated and even dropped for a time, but not too low. I didn’t own a scale and didn’t weigh myself at the gym so I’m not quite sure what I weighed. My mood was often directly correlated to the current state of my weight and how I felt in my clothing.

This has been a very difficult and emotional post to write. This was a rather dark time in my life. It’s also important for me to write about this time period because it plays an important role in who I’ve become today. Disordered eating was accompanied by disordered thinking and both needed to be addressed before any real change could take place.

I realize this post is somewhat disjointed and unorganized. That reflects how I felt during this period of my life. To tie up some loose ends I will end with a list to make my thoughts more organized.

My marriage withstood my moods and frustrations with my weight primarily because I have a wonderful husband who has always loved me as I am.
My relationship with friends and family deteriorated because I was not a joy to be around most of the time.
I avoided family gatherings if possible.
Emotional eating was in full swing.
Nursing school allowed me an excuse to hide in some ways. It also provided me with added stress which led me to eat more.
I was unhappy and it showed most of the time.
I wanted to change but I wanted someone to help me. Essentially I wanted someone to do it for me.

Sawmill River Run

Posted on January 9, 2013 by Aimee

Happy New Year! I decided to leap into 2013 head first by running a race on New Year’s Day. The Sawmill River Run 10K takes place in the small Western Massachusetts town of Montague. The race is sponsored by the Montague Parks & Recreation Department. Montage is a quaint town with a history that dates back to its original settlement in the early 1700s. It maintains its rural charm with many working farms and scenic country roads.

I already mentioned that I was working New Year’s Eve. I don’t usually race after working all night, but since I knew about the race weeks in advance I did prepare accordingly by getting sufficient sleep before work and eating really well the day before and at work. So despite working all night I honestly felt fresh and ready to run. My husband and son came along which always makes me smile. Of course there was the obligatory pre-race photo with Carlos.

Sawmill River Run Pre-Race Photo

One of my 2012 goals was to run a sub-1 hour 10K. I came close with a 10K PR of 1:01:35 last March at the Holyoke St. Patrick’s 10K. I later ran the Shelburne Falls 10K in August and finished in 1:01:53. Considering my 2011 Shelburne Falls 10K race time was 1:04:16 I was really proud of my progress. Although I didn’t quite reach my goal I knew it was only a matter of time. For the past 6 weeks I have been working on my speed. I’ve also incorporated yoga and more strength training into my workout schedule. I have run 6.2 miles on my own a number of times in less than an hour over the last month. I knew going into the race that I was capable of a sub-1 hour PR.

The conditions outside were perfect for a run. It was a balmy 28 degrees, but there was barely a wind. We walked over to the Montague Grange building to pick up my race bib then returned to the car to stay warm. I wore my coat until a few minutes before the race started when I handed it off to Orlando. The race is a small one with only 166 runners so we all lined up fairly quickly and a few minutes after 10 a.m. we began to run.

The course starts on a slight downhill so I managed to fall into a comfortable rhythm early on. I warmed up within the first mile and stuffed my gloves in my pocket. The course gave way to beautiful stretches of snowy land with rustic barns in the background. The crowd thinned out around me as I secured my spot in the middle of the pack. I felt great. My legs felt light, my breathing was even so I decided to push my pace a bit. I don’t wear my Garmin when I race, but I suspected I was running at a competitive pace to reach my goal.

If you read Runner’s World you may have seen a short article about this race in last month’s issue, particularly mention of the hairpin turn at mile 4 followed by some hill climbing. I recognized the turn from the photo in the article so I was able to give myself a mental pep talk before heading up the first hill. I have Carina to thank for what happened from mile 4 to the finish line. She recently wrote a post about entitled Habits and talks about the tendency to pull back when things start to get uncomfortable. I’m so guilty of slowing my pace when my legs feel a little heavy or when the run becomes difficult. I’ve told myself to just go ahead and walk hills to make it easier.

Carina wrote something that I knew would carry me up the hills in this race. She said, “Running when it’s hard to breathe and my heart is beating like crazy for 5 minutes won’t kill me.” She’s right. I powered myself up those hills, each and every one of them and just when I thought we were done going up there would be another incline. I pushed, I took deep breaths, I kept my sights on the road ahead, and I told myself over and over that the hard work wasn’t going to kill me. I told myself that I worked so hard to reach this goal and I reminded myself of all the 6.2 runs I had done in the weeks prior in under an hour.

Around mile 5.5 the course began its descent to the finish line. Hallelujah! I picked up my pace and hauled butt down the road. I could feel the smile growing larger and larger on my face. I had absolutely no idea of my time. There had been no time clocks on the course. Soon my husband and son came into view. I could see the finish line and I got a surge of energy. Here I am as I near the finish line.

Power legs

I felt awesome. It was definitely one of my best races yet, but was it a PR? I didn’t know because there wasn’t even a time clock at the finish line. I waited all day and I have to admit I checked the race website a few times in anticipation, but each time nothing. After dinner an email popped in my inbox announcing the race times were up. I called my husband over. He was confident I made my goal. He was right I did it. I finally ran a sub-1 hour 10K, in fact I did even better than I hoped. My official time was 56:10!

Friend Makin’ Mondays: 2013

Posted on December 31, 2012 by Aimee

Before I begin the last Friend Makin’ Monday of 2012 I want to thank Lisa from Slow and Steady Wins the Race for tagging me with a Liebster Award. I am honored because I really enjoy reading about Lisa’s training and races, but I had no idea she might actually be reading my blog.

I love Lisa’s no nonsense approach to running. She just gets out there and does her thing, no excuses. Seriously, not even the weather seems to stop her. She just posted her race schedule for 2013 and it looks like it will be a busy but exciting year.

With this award I have to list some random facts about myself and answer some questions posed by Lisa.

Lisa’s Questions

1. What is your greatest fitness achievement to date? Completing 2 full marathons.

2. How long have you been on your fitness journey? I would say it started when my son was born 6 years ago, but it was slow going then with just walks and a commitment to spending more time outside moving. I began taking running seriously about 3 years ago.

3. Do you have a future goal you are working towards? If so, what is it? Don’t laugh…I am itching to beat Oprah’s marathon time. OK go ahead and laugh! It’s just a fun way for me to work towards a time goal that I know is achievable. In all honesty there is a goal that sits somewhere in the depths of my brain. I think it might be far fetched which is why I haven’t shared it yet. It’s brewing though and I will secretly keep working my way towards it. If running has taught me anything it’s never say never. (As in “I would/could never run a marathon.”)

4. Do you have any pets? If so, tell us about them! No I don’t.

5. If you won the lottery what would you do? My husband and I always discuss this topic even though we rarely play the lottery and the top priority would be to improve his family’s conditions in Mozambique even more than we already have. We have generous hearts despite our drive and motivation to build up our own security for our futures and that of our son.

5 Random Facts About Me!

I played the clarinet in grade school and junior high school even though I really wanted to play the flute. I was told I couldn’t play the flute in 4th grade because I had buck teeth.
Thanks to said buck teeth I also got braces in 5th grade. I was the first in my class with them which made them sort of “cool” at the time.
I was never “cool” in school.
My Dad wanted to name me Carmen?!
I did not eat vegetables until I was 23 years old…true story unless you count corn, potatoes and ketchup.

Now can you believe it’s Monday again. Oh where do the days go. This past week I worked Monday through Thursday night and Carlos was on vacation so our days were full of playing with new toys, organizing all of our presents and shoveling lots of snow. It is quite the winter wonderland here in my area.

If you’ve taken part in FMM then you know the rules. If you’re new, please take a moment to answer this week’s question on your own blog then add your link in the comments section at: www.alltheweigh.com so everyone can see your FMM questions. The idea is to connect with other awesome bloggers so take a moment to post your own FMM post and comment on a couple of other posts. Now it’s time for this week’s topic!

2013

1. Share one thing that you plan to do for yourself in 2013. I gave myself the gift of yoga for Christmas in the form of a Groupon for a local yoga studio. I’ve gone a couple of times so far and I love it. I’m going to make yoga a part of my life for both physical fitness and mental well being.

2. Share a good habit that you will continue doing into the new year. I will continue to journal my food intake.

3. Do you make new year’s make resolutions? If so, do you typically stick to them? No I don’t anymore because they never seem to work. What has worked for me in the last couple of years is making a tentative race plan and signing up immediately for a few races in the first few months of the new year. This keeps me on track with my fitness goals.

4. Do you have any health goals for the new year? As I inch closer to a healthy weight I will continue to work on coping with emotional eating. It has been a problem for most of my life and though I have gotten much better control of it, I still struggle with it from day to day.

5. Share one thing that you plan to do in January. I will run my first race of the year on 1/1/13. Oh can I add one more thing? I bought a month’s pass at a local rock climbing gym for January so I will be taking the belaying class and hopefully doing lots of climbing.

6. Do you have any travel plans for the coming year? If so, where are you most excited to go? Since our big trip is not quite set in stone yet I won’t say anything just in case things don’t work out. It will be overseas though. I am eyeing a half marathon in Baltimore in June. We are thinking about going somewhere warm in February, but haven’t found a great deal so I will keep looking. There will likely be a trip up to Plattsburgh, NY in the spring also for a half marathon and to visit friends. Travel plans are largely up in the air right now, but there will be travel because I positively cannot live without it in my life.

7. What are your plans for New Year’s Eve? Don’t cry for me, I’ll be working. I actually don’t mind and if I’m not already scheduled to work New Year’s Eve I offer to work. It’s not the safest night to be out and about so I figure I might as well earn holiday pay and use it towards a nice date night later in the month.

8. What are your resolutions for 2013? OK I said I don’t do resolutions, but I have one. I resolve to finish writing the Skin Deep series of posts I began last spring. I constantly think about where I left off and for personal reasons I need to finish writing the posts.

9. What are you looking forward to most over the next 12 months? I’m looking forward to travels. I am sort of looking forward to starting graduate studies in July. I am also looking forward to more races and more adventures with Carlos and Orlando.

10. Share something unique that you hope to do in 2013. I really hope to finally solidify a plan of action to help move us toward our dream of moving back to Mozambique within the next 5 or so years. Along with that I also hope to research opportunities to possibly fulfill career goals here in the U.S. while we work on making our dream a reality.

Now it’s your turn to answer the questions. Don’t forget to visit Kenlie’s blog and link up in the comments!

Holiday Break

Posted on December 31, 2012 by Aimee

Merry Christmas! It sure has been a busy couple of weeks, but fun. Our festivities begin the week before Christmas with the celebration of my son’s and my sister’s birthday. I was due on December 23rd but was thrilled beyond belief when Carlos made his appearance almost a week early on my sister’s birthday. That was 6 years ago. Everyone said the years would fly by once he was here, but I really wish they were wrong. As much as I wish he wouldn’t grow up so fast I have truly enjoyed every age. I can honestly say I’ve lived more in these past 6 years than in my entire 33 years before. Anyway enough of that before I begin to get all sentimental.

Getting ready

Can we get this party started?

My favorite photo of the year – Mama’s boy

Christmas flew by in a blink of an eye. It was different but enjoyable all the same. I spent the day with family which is all that matters. Orlando and I took it easy on gifts for Carlos. He got a handful of little things like art supplies, a couple of cars, slippers, shirts and of course a flashlight. The child loves flashlights. His main gift was the Wii Fit. We got him the Wii last year for Christmas. He had played the Fit at my friend’s house a while ago and recently mentioned how much he loved it. He was really surprised when he opened it because he never actually asked for it. We have been having a blast since. I really stink at the ski jump and I’m a nervous wreck on the tight rope! We both love the obstacle course especially when the big black ball knocks me into the water. There’s yoga and all kinds of sports along with the ability to weigh yourself and track your activity. It’s a great way to stay active during bad weather days or days when it is just too cold to spend a lot of time outdoors. I’m one of those moms that insists on Carlos spending time outdoor pretty much no matter what the weather for at least a half hour if not more, but it’s nice to have active activities to do inside the house.

With the New Year upon us I, like many others, have started to think about things I want to accomplish in 2013. I do not make resolutions because they simply do not work for me. Things have to be concrete for me which is probably why running races is a preferred goal. Once I sign up I then have to train for the race. So of course there will be races in the New Year. When, where and how far are details still up in the air. There is a big trip in the works and hopefully a few smaller getaways. It is likely that I will begin graduate school, but that’s not quite set in stone.

2012 was an incredible year for me. I did more in this one year that I feel great about than probably any year of my entire life. I stopped making excuses and started doing. The most important thing I will walk away from 2012 with is the knowledge that I truly can do anything I set my mind to. If I want it I can accomplish it.

I will ring in the New Year like I do every year…at work. It’s ok though because the holiday pay is a nice incentive. I’m most excited about how I will spend part of January 1st. I am running the Sawmill River 10K. It was actually mentioned in this month’s Runner’s World. It’s a small, no frills, local race. I have been working hard all month to PR in this race with high hopes for finally breaking the one hour mark for a 10K. This may seem slow to many, but when I look back to where I started the thought of this just blows me away.

Have a safe and wonderful New Year’s Eve! Happy New Year!!