Mother’s Day 2013

Posted on May 13, 2013 by Aimee

My Mother’s Day started a little early. On Friday my son’s Kindergarten class presented their alphabet show. They have been practicing for this show all year. The two Kindergarten classes joined forces and for each letter did a song, dance or one student recited a poem. The show was fantastic. I was so impressed by how well they knew each performance. The kids didn’t seem nervous at all. The dances involved basic ballroom dancing choreography. I love that the children are encouraged and taught to dance with partners. My son read the poem for letter N and did a great job.

After the show we went to the classroom where I was presented with a homemade Mother’s Day poster complete with Carlos’ handprints. My those hands are getting big!

Kindergarten Mother’s Day Gift

Carlos was so excited to give this to me. I love it! Handmade cards are truly the best.

The plan for Mother’s Day was for me to leave work a little early at 6 a.m. and head up to Whately, MA to pick up my WMass Mother’s Day Half Marathon packet. Since it’s only about 25 minutes away I thought it would be best to let Carlos and Orlando meet me at the finish line rather than wait around while I run for 2+ hours. Running this race was a spur of the moment decision. I have wanted to run it since it started 3 years ago, but I always have to work the night before. Last week I decided what the hell I’m going to run it for me. I’ll treat it like a long run and just go for the fun of it.

WMass Mother’s Day Marathon

Best decision ever! The weather turned out perfect despite the rain the day before. I cannot say enough good things about this race. It was extremely well organized. The volunteers were delightful. The course offered beautiful scenery and a faithful group of spectators along the way. All proceeds benefit the Cancer Connection in Northampton, MA so the money stayed local. This is a nonprofit organization that is dedicated to providing services for those living with cancer as well as their families and caregivers through workshops, seminars, counseling and complimentary therapies. For a small race I was quite impressed with the quality of the medals and the shirts we received. That’s a North Face tech tee.

WMass Mother’s Day Half Marathon Medal and Shirt

I loved this race. I felt great despite working all night. I ran my best, but also enjoyed the views of the mountains, farms and beautifully landscaped yards. The miles literally flew by. I thought a lot about holidays in years past. They were solely an excuse to eat. I’ve changed that aspect of holidays for myself. I try to do something a little extra on those special days to honor the healthy changes I’ve made over the last few years. This race was my gift to myself this Mother’s Day. I was not running for a PR nor did I set one (see my race page for my time). I ran a great race, but the prize at the end was not the medal or the time. It was the same thing as it always is, the inspiration to continue this journey.

My inspiration

And if I start to waiver and doubt myself I am so lucky to have one constant source of support. He didn’t sign up for this, but he hasn’t looked back once and I know that the changes I’ve made to get healthy have also benefitted him.

My biggest supporter

We celebrated the rest of Mother’s Day with my mom. It was low key and quiet as she was recovering from a strain in her neck. Next weekend my sister will be home for the weekend and we will have another mini celebration.

In case you can’t read it from the picture here is the poem on the poster my son made for me.

My Mother Kept A Garden

My Mother kept a garden,
a garden of the heart,
She planted all the good things
that gave my life it’s start.

She turned me to the sunshine
and encouraged me to dream,
Fostering and nurturing
the seeds of self-esteem…

And when the winds and rain came,
she protected me enough–
But not too much because she knew
I’d need to stand up strong and tough.

Her constant good example
always taught me right from wrong–
Markers for my pathway
that will last a lifetime long.

I am my Mother’s garden.
I am her legacy-
And I hope today she feels the love
reflected back from me

Author unknown

How was your Mother’s Day?

Skin Deep: New Life

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Aimee

I began this series almost a year ago with this post. Through these posts I have learned so much about myself. I have worked through many emotions related to my weight issues. I’ve struggled with my weight since adolescence. There is no way to effectively lose weight and keep it off without addressing the reasons I have been overweight for the better part of my life.

In my last post I finished nursing school and had recently found out I was pregnant. My mentality was beginning to shift from being solely about looking better to living a long healthy life so I could be there for my husband and child. However, old habits are difficult to break.

The Muffin

This is a story about the muffin. No, that’s not a cute name we coined for our unborn child. In the early stages of pregnancy I immediately gave myself permission to eat more. I quit Weight Watchers and though I tried to eat healthy I definitely ate for two. I developed morning sickness by the second month and an eager craving to eat breads, muffins, bland starchy foods and watermelon. Meat and vegetables were a turn off. My diet was still full of processed convenience foods. Once a month I shopped at Costco and for years I bought a dozen large blueberry muffins for my husband. As long as I had been buying them I never indulged in one. I had deemed them off limits because of their enormous calorie count.

One morning after returning home from a walk and suffering a bout of morning sickness I found myself craving a muffin so I ate one. It happened to be one of the last muffins in the package. My husband had seen me at various weights during our relationship. He was aware that I struggled with my weight, but never criticized me or made me feel badly about my weight. He has always loved me for me. However, watching me go through so many trials and tribulations with my weight he had also learned how food, weight gain and my body image contributed to my mood, personality and attitude.

Later that evening my husband was acting funny towards me, barely speaking to me. He seemed angry. All of these behaviors were highly out of character for him. After prodding him for a while he relented and admitted he was upset and annoyed that I had eaten the muffin. He reminded me how I always said the muffins were fattening and unhealthy, and that’s why I would never eat them. He had a right to be pissed. If I chose not to take care of my body pre-pregnancy that was my business, but being pregnant means caring for someone else, putting someone else first. That someone was our child.

Pregnant Body

My body grew in a way I didn’t expect. Instead of a cute protruding baby bump I grew two sizes in my behind. I joked that it looked like I was having twins, one in each cheek. I didn’t look pregnant. I simply looked like I had gained a lot of weight in a short amount of time. My clothing didn’t fit nor could I find flattering maternity clothing.

My hair got frizzy and began to thin in the front. It was far from healthy and lustrous. Initially my skin looked ruddy rather than glowing.

By the time my morning sickness ended I was left feeling large and bloated. I, all but ceased exercising save for intermittent walks here and there. Oddly I couldn’t stand music on my headphones or in the car during my pregnancy. I took walks in silence and thought mostly about how cruddy I felt.

Pregnant Mind

I felt conflicted all the time. I was supposed to love being pregnant, right? I didn’t really. I was supposed to feel radiant. Well I definitely didn’t. I mean don’t get me wrong I loved what was going on inside my body. I loved every flutter and kick. I adored talking to my baby. Orlando and I decided not to find out the sex of the baby, yet all along I felt very strongly that I was having a boy. We didn’t care either way.

I did my absolute best to put on a good face when others asked me how I was feeling. I lied a lot. I said what I knew everyone wanted to hear…”I feel great!”

Pregnant Pause

By the time I actually began to look pregnant I had tipped the scales at well over 200 pounds. My legs and feet were swollen. My face was round and chubby. I hated the way I looked despite the joy I felt about becoming a mother.

Working nights gave me a lot of time to think during the day when I was home alone. I was angry with myself for allowing my weight and body image issues to be intertwined with my pregnancy. I knew I should have committed myself pre-pregnancy to achieving a healthy body weight. Fortunately my pregnancy was uneventful and healthy despite my weight.

I have never loved anyone as much as I did this baby growing inside me. I knew I had only one more chance to confront my weight issues and at last commit to a healthy lifestyle once my child was born.

A Gift from God

I’m sorry to say I never grew to love my pregnant body. I cried when I became unable to tie my shoes. I was frustrated that I was reduced to a select few articles of clothing including a pair of unbuttoned non-maternity plus size jeans. At my last OB/Gyn appointment just 5 days before I gave birth I weighed 223 pounds. I had gained exactly 40 pounds during the pregnancy. I was very unhappy about those numbers.

Despite the disdain with which I viewed my body I never once felt anything but amazement and adoration for my baby. After the muffin incident my husband embraced the changes in my body through the eyes of a loving husband and soon-to-be father.

After nearly 18 hours of labor and a Pitocin drip I had only dilated to 2 centimeters. There were complications arising and what I thought would be a relatively uneventful delivery turned into an emergency C-section. I have never shunned my body for not being able to deliver naturally. I was too concerned with the health of my baby to care how he came into this world. At 6:29 pm on December 17th I heard the most melodic cry as Carlos entered the world and changed our lives forever.

As a new mother all I wanted was to give my son the most wonderful life imaginable. Little did I know he would be the one to breathe new life into me.

April Shout Out

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Aimee

There are some things I’ve been enjoying lately and I wanted to share them.

I love almond milk and after reading countless blog posts about how super easy it is to make your own I ordered this nut milk bag on Amazon. It is a product from The Raw Food World. Making almond milk really is as easy as everyone says it is. Soak the almonds, blend the almonds with water and any flavoring (cinnamon, vanilla, maple syrup, etc.) then run through the nut milk bag. The bag cleans easily and dries quickly. I understand you can use cheese cloth, but this was well worth the $8.

I won a bag of Cocoa Goodness oat clusters and each of the flavors of Hot Oats from Love Grown Foods in a giveaway at Edible Perspective. The Hot Oats were perfect to bring to work when I didn’t have time to make my dinner. The ingredients are simple, real and unprocessed. Here is the ingredient list for my favorite the apple cinnamon – Certified Gluten-Free Oats, Brown Sugar, Apples, Red Seedless Grapes, Cinnamon. The Hot Oats are lightly sweet and filling and come in 4 different flavors – Strawberry Raspberry, Apple Cinnamon, Blueberry Banana Walnut and Peace Vanilla Almond. Now the oat clusters come in 5 different flavors, but I had to go with the Cocoa Goodness, of course…well I took one bite and hid it from my family so they couldn’t get their hands on it. It was so good. Not only are the products delicious and healthful the company itself is committed to educating children on the importance of food as fuel and eating a healthy breakfast. The creators of Love Grown Foods, Alex and Maddy, are dedicated to working with schools to make healthy foods more affordable. They also have a great back story so stop by and check them out.

Speaking of Edible Perspective, if you haven’t visited Ashley’s blog please do. Her recipes are fantastic and her photos are gorgeous. Last week I made her Simple Smoky Black Bean Burgers with Tomato Corn Pepper Topping and they were a huge hit. They were so good my extremely picky 6 year old actually ate an entire burger.

A few months ago I won a giveaway on Peas and Thank You for a language learning app called Gus on the Go. I want to say a huge thank you to Alice for reaching out to me personally to welcome me to Gus on the Go. I told Alice about our struggle to successfully teach our son Portuguese, the language spoken in Mozambique. Unfortunately Gus on the Go is not yet available in Portuguese so I downloaded the Spanish version as my son is learning Spanish in school and it is similar to Portuguese in grammar structure. Carlos and I love the app. It is very user friendly and promotes learning through fun interactive a. The lessons are building blocks of knowledge expanding from basic vocabulary to more advanced use of the words. They now offer free printable resources to enhance learning. I am looking forward to possibly seeing Portuguese added to the list of 14 languages offered.

Though I received Gus on the Go and Love Grown foods as I gift I was not paid to write about the products. My opinions posted here are entirely my own.

Plattsburgh Half Marathon

Posted on April 24, 2013 by Aimee

Last week was downright gloomy; from the tragic events at the Boston Marathon to the strange weather all week. My son was on school vacation and that automatically changes the flow of our lives. I did not work out at all from Monday through Friday. Instead of tracking my food in Spark People like I usually do I resorted to pen and paper and did not bother to count calories. My weight was all over the place thanks to some water retention, lack of attention to my food intake and no exercise. I had so many other things going on sometimes something has to give and unfortunately it was my diet and exercise. Needless to say by Friday I felt pretty badly about myself. I had a long drive to upstate New York where I was going to visit one of my best friends and also to run a half marathon on Sunday, April 21st. I spent much of the drive listening to podcasts from Heather at Half Size Me. Heather has a very inspiring story as do the people she interviews. It was just what I needed to bounce back and stop the negative self-talk.

I haven’t set too many running or fitness goals this year other than to run a race each month. So far I’m doing great with that goal. I ran one race in January, two in February, one in March and now one in April. I have nothing planned for May so I need to figure that out soon. I have a half marathon planned for the beginning of June. I am contemplating a full marathon sometime in the fall, but I’m not sure which one yet. I really want to do the Chicago Marathon, but darned if it doesn’t always fall on my weekend to work.

Anyway back to my most recent half marathon. I signed up for the Plattsburgh Half Marathon a few months ago. Plattsburgh is located near the Adirondack Mountains on the western shores of Lake Champlain and is not far from the Canadian border. My Peace Corps site mate lives there so I’m happy to find any reason to visit the area. Due to other obligations for my husband and son it was decided that I would go alone on this trip. Much as I would miss my guys I haven’t had much alone time in the last 6.5 years so I relished the thought of spending quality time with my friend.

Since I enjoyed a taper week of absolutely no structured exercise I decided to go for a short run on Saturday morning. It was a sunny day though quite breezy and cool. Midmorning I threw on my running shoes and hit the road. My friend lives in a rather rural area. I ran past quaint barns, a log house and lots of open fields. It was a beautiful run. The first half was a steady downhill with the wind at my back. I ran one of my fastest miles ever. Of course the return was not so easy, all uphill and against the wind! Still it felt great to get out there, stretch my legs and remember why I love running so much.

The weather in Plattsburgh was crazy on Saturday. It went from sunny and breezy to cloudy and really windy to snow by the night time. Yet my weather app was still showing temps in the 30s-40s and sun for Sunday.

The race was on Sunday at 8 a.m. so as I was getting ready that morning I popped on the race’s Facebook page and was thrilled to see the weather update was indeed calling for a sunny, wind free day. I got ready and headed over to the starting area. Normally I take a photo with my son, but since he wasn’t with me I asked someone to take one of me. I don’t save my bibs so this is my remembrance.

Before running the Plattsburgh Half Marathon

I did my best to represent Boston. There were lots of runners on the course with their Boston paraphernalia on as well as spectators. In the minutes before the race began there was a moment of silence dedicated to those that were injured or lost their lives at the Boston Marathon. It was a somber moment. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. Truthfully I didn’t think anything would happen that day in Plattsburgh, but it seems like lately nowhere is safe. I was particularly concerned about my friend and her family coming to the finish line. I don’t ever want to feel responsible for putting others into danger. I tried to convince her to stay home.

As always with races I set goals. The ultimate goal is to finish and have fun doing the race. Then there are those personal goals that have to do with time and speed. I’ve been running strong in the last couple of months. My speed has improved and I’ve noticed my endurance growing stronger. I think this is in part due to strength training, stretching and yoga. However, given how I was feeling about myself throughout the week the only personal goal reasonable was to try to beat my last half marathon time even if only by a second.

My last half marathon was the Lake Placid North Elba Half Marathon back in September. I ran it in 2:10:12. I just reread my post on this race and remembered how proud I was of my accomplishment.

I did something a little different at the start of the Plattsburgh Half. Instead of relegating myself to the back of the pack I lined up in the back of the 9 minute mile pace group. The race started and off we went. The beginning of the course had us running on a bike trail along Lake Champlain. The views were gorgeous. We ran through the city and eventually through residential neighborhoods. There were spectators out cheering for us which is always wonderful. I especially loved the children at mile 6 who were handing out water on their front lawn. Running a half or full marathon is a fantastic way to see a new place. In the last few miles of the race we ran over a bridge and through an area with gorgeous old homes and then back down near the lake. The weather could not have been more perfect, sunny, cool, but no wind.

As much as I enjoyed the scenery throughout the race I had a lot going on in my head. Running is my time to sort through things, feelings, emotions, stress, etc. I have a friend who is going through an exceptionally trying battle with cancer. I want to show her that I’m fighting for her. I want to be there as a support. I want her to know that I love her and I know she will beat this. Already I’m in awe of how she is triumphing over this hurdle. She has an infectious positive attitude. Her strength and courage are unmatched by anyone I know. I thought about her the most as I ran this race. For so many years I told myself I couldn’t…couldn’t lose weight, couldn’t excel in any sort of sport, couldn’t, couldn’t, couldn’t. I was full of negativity and self-degradation. I loathed running for most of my life. The thought of doing it for enjoyment was ridiculous.

Running, ironically, has breathed new life into me. It has become my saving grace when I need to process “life” so to speak. It is my “me time.” It refreshes me, revives me and makes me feel strong. Though I have made peace with the treadmill I seek the freshness of running outdoors. I love the warmth of the sun on my arms and face. I even love the cool crisp air of a winter run. If I don’t run for a few days I actually miss it and crave it. Running has also made me somewhat competitive against myself. When I first started running I was weary of these PRs I heard other runners talk about. Oh great if I improve my time during this race then I have to keep improving it, I thought. That’s a lot of pressure. Yes and it’s also really exciting and motivating.

While running Plattsburgh I pushed myself. My breathing was not easy as it sometimes becomes during a run. It was always just a little bit labored, not uncomfortable, but I was aware that I was working hard. I don’t wear my Garmin to race and there were no time clocks along the route. I really had no idea how I was doing time wise.

I kept thinking about my friend. If she could fight this fight that her body is making her fight then I could push my body too. We are strong, stronger than we give ourselves credit for both in sickness and in health. I was running this race for my friend. Someday she will run with me. Every time I wanted to slow down or back off I thought about how my friend cannot slow down her fight so instead I picked up the pace.

I smiled every step of the way as I ran. I was so proud to be running out of support for Boston and silently out of support for my friend whether she knew it or not. This race supports Team Fox which donates all proceeds to Parkinson’s Research and I was especially proud to be a part of the race for that reason as well. The friend I was visiting has a close relative suffering from Parkinson’s.

As I entered the U.S. Oval of the old air force base for the last lap of the race I felt a surge of energy fill me and I started running as fast as I could. Then I saw the friend I was visiting. Darn her for coming out despite my pleas not to, but at the same time I was really overjoyed to see her. Then I spotted the time clock which from a distance almost certainly read 2:08. Oh my goodness that was much better than I expected. I started sprinting and as I got closer I realized that the 8 was actually a 3. 2:03?! No way. NO WAY! No that must be wrong. Seriously!

Yes seriously 2:03:52 was my official finish time. I beat my last half marathon time by over 6 minutes. I teared up as the race volunteer placed the medal over my head.

Plattsburgh Half Marathon Finisher

“Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.” -Oprah Winfrey

The Calm Before the Storm

Posted on April 15, 2013 by Aimee

This photo was taken just minutes before Rita Jeptoo of Kenya crossed the nearby finish line of the 117th Boston Marathon. It was a beautiful day today, cool and crisp, but sunny; a perfect day for a long run.

Carlos and I were standing just behind the metal barricades on Exeter Street, a mere stone’s throw from Boylston Street just ahead where you see the line of yellow jacketed people. That is the Lenox Hotel awning to the left. Although we could catch a glimpse of the elite runners as they neared the finish line, we mostly watched on the big screen in the distance. The mood, as always, was exciting. Boston is a buzz with energy on this day each year. Besides the marathon, the Red Sox play a mid-morning game on the same day.

By now you probably know how this day ended. If not visit this link. Thankfully Carlos and I left around 1:15 to return to my sister’s office in South Boston for lunch. We were on our way out of the city at 3 when my sister called to tell me about the explosions at the finish line of the marathon.

I’ve listened to and seen as much coverage as I can bear. My heart breaks for all those affected by this senseless tragedy. I’m so blessed to be home safe with my little boy. My thoughts and prayers go out to Boston.

Running up a mountain

Posted on April 3, 2013 by Aimee

I posted this on Facebook yesterday to one of my co-workers:

A while ago you suggested that I try running up Skinner Mountain to change up my running routine. I did it! I’m pretty sure I won’t be as excited tomorrow when I can’t sit down. — at J. A. Skinner State Park.

I totally threw my arms in the air, a la Rocky, when I reached the top. I may have even thrown a little fist pump out there. No one was watching, but frankly I don’t think I would have cared if there was a crowd of people.

I’m really bored with my typical running routes. The weather has been weird and cold even when the forecast calls for a sunny day in the 50s. I feel like I’ve worn out my welcome at the gym and although the treadmill and I have grown to tolerate each other I am so tired of looking at the same walls, same people, same TV screens and same digital display of the treadmill. So yesterday I decided to shake things up a bit. Work has been particularly trying lately thanks to one particular patient. I work on a locked psych unit so it takes me A LOT to say that my patience is being tried at work. I needed to release some tension so I made up my mind to run the mountain and I refused to think of anything else until I made it to the top.

I got out of my car, stretched out a bit and took off. I’m not quite ready for steep trail running so I played it safe and ran the paved road that circles the mountain up to the summit. Now we’re not talking the Rockies people. This is the western most peak in the Holyoke Range which is also part of the 100 mile Metacomet trail system. The mountain itself is actually called Mount Holyoke which is home to J.A. Skinner State Park. I have also heard it referred to as Skinner Mountain. It rises 935 feet which is roughly three quarters of a mile, but in taking the road my total distance up was 1.75 miles. I ran every bit of the way up without stopping. I pushed hard, my breathing was heavy, but my legs powered on. The road curves and the hills come sharper and steeper as you near the summit.

Like I said, this is not Kilimanjaro, but wow what a great workout. My legs were on fire by the time I reached the top, but that good on fire feeling that makes you feel strong and alive. I cooled down a bit while strolling around the summit enjoying the view of the Connecticut River valley.

My legs are definitely feeling it today, but again in a good way. I can still sit and even felt great during some speed training this morning. I can’t wait to do it again though. There is another similar mountain I am hoping to try soon. I love when I find new ways to infuse more fun and variety into my workouts.

I also came away from this experience with a new appreciation for my legs. Biz wrote a post about loving her ass (if you don’t read Biz you should because her post titles alone will make you smile!) this morning and she asked her readers to comment on which part of their body they are going to embrace today. I haven’t commented yet, but my answer is my legs. For most of my life I have hated my legs. I have thought really mean things about them. I have looked at them with disgust. I have cursed them and cried about them. Despite the weight I have lost, my legs are still large. They are not as large anymore. I can even admit that my hips have slimmed down a bit. Remember my body is a classic Anjou pear shape, small on top and very voluptuous on the bottom with the largest area being the butt, hips and thighs. Oh how I’ve loathed my lower half for so long.

Like Biz, my husband has always loved me and my body no matter what size. He is quite pleased with how I’m beginning to feel about my body though he doesn’t understand my feelings about my legs, bootie and hips. He quite likes them. After running that mountain yesterday I saw my legs in a new light. I appreciate more about them the more I accomplish through my fitness endeavors, but yesterday I was thankful for them. They are strong and powerful. They do not let me down. They have helped me move faster and achieve goals I never even knew I had. So today I am embracing my legs.

While Biz embraces her ass and I embrace my legs what body part will you be embracing today? (Biz I hope it’s ok if I stole your question?!)

Unapologetic

Posted on March 24, 2013 by Aimee

I eat a healthy diet full of fruits and vegetables. My meals are vibrant in color and nutrition. I recently eliminated caffeine, processed foods, added sugar, dairy and gluten from my diet for a three week cleanse. It was not a colon cleanse. I did eat a fulfilling plant based diet. I won’t get into the details, but suffice it to say the initial days were challenging. However, what followed was a feeling of lightness and clarity in both body and mind.

I slowly added things back into my diet though I have decided to remain dairy and caffeine free. Processed and packaged foods are very limited in my home anyway, but I will continue to monitor for added sugar and added preservatives in my food. I don’t eat bread regularly nor do I seem to identify with a gluten allergy so I’m not going to be overly vigilant about gluten right now.

I feel fantastic. My sugar cravings have nearly disappeared save for hormonal times of the month. I am more energetic throughout my overnight shift despite the lack of caffeine. My husband keeps complimenting my skin. My hair feels softer and is easier to manage. My workouts have been very productive. I’m tackling organizational projects around the house, slowly but surely.

Here’s the thing…I love the way I am eating these days. I’ve come a long way from the girl who didn’t eat vegetables until age 25. However, I am not immune to the occasional craving and desire for something other than a salad. Today I was hungry. Nothing was bothering me. Nothing was on my mind. I feel fine. I just had a taste for something different. Is it a coincidence that I am mid-cycle? I’m not sure, but I will keep an eye on it next month to see if there is a trend. TMI? Sorry.

I made banana muffins with dark chocolate chips and I helped myself to some extra chocolate chips along the way. I’m not sure how many I ate, but there are still some left in the bag. – I’m not sorry.

I prepared a gorgeous salad for a dinner with friends tonight. To go with it I made a Tahini Dill dressing and I helped myself to a taste or two or five. – I’m not sorry.

I ate a banana muffin warm from the oven. The chocolate chips were melty. The muffin was delicious. – I’m not sorry.

Later I shared an apple with Carlos only I had mine with some peanut butter. – I’m really not sorry.

I didn’t eat a healthy nutritious lunch today because I enjoyed the above indulgences. – I’m not sorry.

We had dinner with friends tonight. We haven’t seen each other in ages. There was lots of chatter and laughter. So nice to reconnect. I brought the salad and a quinoa dish to share. They served salmon, potatoes and rice. I enjoyed my dinner and ate until I felt satisfied. For dessert I enjoyed a clementine and grapes. – I’m most definitely not sorry.

Other than writing it out here I didn’t journal my food or count calories. Oh and I didn’t measure or weigh anything either. – I’m not sorry.

I’ve been on a diet for most of my life. I’ve both restricted and binged at different times. I’ve made significant changes over the last few years that have helped me lose weight and keep it off. These changes have become my lifestyle. They are not fleeting fads that I try for a while only to toss them to the wayside when a new diet trend comes on the scene. I do realize that I’ve been a bit strict lately with the cleanse and beyond in an effort to break through a 6 month plateau, but today I eased up on myself guilt free.

You see I didn’t fall off the proverbial wagon. This is not day one of a downward spiral back to obesity. Tomorrow I return to my healthy habits, food journaling and portion control. I was conscious of my actions today. I did not sabotage my weight loss efforts or my health. Today I took care of myself in a way that at one time would have seemed almost naughty and would have been followed up with self-inflicted punishment in the form of negative self-talk, extreme measures such as fasting which never lasted more than a day, excess exercise and new diet rules.

How do I know for sure that tomorrow won’t be repeat of today? Because I have learned to trust myself.

I don’t usually share recipes here, but this is a tried and true recipe. This is a banana muffin I have been using for a long time now; so long I can’t remember where it comes from, but I’ve adapted it along the way to accommodate my dietary changes. It’s a super easy recipe and really flexible with whatever you might have on hand. I hope you try these muffins some time. I don’t think you’ll be sorry.

Unapologetic Banana Muffins

Ingredients

1/4 cup sugar (any kind)
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour (or other flour – today I used spelt flour and they turned out really light and fluffy)
2 tablespoons olive oil (or other vegetable oil)
1/4 cup 1% milk (or nondairy milk – I use almond milk)
2 medium bananas, mashed (around 1 cup)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup raisins and/or nuts, chocolate chips, dried fruit

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 375º F.

2. Measure sugar, baking soda, salt and flour into a bowl. Stir well to combine ingredients.

3. Add oil, milk, mashed bananas and vanilla; mix just until flour is moistened.

4. Fold in raisins.

5. Use a non-stick muffin pan, or muffin papers. Fill muffin cups 2/3 full with batter.

6. Bake 15-20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from pan right away.

Makes 6 large or 12 small muffins. One muffin per serving.

Enjoy!

Road Race

Posted on March 18, 2013 by Aimee

Affectionately know as “the road race,” the Holyoke St. Patrick’s 10K Road Race is a wildly popular race for runners and non-runners alike. Irish runner and Olympic gold medalist, John Treacy, was quoted as saying, “This race came at an ideal time. It’s a great course – a miniature Boston. There were a lot of people out there watching considering the weather. I guess this town goes crazy for St. Patrick’s Day.” Holyoke does indeed go crazy for St. Patrick’s Day. In fact the celebration begins days before with local bars hosting Irish music, restaurants offering corn beef and cabbage, people putting out their chairs early for the famed St. Patrick’s Day parade and four leaf clovers being freshly painted on the streets.

I’m not Irish and I never really got into the spirit before. Last year I decided to run the road race for the first time and I will tell you it’s pretty hard not to get swept up in the excitement. Now I’m not a beer drinker and I don’t eat meat so wearing green to the road race is about as festive as it gets for me. I’ve run in a number of races at this point and not one comes close to the spectator support as this one. There are people cheering, holding up signs and banners throughout the entire 6.2 miles. People hand out water and Gatorade from their driveways. Some even offer up beer! Most runners wear something green. Some have wild get ups on including the person running in a full Gumby costume, the man in the tutu, a few with kilts, and the two men carrying flags one Irish and one American. The demographics of this race run the gamut from children, people pushing strollers, elderly, middle aged and everything in between, big, small, short and tall. I know people who run once a year and this is it.

I had to work this past weekend, but this race doesn’t begin until 1 p.m. so I was able to rest for a few hours before. Unfortunately I slept right through the kids fun run which Carlos was planning to do because I thought it started at noon instead of 11. He was disappointed for about 5 minutes. I was moving at a snail’s pace because the weather was chilly. I had no desire to stand out in the cold so we ended up making it to the race with 15 minutes to spare. You can read my post from last year detailing the parking situation. It’s insane! We actually parked in the same place which is almost as close as our house is to the race and high tailed it over to the starting area. Carlos and I took our pre-race photo.

Holyoke Road Race 2013

Yes I’m wearing the same shirt as last year. I bought a new green shirt and when I put it on I didn’t like it. I only own one other green shirt and this is it. I also had green sparkly nail polish on just for fun.

I weaved my way through the crowd of spectators to get to the start. There were so many runners I never made it to the actual starting area. I was off to the side with everyone else who couldn’t make it. It was a bit claustrophobic as we awaited the starting gun. I never actually heard it, but eventually there was movement and we merged into the starting line. Minutes went by before we actually crossed the starting line at a slow walk. From there it was like we were a herd of cattle. You step on people’s feet, bump arms and start and stop constantly. It’s a bit frustrating if you’re there to run. Eventually I hopped onto the sidewalk with others and found a rhythm although it continued to be a lot of on and off the sidewalk.

The weather was perfect running weather, 30s-40s, no wind and overcast. Given the sheer size of this race, nearly 6,000 runners, I had no time goals other than to maybe do better than my time at last year’s race which was 1:01:35. My current 10K PR is 56:10. I ran my heart out like I always do. I felt great throughout the race. This course ends on an slight uphill which makes that final push a little challenging, but I ran as fast as my legs would take me down the last .2 miles toward the finish line. Much to my surprise my clock time was right around my time from last year which meant an even better chip time given the amount of time it took to get to the starting line.

My official finish time was 57:08!! Not a PR, but a totally awesome improvement from last year’s time.

Skin Deep: Mind Shift

Posted on March 14, 2013 by Aimee

As I ended the last post in this series I had recently embarked on a path to a career change from educator to nurse. After completing my pre-requisite classes in the spring of 2004 I was accepted into a two year Associate’s Degree Nursing program at Springfield Technical Community College. For clarification I am an RN. At the end of nursing school, Associate’s trained and Bachelor’s trained nurses all take the same licensing exam, the NCLEX, and obtain the same RN license. There is generally no difference in pay as a hospital floor nurse. However, without the BSN it is difficult to move into managerial or administrative positions. I decided that since I already had Bachelor’s Degrees and zero interest in management I would save the money and just do the ADN.

In the fall of 2004 the program began. I was accepted into the evening program with class from 5pm-9pm. This allowed me to continue working during the day. Cramming a nursing degree into 2 years meant getting off to a running start. Weight wise I was in the 170s which had come to be my baseline. I wore a size 14. I didn’t feel great, but I was used to being this size. This was probably my most common size since age 15. The first semester of nursing school I maintained a vigorous workout routine along with work and classes. My weight probably went from high 170s to low 170s possibly even high 160s. I felt great as long as the numbers on the scale went down. A couple of people I knew in my prerequisite classes noticed the change and commented. Of course that made me feel wonderful, but as usual the feeling was fleeting.

By second semester I had formed a study group with two other women in my class. We became great friends and spent long hours studying in the Barnes & Noble (Starbucks) cafe. A tip for anyone in school, you can spend all day using any study guide at Barnes & Noble. You do not have to buy anything and they will not kick you out! However, I did buy things like lattes and muffins. If you frequent Starbucks and are trying to lose weight do yourself a favor and check out the nutritional values of their products. It’s astonishing. I hadn’t enlightened myself to this information so between the study snacks, my already not so healthy diet, and less time to exercise my weight crept up.

Nursing school was busy and stressful. My program was very competitive and keeping my grades as high as possible was crucial to success. Clinical days were wrought with anxiety of the unknown. This was all unchartered territory for me. I was way outside my comfort zone. My weight fluctuated with these emotions and back into the high 170s I went.

Upon returning to school in fall 2005 after our summer break I had not made any progress in losing weight despite my daily affirmations that today was the day. I had hoped to return to school transformed like a winning contestant on the Biggest Loser, but I returned as the same old, heavy set, awkward, uncomfortable me. Two of my classmates, however, did make stunning transformations over the summer break. They lost a great deal of weight and looked fantastic. I remember congratulating them through gritted teeth. Jealousy coursed through my veins with an angry vengeance. When would I be the one to lose the weight? Why can’t I do it? What’s wrong with me? These were just a few of the thoughts that ran through my mind.

My second year in nursing school was an emotional roller coaster. Classes and clinical were much more difficult. I worked two part-time jobs and did internships during the summer break and winter break between fall and spring semesters of my last year. I ate out a lot, kept a case of Diet Coke in my car at all times and my work outs ceased. By January 2006 my weight was in the 180s. I knew I needed help. So for the third time in my life I joined Weight Watchers in February 2006. I managed to lose a few pounds. I believe I got down to 178 before bouncing back up to 183 in April. I will never forget that weight, 183 pounds.

I was 32 years old in my last year of nursing school. My husband and I decided that it was time to start thinking about having a baby. We had bought a house right at the end of my first year of nursing school. I was feeling ready (and by ready I mean I cried watching a Baby Story on TLC every day!). Our home and hearts were ready for a child.

So on January 1, 2006 I went off the pill. I had gone on birth control pills at age 20 to manage erratic premenstrual mood swings, cramps and heavy periods. It took one cycle to regulate my period after the pill. On Easter Sunday in 2006, I was cranky and whining about how it would probably take forever to get pregnant because I was old ~~and dramatic~~. Two days later sitting in class looking at my calendar for the week I realized I was late for my period. I wanted to jump out of my seat and race home, but I had to endure the rest of a rather boring cardiac lecture. I bought a pregnancy test on my way home and took it immediately upon arriving home. It was positive. I took another one in the morning to make sure, and just like that our lives changed forever. We were elated, over the moon, but something nagged at me. I wasn’t where I hoped I would be both mentally and physically when I got pregnant.

My weight at my first OB/Gyn pregnancy visit was 183 pounds. In the back of my mind I knew that I would have to take better care of myself for me and my child. As I neared the end of nursing school I felt like a hypocrite. Who was I to be dispensing information about how to be healthy if I couldn’t maintain a healthy body weight?

By the time I graduated from nursing school I was heavier than I had been in a while. I was increasingly uncomfortable in my clothing. I had to wear a white scrub top and bottoms to our pinning ceremony. There is nothing worse than having to wear all white when you are overweight. I felt so self-conscious sitting there in my snug uniform. I couldn’t exactly blame it on baby weight yet.

I was angry with myself that I allowed myself to continue on this path of self-sabotage. I was concerned that I didn’t have the self-control to change my habits permanently. I was sad that I felt so negative about myself. I knew then that I couldn’t keep bouncing up and down like a yo-yo; something had to change permanently. Looking back now I can see that this was the first time my mentality shifted from weight loss to health and wellness. I still yearned for weight loss, but what I wanted more than anything was to be alive for many years to come.

I knew what I wanted and what I needed to do to get it, I just had to believe in myself and do it. This is, of course, easier said than done.

“Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” George Bernard Shaw

The Toughest Job You’ll Ever Love

Posted on March 1, 2013 by Aimee

While still in my undergraduate years at the University of Massachusetts Amherst I decided I wanted to join the Peace Corps. I was young, idealistic with a penchant for traveling and not a clue what I really wanted to do with my life. I finished my undergraduate degrees in History and Spanish after spending an incredible semester abroad in Taxco, Mexico studying a little and mostly exploring as much of Mexico as I could get to on the cheapest buses possible. Oh how I loved Mexico. It is a gorgeous country with an incredibly rich and colorful history. I visited places like Palenque and San Cristobal in Chiapas, Oaxaca City, the Puuc Route on the Yucatan, Guadalajara, Guanajuato, Puebla, the quaint colonial town of San Miguel de Allende and of course pyramids at Teotihuacan just outside of Mexico City. I lived with a Mexican family for part of my semester. I became a part of life in Taxco as opposed to just being a tourist. I knew I wanted more of this type of experience.

Upon my return from Mexico in June 1996 and after literally crying for weeks because I missed it so much I decided I would set the wheels in motion to apply for Peace Corps. The amount of time it takes to get into Peace Corps varies for each volunteer. For me it was an 18 month process including an in person interview in Boston, a complete medical and dental screening, background check, paperwork and more paperwork.

Typically once you are cleared by medical and dental you receive an invitation to serve in a particular country with a program that fits your qualifications. I knew I would be teaching English and could be sent anywhere in the world except the area I most wanted to go, Latin America. The reason being, there are no English teaching programs in Latin America. Despite popular belief that Peace Corps just barrels into third world countries and imposes its authority, the country actually selects the program. I was told that I could be considered for a position in Bolivia if per chance I had bee keeping skills. Um no I don’t! In retrospect that was a blessing in disguise.

My course did not go quite the way it usually goes. I was actually rejected by dental, but was unaware because I never received the envelope they sent me complete with my dental x-rays and instructions of how to proceed. Instead I called to check the status of my application and was told that I was being invited to serve in Armenia. It is almost unheard of to be told of your invitation over the phone, but sure enough the invitation arrived in the mail later that week. In the meantime I had numerous conversations with the dental unit. Turned out I had an old root canal that needed to be repaired because it was done incorrectly years prior.

Peace Corps is very sensitive about sending volunteers to post with any outstanding dental issues because historically dental care in third world countries is either very poor or nonexistent. I quickly set out to have the issue repaired so I could meet the deadline for my service in Armenia. It was March 1998 when I received my invitation for the group leaving in May 1998. After a few trips to my incompetent, money-sucking, smelly dentist (sorry but it’s true) it was determined that I needed periodontal surgery done by a specialist. The periodontal surgery cost a mighty penny considering I had no dental insurance and was making a pittance at my job as an administrative assistant at UMass. In the end I had to back out of the invitation to serve in Armenia because dental refused to clear me until they received word from the periodontist that I was completely healed. About 2 weeks after the group left for Armenia I was cleared by dental.

Truth be told, I was not distraught about missing out on the opportunity to travel to Armenia. Through my research on the country I learned that winters were extremely harsh and people subsisted on cabbage and potatoes. I was in contact with a few Peace Corps Volunteers already in Armenia thanks to the budding internet back in 1998. I am certain I would have been just fine, but it never really felt like the place I was supposed to go.

In my job at UMass I did a lot of work with the Afro-American studies department including coordinating trips for my boss to Durban, South Africa where he was involved with a scholarship organization to help young black South Africans study here in the U.S. One morning I called my recruiter at the Peace Corps headquarters in D.C. His name was Dan. He was very nice to talk to and seemed supportive of my situation. He said he would do his best to get me another invitation as soon as possible, but he couldn’t promise me anything because they had just evacuated 4 countries due to political strife. His priority was to re-assign any volunteers interested in going elsewhere. I understood completely. I would want Peace Corps to do the same for me if I were in that situation. However, Dan made the grave mistake of letting me in on a little secret about a new program Peace Corps was opening in Mozambique in October 1998, just 4 months away. OK it probably wasn’t a huge secret, but I was instantly intrigued. I had heard of Mozambique and knew a little about the country because of my boss’ travels in Southern Africa. I begged Dan to tell me more. I told him I wanted to go, had to go there. He then apologized for getting my hopes up and told me there was no way I would be included in the inaugural group of Peace Corps Volunteers being sent to Mozambique.

Dan didn’t really know me. I hung up and called my boss immediately. We wrote a kick ass letter about why I should indeed be sent to Mozambique and I faxed it almost instantaneously. I waited and heard nothing. So I made a firm decision, if Peace Corps wasn’t going to send me to Mozambique then I wasn’t going to join Peace Corps. I had already done some research on teaching opportunities in Central America. I had applications on hand and I was prepared to act. I wasn’t trying to prove a point. I simply wanted to move on with my life. I needed to get out there and see the world. I was almost 25 years old and I knew the clock was ticking on my student loans.

After waiting long enough I called Dan. I thanked him for all of his help and told him that I understood he had a job to do, but I also had a life to live and at that point I had put my life on hold for almost 15 months. I told him I was incredibly disappointed about not being selected for the Mozambique program and although I would graciously accept an invitation anywhere I had to proceed with other plans at that time. I left the door open by saying that should an invitation arrive before I pack my bags I will most certainly consider it. That afternoon I received a call from Dan inviting me to serve in the first group of Peace Corps Volunteers ever to serve in Mozambique. I was in my office at UMass. I remember jumping up and down with such delight. I celebrated after work with my co-worker/friend/mentor who just so happened to be a Returned Peace Corps Volunteer herself.

A week before I left for Mozambique my mother brought the mail in and handed me a large manila envelope. It looked worn and old. It had the Peace Corps logo and return address. I knew what was inside. It was the package dental had sent to me nearly 10 months early with my X-rays. The package had arrived but got stuck behind mailboxes at my mother’s condo complex. We laughed about it and decided there must be some great reason why I was going to Mozambique. Little did I know.

In October 1998, I left with two big duffle bags and a carry on for what would become one of the greatest adventures of my life as well as my destiny. Why am I telling you this story today? Well it just so happens to be Peace Corps Week and part of the goal of Peace Corps is to bring our stories back home to the U.S. During the month of February I am often invited to speak to local girl scout troops as part of their World Learning Day celebrations. I did only one presentation this year. I’m always happy to share my experience. It’s been 10 years since I returned home to the U.S. and I miss it everyday.

Bilene Beach, Mozambique