There’s a National day for just about everything so why not running! It’s certainly bittersweet this year for me. It’s been 41 days since I last run. I am feeling much better finally. I’m pain free and walking normally so I decided that in honor of National Running Day I would make today my return to running. I stretched, foam rolled, did some high knees and lunges and out the door I went. I walked for a few minutes to warm up and then I began to jog slowly. I made it about 7 minutes down the road before I noticed some pressure in my heel. It didn’t hurt, but I’m not going to risk re-insuring myself so I turned around and walked home. That’s it for today. Maybe in a couple of days I’ll try again and make it 10 minutes. Maybe not. I am determined to listen to my body. I will continue to take care of myself and treat my injury to heal properly. My post run care includes ice, Motrin, more stretching and rolling.

I forced a smile on the way home, but honestly the conversation inside my head went a little something like this:

Can you believe 6 weeks ago you were running 50+ miles a week? You were training for your 4th marathon. I’m basically starting over again. How will I ever build up the endurance? How long will it take to run without any twinges of injury? When will this end?

It will be an interesting transition from being injured to training again and after today I’m prepared for a long process. The theme of my life right now and my meditation mantra is simply patience.

So Happy National Running Day! Get out there and go for a RUN!!

Last year was my year to PR. It was an awesome running year for me. I challenged myself, pushed myself and I was rewarded with a PR in every distance I raced. I’ve been in a serious funk all winter long, but as the winter turns to spring I feel my energy rising and my spirit beginning to soar again. I know my posts have been a bit gloomy lately. I’m not here to bring anyone down, but it helped me considerably to write out what I was feeling over the past few months. For those of you who continue to read my posts and especially those who commented with words of encouragement, thank you so very much. Your words really helped.

I set two running goals this year. One is to run a 50 mile ultra marathon. This will most likely happen in September. The second goal is to run a sub-2 hour half marathon. At the close of 2013 my half marathon PR was 2:02:22. Shaving off almost 3 minutes is not an easy feat for me especially when it means going from running an average pace of 9:22/mile to a 9:09/mile average pace. My legs are big and short and as of late they just don’t seem to want to move very quickly despite keeping up with speed work and tempo runs.

Marathon training is in full swing. I am really enjoying the plan I’m following. It is a very nice balance of running, strength and yoga. My goal for this marathon was to run fewer days during the week so that I could maintain cross training throughout marathon training.

On Sunday, April 6th, I ran the Harvard Pilgrim Half Marathon in Middletown, CT, home of Weslyan University which just happens to be the alma mater of running legends Amby Burfoot, Jeff Galloway and Bill Rodgers. All three were there on Sunday to run the Legends 4 mile race. They were hanging out, taking photos with runners and chatting. There was a long line for a photo so I just snapped one of the guys posing with someone else! They seemed to be really fun, personable and genuinely enjoying the event.

The Running Legends

The Legends with a fan

The three men met while students at Weslyan University. Ambrose “Amby” Burfoot won the Boston Marathon in 1968 during his senior year at Weslyan. Burfoot is also well known as a running journalist and former editor-in-chief of Runner’s World Magazine. Bill Rodgers is a four time winner of the Boston Marathon. He is an established professional runner and world record holder at various times during his career. He authored the book “Marathon Man,” started the Bill Rodgers Running Center in Boston’s famed Faneuil Hall in 1977 with his brother Charlie, and continues to do appearances at various running events. The Bill Rodgers Running Center recently closed its doors in Boston, but continues to operate online.

Having the “legends” there made the race a little more exciting than usual. The day was spectacular given the ridiculously cold temperatures and erratic weather that has made me feel like winter will never end this year. Unfortunately I had to attend the race alone. Carlos had a birthday party to attend mid-day, the race was about an hour away and it was a late 11:30 a.m. start. The race was scheduled as part of my marathon training so I considered it to be my long run for the week.

Before the half marathon and Legends 4 miler began there was a short Kids Race. It was awesome because most of the kids wore super hero capes. They were so stinking cute. The race started on Middletown’s quaint Main Street.

At the starting line on Main Street

I found a place in the crowd and started to mentally prepare myself for the race. Ironically the 2 hour pacer got in line to my right. I was actually kind of stunned to see her there because I have never been able to locate the pacers at the start of race and only occasionally have I seen them during a race. This was my first half marathon of the year. I considered it a long training run and although I always aim to run my best race, PR if I can, I didn’t quite feel prepared to run a sub-2 hour half marathon. As I mentioned my training had been less than stellar up to this point. I wasn’t feeling great physically or mentally about running. I felt a little knot in my stomach as the race started and I decided at that moment to really “run” this race.

I began slightly ahead of the 2 hour pacer. I was hoping to give myself a little room between us so I could guarantee a sub-2 hour finish. The course immediately headed up a large hill. The hills kept coming, one after another and then we repeated a hilly section. I hung on ahead of the pacer for the first 4 miles or so. Somewhere between mile 5 she pulled ahead of me at a water stop. My legs were on fire from the hill work. I knew I went out too fast and really didn’t have it in me to keep up the pace I had been running. Since I don’t wear my Garmin I wasn’t sure how fast that was, but my legs sensed the intensity.

I managed to catch up to the pacer and stayed as close behind her as I could without stumbling into her. Between miles 5-7 she got further and further away from me. By mile 8 she was a yellow dot in the distance and soon thereafter she disappeared from my sight. I didn’t lose my spirit though. I pushed on knowing I was still running my best race. At mile 9 I noticed the time clock and instantly went into mental math mode. Some quick calculations let me know that I could still finish in under two hours if I could keep up my pace. I was a bit confused, but decided to go for it.

For some reason the miles flew by. It was a pretty course and the day had actually grown warm. I was enjoying the new scenery and the weather. I felt better on that day than I had in months. I dug really deep in those last 4 miles. The hills were not as frequent, but continued nonetheless. Although I was unfamiliar with the course I knew we were coming towards the end as we looped past the Weslyan campus again and turned left down the hill we conquered at the very beginning of the race.

I tore down that hill like a cheetah. I pumped my legs as fast as they could go and breathlessly turned right back onto Main Street. Sprint finishes are not my strong suit, but I was so determined to fight to this finish that I sprinted as fast as my legs could go. When, at last, I caught sight of the time clock tears sprung into my eyes when I noticed the 1 at the beginning of the time. I was so damn proud of myself in that moment. I did it! I finally reached my goal of running a sub-2 hour half marathon. This was supposed to be a warm up half marathon to gauge my pace and my progress. I honestly never expected to PR let alone hit my goal. I was beyond amazed at my finish time of 1:58:30!!! I still am!

As I passed through the finish chute tears clouded my vision. I felt a surge of emotions for different reasons. I almost always tear up a bit at the end of a PR race, but this was really special to me. It has been a silent goal of mine since my first half marathon. I’ve worked very hard for it. I felt a bit of sadness that no one was there to see me finish. However, a woman came up behind me just as I slowed to a walk. She patted me on the back to congratulate me and as I turned she noticed my water filled eyes. I told her I had just accomplished my first sub-2 hour half. The woman and her friend gave me congratulatory high fives. They clearly understood my joy.

Harvard Pilgrim Half Marathon Bib and Medal

I wore my medal and a huge smile all the way home.

I really appreciate the comments on my last post about the issue with my son’s friend. After talking to Carlos we have decided that it’s obviously best not to have Dave over anymore. I have not spoken to Dave’s parents nor do I plan to. My son goes to a very small school. He has a total of 26 kids in his 1st grade class and only 13 in his actual classroom. I know I seem like I have no backbone, but I don’t want to create animosity between myself and other families at school. I can keep Carlos away from Dave outside of school. If there are issues that occur in school then my husband and I will handle it appropriately at that time.

On a different note, I wanted to share some things I’ve been enjoying lately.

1. LG Tone Wireless Headset

This isn’t quite what you think of when it comes to guilty pleasures, but it’s become a favorite gadget. I have had this headset for a while now. I love it. It allows me to listen to music while I’m running, movies and podcasts while I’m cooking in the kitchen or cleaning around the house. I can answer the phone, change the song or pause what I’m listening to with the touch of a button on the headset. I typically hate earbuds, but these stay put accept when I have an exceptionally sweaty workout then they slip out at times. The buds are also very easy to clean as well.

I find the sound quality to be acceptable for my purposes, but I’m no expert on the subject. When I use the headset to talk on the phone I’ve been told it sounds a bit like I’m in a tin can. Oh well you can’t have everything!

LG Tone Wireless Bluetooth Headset

2. Cuddlduds Fleecewear

I’m cold All The Time! My Mom got me a set of the Cuddlduds Fleecewear and they are the best. They are soft, warm and cozy. I wear them to the skating rink on Sundays for Carlos’ skating practice. I wore them skiing. I wear the top to bed often. I will probably get more next winter if I’m still living in the godforsaken north.

Cuddlduds Fleecewear

*I do not look nearly as cute as the model, but I am smiling when I wear my Cuddlduds!!

3. Drop Dead Diva

I don’t watch television. In fact I rarely even go in my living room. It’s pretty much a man cave! I’m ok with it. I gave up on television in nursing school. However, from time to time I throw something on Netflix while I’m cooking or cleaning. Over the last year I’ve watched the first 4 seasons of the Lifetime show Drop Dead Diva. It’s about a lawyer, Jane, whose body becomes inhabited by the soul of a fashion model. It’s not mind blowing or intellectual. It’s a fun show and there are some really positive messages about body image.

Drop Dead Diva

4. Scandal

While waiting for the new season of Drop Dead Diva, I discovered Scandal (thank you Amelia!!). The show features Kerry Washington as Olivia Pope, a Washington D.C. political/legal crisis manager aka a “fixer” of all problems. I actually just read an article in the Miami Herald about the woman who inspired the show, former deputy press secretary to President George H.W. Bush.

Can I just say, Kerry Washington is one stunningly beautiful woman. The show is gripping, smart and well…scandalous!

Scandal

5. Music

My running playlist needs a major revamp, but here are some of the new tunes I’ve added recently.

• Monster by Eminem
• Can’t Remember to Forget You by Shakira and Rhianna
• Love Me Again by John Newman
• Love Don’t Die by The Fray
• Burn by Ellie Goulding
• How I Feel by Flo Rida

What are you listening to? I love to run to music that is really upbeat and fast tempo.

This brings me back to the Love Your Body Challenge. I’m moving through it very slowly, but I’ve found that as I write about these topics I am looking at myself and my body in a new light.

Reason #7 To Love Your Body 7.

Because it can experience pleasure.

Mantra: ”I love my body. It has the ability to bring me immense pleasure in many ways if I can slow down to recognize it.”

Action Step: Take 5 minutes to write down a list of the pleasures, big and small, simple and complex, that you get to experience on a daily basis, while thinking about your mantra.

OK at first I wasn’t going to address this here on the blog. Then I got to thinking about what it really means to have the ability to experience pleasure. As a nurse I am witness to so many people who are unable to experience pleasure. I am so very lucky and grateful to be healthy, mobile and have the ability to use all of my senses.

I am so blessed to have the use of my legs to experience the pleasure that comes from running and exercising. Though I joke sometimes that it might be better for my weight if I had no taste buds, I am grateful for the pleasure that comes from the ability to taste delicious healthful food. Nothing pleases more than a giant hug and snuggles from my son. I feel safe inside the warmth of my husband’s arms. I close my eyes and savor a head massage each time I go to the hair salon. I love the feeling I get on a cool day when the sun’s heat touches my skin. It pleases my eyes when I am treated to a scenic landscape on a hike, a drive or while exploring a new place. The pleasure of scent is taken for granted all too often, but how pleasing to smell the blooms of spring, the crisp fall air, the spicy scents of Thanksgiving, the fresh pine smell of Christmas trees, sheets hung out to dry, my husband’s cologne, and my son all squeaky clean after a bath. My ears perk up when they hear my son’s voice after a long night at work or first thing in the morning. I enjoy the sound of my favorite music, the birds chirping outside right now, babies giggling and waterfalls rushing downstream and the quiet calm of nature on a hike.

This activity reminds me of how often I take the simple things for granted. Life moves so quickly. It’s important to remind myself of all I have to be grateful for and to stop and appreciate it.

I could use a little help. I’m have a real quandary right now. Let me preface this by saying that my child is far from perfect. Carlos’ school friend, I’ll call him Dave, was over for a play date this afternoon. The boys have been friends since preschool. This particular friend was a rough kid at age 3 and is even rougher at 7. By rough I mean he punched me in the stomach once last year at the playground in front of his mom, the kids and other parents. There was no reason for it. He just ran towards me and launched his fist into my stomach. I gritted my teeth in surprise and embarrassment and waved off any concern.

Dave has always been rough and tumble with my son as well. Boys will be boys they say, and to some degree I agree. My son can wrestle and play tough like the rest of them, but overall he’s not an aggressive kid. Dave, on the other hand, has been known to pin kids down on the ground including my son, he gives extremely hard “bear hugs,” and he is destructive.

This afternoon while playing outside Dave “accidentally” pulled down part of the trampoline frame. There is no trampoline liner because of the winter so all that remains is the frame. I specifically told the boys not to play on it, but that obviously fell on deaf ears. My husband seems to think it can be fixed. I hope so.

Then the boys came in and Dave took his muddy shoes off and threw them down on the floor with a thud. A little while later the boys went back out to play and I caught Dave running and jumping into the fence. Now fences are not cheap and this is not a crappy chain link fence around my yard. Having had it at this point I went out and sternly asked Dave to stop jumping into the fence. He mostly complied, but I did see him do it a few more times slightly less aggressively so I let it go.

On top of the aggressive behavior this boy has a very fresh mouth on him. The second he got in my car he started with Jesus Christ (the boys go to Catholic School!) and dammit. OK not major swears, but not words I let Carlos use. On one occasion when Dave came hiking with us, as soon as his mom dropped him off and left he said Shit and Fuck (excuse my language!). Seriously?!

My last straw was the ride home. I agreed to bring Dave home because he has two sisters and I figured it would be easier on his mom. I really try to make playdates convenient and hassle free. The boys were talking and joking in the back. Suddenly Dave started screeching loudly at Carlos, “I’m going to kill you” over and over. After a few times I said, “that’s not a nice thing to say.” He suggested that he was saying it because Carlos was joking about him being a farmer. I told Carlos to stop. Dave then continued with his screaming chant “I’m going to kill you.” Only this time I glanced in the rearview mirror and saw his hands around Carlos’ neck. I turned around and told him to get his hands off of my son’s neck immediately. Dave did what I asked, but it was all I could do not to hit the gas and get this child home as quickly as possible.

We pulled into his driveway and I instructed Carlos to stay in the car. Dave tried pulling him out despite what I had said. I told Dave to stop and he relented, turned and ran into the house slamming the door in my face. I was not surprised, but in that moment I didn’t know how I was going to stop the annoyance from showing on my face. I softened my mouth and eyes into a smile and opened the door praying I would not show signs of exasperation. Dave’s mom came into the entryway and I handed her Dave’s things. She asked how he was and I softly said “the boy’s had a fun time.” We chatted for a minute and then I left.

Carlos and I talked about the play date in the car. Despite his friend’s behavior Carlos was respectful all afternoon. He tried to convince Dave to behave a few times. Now believe me when I say Carlos can be fresh and gets into trouble at home. He’s not the best at sharing. He can cop an attitude. However, we deal with his behavior at home and hope and pray that he never misbehaves at other people’s homes. If something does come up about his behavior elsewhere we are on top of it. I will not tolerate disrespectful behavior. I know a couple of his friends’ moms very well and I know for a fact that they would tell me truthfully if he were a handful, rude, disrespectful, destructive or aggressive.

I want Carlos to feel comfortable about having his friends over and I want his friends to feel comfortable coming over. I’m just not sure how to handle things if Dave comes over again.

On a different note, I always feel badly when Carlos friends over because we live in a small home. Carlos doesn’t have a play room nor does he have an abundance of toys. Our office/spare room has been taken over by Legos which is fine. Our back yard is boring by comparison to other kids who have the large wooden playscape swing sets, really big trampolines, battery operated jeeps and lots of outdoor toys. I worry that our home is boring to his friends. I often try to plan things out of the house to make it more exciting or interesting for the kids.

I would love any advice or words of wisdom.

I ran the Holyoke St. Patrick’s Road Race today for the third year in a row. For more details on the actual race find previous year’s recaps below:

2012

2013

I am currently training for the Vermont City Marathon in May. My long run this week called for a 14 mile run. My schedule was a little out of whack this week so I didn’t get my long run done on Friday like I should have and I was hoping not to have to push it to Sunday because I had other plans. Despite weather reports of impending doom and gloom this morning I saw sunshine! Sometime after 9:40 I hit the road and pounded out my 14 miles. I’m running slower than I would like. Some of that has to do with the viciously hilly routes I have been running and the winter road conditions. Some of it is probably from my lack of outdoor running this winterI selected a mostly flat route for my run today, but I was still really disappointed in my slower than usual splits as I was supposed to run miles 4-13 at marathon race pace. Nonetheless I was happy to be outdoors running with hints of sunshine along the way.

I returned home shortly after noon just as it clouds covered the sky and rain began to fall. I quickly changed in preparation for the Road Race. Orlando was ready and waiting when I got home, a bit nervous for his first 10K.

The race starts about a mile and a half from our house, but you have to cross a bridge to get to the start. The traffic is horrendous and parking is nearly impossible. The luck of the Irish was on our side and we found a great parking spot with little effort. It was still raining as we began our walk to the starting line, but it wasn’t pouring. As we joined the sea of nearly 6,000 runners with less than 15 minutes to start the clouds parted ways and the sun beamed over us. It was so spontaneous and unexpected people actually applauded. The temperature warmed to 60 degrees during the run and got almost uncomfortable.

This wasn’t my best race. It definitely wasn’t a PR. I didn’t even beat last year’s Road Race time. It took me all afternoon to acknowledge the fact that I ran 20+ miles today and that is an accomplishment to be proud of. Not every race is going to be a PR.

My husband had an awesome race. He tried to run with me, but I knew that was becoming an unnecessary challenge for him so I waved him on to go ahead of me. I never saw him again until after I crossed the finish line. He finished in 51:10 and I finished in 59:06.

Tonight I was reading Carina’s post with a link to a list of books for runners. At the bottom was a slide show of lessons learned from running. Here are some of my favorites:

• Every run is different. You can run the same loop at the same time two days in a row and feel like the queen of the world one day and the scum of the earth the next. It doesn’t say anything about you as a person — except that you’re normal.
• There’s something magical and indescribable about a comfortable pace and a good playlist.
• Running is all about you. You determine your own goals. For some, that’s a marathon. For others, it’s making it around the block.
• The best way to explore a new city or learn a new route is on foot.
• Sometimes the only thing holding you back is your own mind.

Some of the lessons I’ve learned from running:

• You really don’t know what your body is capable of until you push it out of its comfort zone.
• Running does not necessarily promote weight loss.
• It is a really cheap form of therapy. I work a lot of things out during my runs.
• I’m fiercely competitive…against myself!
• Everyone has the capability to become an athlete no matter what you were in high school.
• It’s so important to listen to your body. Don’t push yourself if you feel something is off, sore or painful. It’s better to take a few days off than to be forced to stop running for months.

______________________________________________________________________________

I’m also throwing in the next installment in the Love Your Body Challenge. This one was much easier and more positive than the last.

Reason #6 To Love Your Body

6. Because it’s served you well.

Mantra: “I love my body.  It may not be 100% perfect, but it’s served me well and it deserves love and compassion.”

Action Step:  Take 5 minutes and write down a list of all of the things that you love that your body allows you to do. Write them down, and for each one, consider how you would feel if you couldn’t do that thing.  Sit with that feeling for about 5 seconds, and then focus on the fact that you can.  Allow yourself to be consumed with gratitude.

My body definitely has served me well. It allows me to:

• run
• chase my son
• play with my son
• hike
• cook healthy food
• stand on my feet for long periods of time at work
• hug my husband and my son
• maintain a clean home
• lift weights
• try new physical activities
• dance
• do yoga

In the past my body allowed me to:

• carry a baby for 9 months
• deliver that baby via C-section and recover fairly easily while caring for a newborn
• heal quickly after breaking a rib
• cross the finish line of 3 marathons, a 50K race and many other races

I’m sorry that I’ve needed reminders to be thankful for this healthy body. It is the only one I have and it is up to me to treat it right.

“From here on in I will no longer sell myself short with negative self-talk. I will not underestimate my abilities. I will continue to train hard some days, run for fun other days and always trust in my progress.” 

This is a quote from the end of my post last year on this exact same race. I ran the Jones 10 Miler again this year on Sunday, 2/23 and had a completely different experience than last year. This race figured in nicely with my marathon training so I registered for it a few weeks ago. Suffice it to say had I taken the advice I wrote in last year’s post I may not have tormented myself on race day.

I started this blog to talk about running and inevitably it has at times been a place where I discuss weight loss, body image and my longtime struggle with both of these issues. Oh how I wish I could say the struggle is over, done with! I wish I could write right now that I’m in love with my body, I feel amazing, and when I look in the mirror I see a beautiful person.

Getting dressed for the race, I felt heavy, my legs seemed infinitely larger and I was immediately uncomfortable in my body. My running pants are all basically the same so instead I tried on numerous tops trying to “feel” smaller or look lighter. Eventually I gave up, threw on something comfortable that I’m used to running in and headed out the door.

I stood at the starting line that morning feeling a myriad of things, namely fat, lonely and pessimistic about the race. There were numerous running clubs around me. Everyone’s shirt seemed to match someone else’s shirt. It was honestly the first time I felt really alone at a race. I have always run alone, but I think more and more I am beginning to wonder what it would be like to run with others, to have a sense of camaraderie and the support of a group of like-minded people.

I resigned myself early on to running the 10 miles without worrying about time. I was fairly confident that I could run at least the same pace I ran last year if not slightly better, but I grew angry at myself because I didn’t feel that I could run it as comfortably thanks to the few pounds that I have put back on. I berated myself silently for smearing too much peanut butter on my traditional pre- long run banana suddenly feeling it deep in my stomach. As I obsessed about this minutiae the horn sounded and we were starting to run.

If you read my post from last year you will read about the challenging course. It was altered slightly this year, but really only the starting and finishing points. The race in between was the same uphill battle it has been for many years. At least the weather cooperated. Despite a chance of rain the course stayed dry and overcast with temps in the high 30s/low 40s. It was perfect running weather.

The hills came and went. I pushed myself up each one. They were difficult, but they were just hills. I run hills all the time. Sure I thought about how much easier they would be with less weight, but I pushed on. My mind worked much harder than my legs during this race. I vacillated between negative self-talk to making plans of action. My lips quivered at times as I brushed back tears from my eyes.

As I neared the 5 mile mark I could see the time clock up ahead. After a little mental math I realized I was running on par with my recent training paces. I was poised to come in slightly ahead of last year’s time. This put a little spring in my step and lifted some of the heaviness off of my shoulders. My internal talk shifted to a more understanding, more empathetic conversation, but deep down I could not shake the negativity. I plodded along totally alone for most of the race

I finished the race with little fanfare. I literally crossed the finish line and continued jogging to my car. Carlos had soccer practice and skating practice so Orlando took him while I ran. This is not a big spectator race so there were few people at the finish line. My official time was 1:34:55 almost a minute off last year’s time of 1:35:54.

Ironically as I revisited my post from last year I also looked back where I used to track my weight and noticed that I was actually almost exactly the same weight a year ago. Weight loss is only one piece of this puzzle. Self-acceptance is another.

This was a tough post to write because it is a departure from my typical upbeat, excited race recaps. In many ways this race was a turning point for me and revisiting last year’s post was eye opening. I have some big spring running plans including another marathon. I have some lofty running goals this year. I’m working hard to shed those extra pounds and lose the last 10-15 pounds.

As I mentioned yesterday I’m also taking part in the Love Your Body Challenge by Molly Galbraith. Day 1 (check out the post if you have time. It shares the stories of real women coming to terms with their bodies.) is today for me. The Action Step for the day called for doing something nice for yourself while repeating the mantra: ”My body is my home. It’s the ONLY place I have to live.  I will treat it with the care and respect it deserves.” 

I did a little root touch up on my hair to tide me over until my salon appointment and I applied a banana coconut deep conditioning hair masque after the color. I love when my hair feels soft and the gray is hidden. As for the mantra, well I like the sentiment, but I forgot to repeat it over and over. I remember hearing something similar years ago from Madonna when she was getting into Kabbalah, yoga and other spiritual practices, but it struck a chord then though I couldn’t quite seem to put it into practice. It’s so true though. Our body is our temple. Why then do I mistreat such a sacred place, my sacred place?