“When we accept the fact that the only constant is change, we’re no longer willing to do damage to ourselves and others by refusing to accept it.  Welcoming change is welcoming life.” Anne Wilson Schaef       

I came across this quote the other day and it was so fitting for my thoughts recently. Change occurs whether you like it or not. Sometimes we force change. Other times it comes upon us suddenly with no warning. Change can be exciting and wonderful, but conversely it can provoke stress and frustration. Some people are able to roll with change while others falter.

I was visiting with a very dear friend over the weekend. When I told her of my intention to pursue a Master’s Degree she said, “You definitely don’t remain static.” I had never heard myself described that way, but she is right. I’m constantly in motion whether physically or mentally. I can enjoy the present and be in the moment, but I do contemplate the future and try to be proactive, making positive changes happen rather than waiting for things to change on their own.

Life is changing here, in small but exciting ways. I have an appointment on September 19, 2011 to meet with the assistant director of the RN to BS program at a local college. She will review my transcripts and we will discuss the RN to BS program as well as the Master’s in Nursing program. I would rather not obtain another Bachelor’s Degree, but if I absolutely have to have the Bachelor’s in Nursing I will do it.

I am transitioning into some dietary changes that I will post about soon. This is something I have been thinking about for a long time, but it’s time for action. There are also big changes involving my son’s diet which I will also write about separately. 

On January 8, 2012 I will be running the Disney Marathon. I finally sat down and mapped out my training plan based on Hal Higdon’s Novice 2 Marathon Training Plan. Although it is a little early I officially started my marathon training on Monday. I wanted to get back into a running routine as soon as possible and the early start also allows me to increase my mileage at a slightly slower pace. I’m so excited, but when I looked at the completed calendar which takes me all the way to January I felt a little nauseous and very nervous. I thought, what on earth have I done? My family is all on board and ready for the changes that marathon training will bring to our life.

The last thing may not seem like a change but to me it is. My Dad sent my husband and me an early birthday gift. Our birthdays are at the end of August. A few weeks ago we received a Canon EOS Rebel T1i dSLR camera!!! I am beyond thrilled. We have wanted one for a while but one of the reasons we haven’t purchased one is the lack of time to devote to learning how to use it. While it may not be giant on the scale of change I am determined to set time aside to learn how to use my new camera and hopefully I will also learn a thing or two about photography along the way. I am on the lookout for any local dSLR workshops or classes.

I have spent my fair share of time sitting on the sidelines because of poor body image, insecurities and lack of confidence. I don’t want my son to know that person. Throughout this past year I feel like I’m much more a participant of life rather than an observer. There is so much I want to experience but if I sit around waiting for those experiences to happen to me I could be waiting forever. So as I bring about these changes to my life I welcome the learning and growing that will take place along the way. Life is busy, but good!

This week has been full of disruptions, challenges and obstacles. Working a long stretch of nights, old friends visiting, babysitter snafu, and unexpected car repairs threw my week right off kilter. So I took a lot of deep breaths and did the best that I could.

There is nothing that I can do about work. As much as I enjoy my job, let’s face it I work because I have to. So lamenting about work would be fruitless.

We had two separate visits from Peace Corps friends. The first was from Blake. He was passing through on Sunday afternoon on his way home from an event about 15 minutes north of us. We stopped what we were doing and enjoyed a long overdue visit with him. It had been at least four years since we last saw him and Carlos was an infant. He was in the group of Peace Corps Volunteers in Mozambique that I helped to train. He also served at the same site I did so he knows my husband and his family very well. It was so great to catch up with him. He stayed for dinner and then left not long after.

I had Sunday night off. It is a solo night off after working three in a row. Then I returned to work Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Monday morning we had a play date at a sprinkler park. Then I came home to prepare for guest number 2. I haven’t seen my friend Irene in 5 years. Our last visit was in Maryland where she is from. About two weeks after I came home I found out I was pregnant. I was so excited for her to finally meet Carlos. Irene and I met in the Peace Corps as well. We served in the same group. I remember waking up at the crack of dawn on my first full day in Mozambique. I wandered hesitantly out of the dorm we were staying in. I was both in awe of the fact that I was waking up in Africa and intensely aware of the fact that this country would be home for the next two years (or more). I found Irene also up and about. We hit it off immediately and have been friends since. She stayed with us for two nights before heading up to Maine.

In the meantime a blinking light on my dashboard signaled a possible transmission issue. I brought the car in on Tuesday morning and they uncovered lots of subsequent issues. I was without a car Tuesday, Wednesday and much of today, but everything is repaired now. It was a blessing that Irene was here and helped with transportation.

Our usual morning babysitter who comes when Orlando leaves for work and stays until I get home was on vacation this week. My stand in babysitter failed to show up on day #2. Again thank goodness for Irene.

In the midst of all of this my workout regimen suffered. I did no exercise Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday. That will all change in a bit when I go to boot camp for the first time tonight. It is outdoors at a local park. I’m a little nervous!

My stomach was unsettled a lot during the last few days because of everything. In the end things worked out. Sure I didn’t work out like I would have liked to and maybe my eating could have been better. Instead of dwelling on what was negative about this week I want to focus on the positive that came out of it. I’m a list person so here goes:

• I got to spend quality time with two friends I haven’t seen in ages.
• Since we were without a car on Wednesday, Carlos and I spent a great day at home playing, coloring, working in his letters and numbers workbook. He even said to me on the way to get the car, “we had a great day today Mom, didn’t we?” He got a big squeeze and a kiss for that one.
• I got to take care of a few things around the house.
• In contemplating a long future of working nights and the obvious challenges that arise because of it, I decided that it was time to start thinking about what could be done to change that. I contacted a local college about their RN to BS program as well as their Master’s of Nursing program. I will be meeting with someone in early fall to review my transcripts. I am not sure what the future holds, but I have always considered a return to teaching in some way, shape or form. I am considering pursuing a career in nursing education. I love teaching. I would be working during the day while Carlos is at school and I would have part or all of my summers free. Although I had been thinking about this I finally put the wheels into motion.

I’m pooped today. Yup, me! I’m tired. I have been working a lot of overtime recently. I went into work early last night at 9:30 pm because my boss called and asked me to. She can be very persuasive! I walked into an extremely busy night and just jumped right in. It was my final night of three in a row.  My reward is three nights off.

I went for a sluggish four mile run right after work. It was really foggy and misty.

Foggy Morning at the Reservoir

Duck in the Mist

The air was warm though. My legs were sore and heavy from Sunday’s 10 mile run and yesterdays hill/speed workout. No matter how hard I pushed myself I could not seem to pick up the pace. So instead of stressing out about my time I tried to make the most of it and enjoy the peacefulness of my surroundings.

I got some housework done when I came home. While Carlos was outside playing I put together his new pirate tent that he got from the Easter bunny. He came in for lunch but got sidetracked by the tent. He spent about an hour hiding out in it with his DVD player. I took the liberty to sit in the papasan chair on the front porch. Since my brother-in-law was inside with Carlos I also allowed myself to take a cat nap. When my eyes opened minutes later I instantly felt guilty for dozing off. I jumped up to see if Carlos wanted lunch yet.

After lunch Carlos and his uncle went outside to ride bikes. I don’t have a bike so I decided to stay in and “relax.” No sooner did I return to my spot on the front porch the landscaper came to start our annual fertilization program. Our yard was horrible, beyond repair, we thought, when we bought the house. My husband could probably do the treatments himself, but we get a reasonable deal and it’s one less thing for us to worry about. Plus our lawn is finally coming back to life. Anyway I had to go out to unlock the fence and the guy said “oh you look comfortable.” I immediately felt badly again. I felt like I had to justify why I was lounging on the front porch on a Tuesday afternoon.

I never relax. You won’t catch me lying on the sofa watching television. I rarely sit because I’m always in the middle of three things. I am very active everyday with my son. In the lull of the night at work I will empty all the trash behind the nurse’s station and wipe down the counters. I like to be busy. I don’t take naps although that is what my family calls it when I go to bed.

Working nights throws your entire world upside down sometimes. I admittedly do not sleep much, but I do sleep everyday sometimes in the middle of the day or early evening. My husband has a knack for taking Carlos out when I am in the midst of one of my midday rests. They run into people and he simply tells them that I am home sleeping but offers no explanation. I can only imagine what people must think, “oh poor little kid his mommy is asleep at noon on a Saturday. Hmmm I wonder what she did last night?”

I am definitely concerned about what people think, much more than I should be. I know that I shouldn’t be, but it is a very hard habit to break. It is akin to negative self talk and it is something that I am trying to improve as I learn to love myself for who I am and not who I think I should be.

Carlos is playing in the yard now so I have moved to the back porch. It is so warm today it feels like summer. My inner dialogue is trying very hard to reconcile the fact that I am relaxing rather than being physically active right now. Relax does not equal lazy. It is ok to take a break once in a while.

I am sitting at the library right now trying to figure out why my calendar on my iPhone doesn’t match my calendar on my MacBook. I pay $100/year for this ridiculous Mobile Me account that is supposed to sync my calendar among other things and all of a sudden there seems to be a problem. Why? I don’t recall doing anything different. I love technology except when it suddenly throws you for a loop like this.  I am considering switching over to Google calendars all together and discontinuing my Mobile Me account.  OK I just had to get that off my chest.

It was a miserable rainy day outside, but that didn’t stop us from having an extremely full day. I did my usual gym workout while Carlos was at school. Today I did some speed training on the treadmill, the arc trainer and upper body strength training. After picking up Carlos from school we made a Costco run, then to lunch with my Mom and my aunt. I somehow convinced Carlos that we should go to Whole Foods. By the time we got there he was quite restless. I only managed to pick up nutritional yeast and chia seeds. Maybe that’s the trick to shopping at Whole Foods…take a cranky, restless toddler with you and you will spend so much less money.

I have made mention to our mommy/son dates. We were supposed to have one a few weeks back. He has been dying to get ice cream at Bart’s Homemade, a local ice cream shop. We went there once a year ago and he apparently has not forgotten that. We tried to go on Sunday after our hike, but it was closed when we got there. Since he has been so good over the last few days I surprised him with a visit to Bart’s this afternoon. He was thrilled. He had orange sorbet on a plain cone. I had a kids size scoop of coconut sorbet. It was delish!

Mmmm good!

Then I swooped Carlos into the hair salon next door for a quick haircut. He was so good, sat still through the entire cut and even got a shampoo at the end.

Pampered Prince

We didn’t get home until almost 4 o’clock. Time to make dinner. I whipped together a quick dinner of brown rice spaghetti with sauteed onions, spinach and tomato sauce. Somedays I’m just not creative and simple pasta is the best that I can do. The days go by so quickly. I never feel like I accomplish enough and there are always 8,000 more things that I need to do.

Now I am sitting at the beautiful Mount Holyoke College library feeling completely overwhelmed by this MobileMe/iCal issue. I just realized that my MobileMe email is not working either. Grrrrr time for a coffee.  This could be a long night!