I have half a dozen unfinished posts. I’m days behind in paperwork for my job. I have taken a hiatus from grad school already and I have only completed three courses. I have no marathons on the calendar for the rest of 2017. I haven’t had my eyebrows threaded in too many weeks. My pedi is almost overdue but hanging in there. My house could use a scrubbing. And the list goes on…

I certainly haven’t been relaxing on a gorgeous beach letting my life fall to pieces. It’s my job. It’s sucking the life out of me. No details needed. They would bore you and frankly they don’t matter. I’m an employee through and through. I do what I’m told even when it’s simply too much for one person. I learned a valuable lesson years ago when I complained about a situation at work. I was scolded and told that if I was going to complain I better have some solutions to improve the situation. 

I don’t have any suggestions on how to make this situation better or more manageable right now. I’m not alone in how I feel. I know my colleagues are feeling the burn too. We work independently and rarely come in contact with each other. Venting via work email is not a good idea because we are positive big brother is watching. 

I listen to podcasts when I’m in the car or while I’m doing mundane paperwork. I love how many of these people advocate for others to leave a job that isn’t fulfilling or meaningful and follow their dreams. They never mention practical things like financial aspects of up and quitting your job to start a smoothie stand on a touristy beach in Mozambique (I beg Orlando everyday to let me try. I’m bringing my Vitamix next time we go!)

So how do they do it? Do people not care about having money to retire? Or for those with children are they not concerned about giving them life experiences which often cost a little bit of money? How about health insurance? Interestingly I work for a health insurance company and my husband’s package is much better than mine so we use his insurance. Do these people not pay car insurance, excise taxes, utility bills? They all have social media so they must have to pay for at the very least a smart phone. Those are not cheap. Do they eat or do they all grow their own food? I have so many questions none of which are ever answered in the podcasts or in blogs. 

The truth is, I’m not really sure what my dream job is, but I know for sure it’s not what I’m doing now. I’m a nurse case manager for a senior care plan for a large national health insurance company. Basically I help low income elderly obtain healthcare services so they can stay at home as long as possible. I love visiting with them, but that is the smallest part of my job. The majority of the time I am dealing with mountains of documentation and tending to compliance issues. There seems to be a new issue daily. It’s mind numbing and frustrating, but… and this is why I can’t just quit, I work from home, the job is flexible, the other benefits are decent, I get a fair amount of vacation time (though I tend to do paperwork because it’s portable), and I don’t have to worry about finding to watch my son on snow days or if he gets sick. 

In all honesty I’m not brace enough to quit. I’ve worked since I was 15. I am a hard worker. I’m very dedicated even if I don’t like my job. When I worked full time at the hospital I only called out sick three times. Once was when I broke my ribs. I took two days off for the broken ribs. My co-worker broke her toe and was out for a month! I am not advocating this work ethic because you don’t win any awards for it. If you’re not feeling great physically or even mentally and you have sick time take a day off to decompress and revive your soul. It’s right to take care of yourself. I am not great at practicing everything I preach.