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The gazebo is the view from my front door. It’s not the same view as a year ago nor is it the same front door. My life has changed in just about every possible way. On August 1, 2022, I sold my house and bought a condo. On August 8th, I accepted a position as a nursing professor at a local community college. On the same day, I gave my notice at the hospital I have worked at for my entire nursing career. A couple of weeks later, I got divorced.

I have stayed as quiet as possible especially on social media. I am embarrassed by the failure of my marriage. And how do you tell people anyway? I’m not a celebrity that can issue a press release asking for people to respect their privacy. I have carried a profound sadness, emptiness, and grief inside while trying to maintain normalcy on the outside.

I haven’t run a marathon since Marine Corps in 2019. I stopped running through the pandemic. As soon as I would pick up the momentum to run, it felt as if someone punched me in the gut. The tears would well up and I couldn’t breathe. So I walked. The walks became time alone to cry. I allowed myself to just walk. No pressure to run. However, despite the unbearable overwhelm of life, I have kept moving…one step at a time, one second, one hour, one day at a time.

When I started this blog years ago to chronicle half marathon and then marathon training, I called it Amazing in Motion. The first letter of each word is my nickname Aim, but it also symbolized how I felt whenever I accomplished a long run, ran or worked out on days I didn’t feel like it, and crossed those finish lines. It’s come to symbolize something deeper than just running.

I certainly don’t feel amazing these days, but I am starting to run again. It’s slow. There are walk breaks and sometimes the run turns into a walk so I can cry especially when I’m on trails in the woods. I don’t know how long this process lasts. It’s different for everyone. There is no guide book for navigating divorce and so many life changes at once. I just know that I have to continue the forward motion and one day I will be ok.