I will probably regret writing this tomorrow. I was tempted to call my sister to vent but I always sound so whiny on the phone. Plus she is far too sophisticated to listen to me complain. I’m a mess inside. This job is sucking the life out of me. I miss my Life. I miss reading a book for pleasure. I miss writing a little bit each day. I miss reading blogs. I miss spending school vacation days with Carlos and today was only day one. I’m feeling awful about this summer. I’m frustrated at the expense this job is causing because of the need for childcare. Orlando is working like crazy after being laid off all winter which leaves zero time for me to workout other than my forced wake up call at 4 am. If I want to run I have to fit it in around his schedule. It isn’t happening if I wait until he gets home at night. I miss yoga class. I miss having time to cook new recipes. I miss time. This is no way to live. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, find a balance. I feel like I’m wasting precious time. I feel stifled and worn out. I feel like I’m not living the life I’m supposed to live and I’m fearful I won’t figure out how to pursue my passion before it’s too late. I feel like screaming because I’m so frustrated. I see others doing it and I am not envious, but I wonder how they did it while still paying the bills, supporting children and saving for retirement. I’m happy for them, but I want to ask them how they did it. We all deserve to live our dreams and pursue our passions. But how? I’m stuck on the how. How do I make it happen?